


Caught Me At The Right Time (Baby, Don’t You Know)

by superscavenger



Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, Heavy stuff folks strap in
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 44,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26525407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superscavenger/pseuds/superscavenger
Summary: It’s been 24 days, 14 hours and 47 minutes since April Stevens had talked to her.Getting into the Volt, Sterling’s attention is caught by the truck sitting in the lot across from them. Inside sits a stock-still April.She knows she shouldn’t worry, but the energy is so...off.Blair, unaware, starts the car.~or~April makes a big decision, and a surprising group of people are there to pick up the pieces.
Relationships: April Stevens/Sterling Wesley
Comments: 176
Kudos: 661





	1. Guess Everybody Else is Out Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Well y’all, I’m back, back, back again... I haven't written any fic since Avalance in 2018 so do be gentle. Or don’t, I appreciate constructive criticism. 
> 
> Title from Golden Hour by our lady Kacey.
> 
> Please let me know what you think with a comment, and I forgot how much kudos gives me life.
> 
> I love these two to pieces.

It’s been 24 days, 14 hours and 47 minutes since April Stevens had talked to her.

Or, more accurately, unceremoniously dumped her ass at the lock-in. 

No, that isn’t fair, Sterling thinks. She was protecting herself, and she was terrified of what could happen if her father found out.

Sterling had had more than enough time to think about that in the last three weeks; it was a welcome break from her mind inevitably wandering back to the familial problems she was struggling with herself. 

The whole her mom’s identical twin, who the twins had just found out she had, was actually Sterling’s biological mom therefore making Sterling and Blair _cousins._ Very much _not_ twins. 

Just your usual teenage issues.

In between that, the April incident and listening to Golden Hour and Folklore on repeat for a soundtrack to her despair, Sterling has managed to keep herself occupied. 

She’d gone absent from school for a week.Blair took a few days off as well, but after four straight days of silence from Sterling, she couldn’t take the tense quiet and started back at school, biting at anybody who asked about Sterling’s whereabouts. 

After Ellen, in the harshest voice she’d ever used in her life, had decreed nobody needed to spread gossip about the Wesley twins, it quietened down.   


On the seventh night of Blair being blanked, she went in guns blazing, telling her that while it felt as if everything was crumbling being silent and not communicating wasn’t going to fix everything, because that’s how it always takes _so_ long for anything to get resolved in any TV show ever. 

They talked for hours. All the problems that might arise, their anger at their parents, and their gratitude towards them for keeping them safe; how Blair genuinely thinks bounty hunting might be her calling and she’s going to study criminal justice at college, and how Sterling is resolved to tell her parents before the year is out that she’s a proud bisexual. 

Also, once Blair has assured her that the rumour mill had all but ground to a halt, she resolved to go to school the following Monday. 

It was hard. People still stared, but Blair’s eyes of death had people turning their heads away fast enough to get whiplash. 

She faltered when she saw April at her locker. 

Sterling sort of hopes that if, when, the girl catches her eyes, shining with tears, it’ll tell her that it was okay. 

To this day, though, they haven’t talked. 

Not once. It’s killing Sterling, and it’s killing Blair to see her sister like this when she already has enough to deal with. 

The twins had also had lengthy discussions regarding the April incident. While it took a hot minute for Blair to understand, they both came to the conclusion, eventually, that April was protecting herself. They both knew first hand how much of a brute and bigot her father is, and they certainly didn’t want her to put herself in harm’s way. Blair still vows she’ll slap her one day for breaking her beloved sister’s heart, but only if and when it’s all behind them. 

For now, the twins and April tolerate each other in the hallways. Sideways glances, the occasional nod from Sterling. 

Today is different though. 

April finally catches Sterling’s eyes across the hall, after she’s been staring at the inside of her locker for a peculiarly long spell. The girl stood frozen in time, eyes only for her. As if she was trying to communicate every apologetic bone in her body to her.

The smile is breathtaking, Sterling muses, but she also can’t help but notice her eyes shining. She can’t tell if it’s a twinkle or a tear. 

Sterling smiles back, trying her best to keep herself together, savouring this peaceful moment between them, before April tears her eyes away in favour at her locker again. Taking a shuddering, deep breath, she closes it and walks away in a determined fashion. 

Sterling swears she sees her legs falter a touch as she leaves the building.

‘Was that April?’

Sterling is scared out of her skin as Blair sidles up behind her, watching the embattled Fellowship leader walk into the Atlanta sunshine. 

‘Yeah. Something was off. Or on. I dunno. I’m a little worried.’

‘Hate to repeat myself Sterl, but there is no point worrying. She’s made her choices.’

‘I know. I can’t help it though,’ Sterling replies, watching as April disappears around a corner. 

‘Yeah, I know.’ Blair offers a sad smile as Sterling finally pulls her eyes away to look at her sister, grimacing back.

‘Yolanda texted, apparently she wants us to learn some theory today,’ Blair tells her, looking down at her phone while Sterling sorts her locker and pushes it shut softly, seemingly in thought. 

‘I love Yolanda and I know the knowledge is super valuable, but god I miss Bowser.’

‘Me too. He’s back in like a month though, he promised,’ Blair declares, defiant and believing in her boss. Sterling wraps her arm around her sister’s shoulders, softly dragging them in the direction of the door. 

‘I know, I know. Until then, let’s be nerds about the practical extra-curricular activity we enjoy and inevitably ruin it for ourselves,’ Sterling quips, and Blair looks downright offended. 

‘How dare you! I’m gonna bring in more skips than Terrance Coin when I get my license, I don’t care what it takes,’ she replies, her chin sticking up to the sky as they descend into the courtyard. 

‘That’s why I love you.’

‘Aw, babe, I love you too! I missed you so much.’

‘I missed you more, you’re the light of my life.’

Getting into the Volt, Sterling’s attention is caught by the truck sitting in the lot across from them. Inside sits a stock-still April. 

She knows she shouldn’t worry, but the energy is so... _off_.

Blair, unaware, starts the car. 

~()~

‘My brain hurts, oh my Lord.’

‘Mine is purely melting, I can feel it about to ooze out of my ears,’ Sterling agrees, as they both trudge up the stairs to the front door of the house. It was around 7pm, so just in time for dinner and not late enough to make their parents worried - something they had been much more often since _that_ night. 

‘So worth it though, god I’m gonna be the best bail enforcement agent this country has ever seen,’ Blair says, smug as she opens the door. 

‘Do you think Yolanda will like, test us? She may be super sound normally, but she’s a strict teacher, I absolutely see her handing out a pop quiz,’ Sterling muses. 

‘I don’t know, she’s said repeatedly that she hated school with a passion so I doubt she’d put us through that. Besides, she knows we’re more useful in the field,’ Blair says, and looks up from her bags just in time to see Sterling drop hers. 

‘Sterl, you okay?’

She follows Sterling’s eyeline into the living room. 

Their father, sat on the coffee table, looks up at the sound of the bag dropping. Their mother, glancing over at the twins, simply continues to rub the back of the person sat next to her on the couch.

A sniffle echoes through the house, and it’s as if the sound drags Sterling those few more feet. 

‘April?’

The body turns tiredly, and the twins see the look on April’s face. 

Utter, unadulterated devastation. 

‘Girls, I think you should sit down.’


	2. The Sky Is Finally Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING:  
> Aggressive homophobia, strong language
> 
> April tells her story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING:  
> Aggressive homophobia, strong language.

‘Girls, I think you should sit down,’ their mother says with a sad kindness in her voice.

There is stock silence for a good five, aching seconds.

Blair is the first to speak up.

‘I’m good. What happened?’ She asks with a stony look on her face, a measured tone to her voice that would floor her sister if she wasn’t still in chronic shock.

Their father bristles, beginning to raise his hand up towards the twins. ‘Now Blair, I know y’all have your differences but just hang fire -‘

‘Mr Wesley, it’s okay.’

Sterling doesn’t think she’s heard April ever sound so _small_.

It crushes her heart.

‘I’m in their house, your house. They have every right to an explanation.’

April looks right into Sterling’s soul.

She begins.

~()~

_Hours Earlier_

You got this, Stevens, she thought.

She stared at the inside of her locker, the neatness of it settling her as she reeled from what she was about to do.

She couldn’t believe she was going to, but she knew was now or never.

And April just refused, _refuses_ , to live in a world where it’s never.

She’d already put provisions in place.

A bag packed. A letter purely for her mother. Instructions for her sister not to be home. Heck, she’d even got 911 on speed dial just in case her dad...well, in case the worst case scenario was to happen.

She knew how much of a risk this was, how direly this could all go wrong.

But she also knew that if she didn’t say it now, she’d be trapped.

Trapped by her father.

Trapped in a rigid, close-to-home college life she doesn’t want.

Trapped by a husband, one day.

She knew the dangers, but she respects herself too much to live a lie until the end of her days.

God wouldn’t want her to do that.

She’d made peace with her Lord.

The one thing she wasn’t quite sure of is where she’d go, when this all panned out.

However it panned out.

She’d think of something.

One step at a time.

At the back of her mind, a distant memory waded to the forefront for a spell.

A blonde woman, fuzzy in her head, but beautiful, kind faced, the southern lilt in her voice not as present as in her own mother’s. Putting a band-aid over her grazed knee at a birthday party. Smiling softly, touching her cheek with her knuckle before gently pulling her up and ushering her towards the throng of 9-year-olds crowding a large cake. Telling her to come to her if there was anything she needed.

She shook it away, turning her head to see Sterling, transfixed. It disarmed her for a moment, but she didn’t let it show.

April could only offer her a smile, as bright as she could muster, without falling apart. She forced herself to tear her eyes away from the girl to settle herself, breathing deeply, once.

_Now or never_.

April felt eyes burn into her as she strides away. She knew to whom they belonged.

She let herself be comforted by such knowledge as she turned the corner and got into her truck, musing for a moment that this might be the last time she would get to drive it.

Mustn’t think like that, she declared to herself.

It took her four painful minutes to psych herself up enough to leave the car park.

_Now._

_Or._

_Never._

_The Lord is with you._

~()~

She should respect herself more.

She deserves better than being compelled to feel thankful he didn’t beat her.

He wasn’t even angry, not at first.

Just plain confused.

Her mother just sat there in shock, unable to uproot herself from her timid seat on the sofa. She knew; she knew exactly what she meant.

‘I’ve felt like this for as long as I can remember. Whatever boys I’ve met, whoever has come along, even guys I’ve been on dates with, they don’t hold a candle to how I feel about girls.

I’m gay. I like women. I always have, and always will. Myself and God have made peace on it. He made me in his image so it has to be part of his master plan. I know in my heart that this isn’t a sin. Whatever you both may think of me.’

Seconds that went by felt like hours.

‘You’re...you can’t be,’ he muttered to himself, almost as if he was willing it away.

Her mother schooled her features in her shock.

‘As God is my witness, Daddy.’

She sniffled as she watched the final façade on her father’s face crumble.

‘Everything we’ve done for you,’ he said, his voice getting graver as he took a step toward her. She immediately paced one step back. ‘All we’ve sacrificed.’

That’s a crock of shit, she thought.

‘This doesn’t change me. I’m still intelligent, formidable. The Fellowship Leader,’ she said, not entirely believing the last one would help, but shoehorning it in anyway.

‘It doesn’t change you? You’re a heathen, April. You’ve strayed from God’s will,’ he bellowed, April flinching at the gravelly sound piercing her eardrums. ‘I-I-I, I mean, Fellowship Leader? You shouldn’t be in charge of something holy like that with these...these perversions in your head!’

He sounds almost desperate.

She chanced a look at her mother, who looked deep in thought. She willed her for once, to take some affirmative fucking action.

Fat chance, she declared to herself.

‘I have not, and would not strayed from His will. I know in myself that I am right with Him.’

‘You don’t know a thing. We gotta call the Pastor, right now. The one in Athens. He’ll know a place that’ll set her straight,’ he said, to nobody in particular - he still hadn’t noticed his wife sitting there, cogs turning.

_Worst case scenario. Worst case scenario!_

She fingered her phone in her pocket, ready to tap the emergency number. Ready to run.

‘No.’

He looked up from his own thoughts, and April paused, eyes darting toward her mother.

‘Excuse me?’

Her mother looked her up and down, the shock gone, and a cold emotionless demeanour washing over her.

‘We’re not spending a dime on fixing her. She’s not worth the trouble, or the money.’

That stung.

Like a _motherfucker_.

‘Don’t you think we should at least try? That pastor knows the best of the best for setting the strays right. She has prospects. UGA were interested in her in sophomore year, we’ve put so much effort into making her the girl she is.’

‘Look where that got us, John,’ she said, steely eyes staring him down for a moment. ‘In any case, she clearly has no intention to repent.’

He stared back, narrowing his eyes for a moment. She’s barely ever been this decisive, and April was surprised, even.

Eventually, his features returned to their angry state, turning back to his eldest daughter.

‘Yes. Yes, honey, you’re right. Not worth wasting any more time on this dykey little _cunt_.’

She despised that word so intensely, did April. However, in this moment she was almost...thankful for it.

Because her mother’s split second reaction to it showed how she truly felt.

They locked eyes for a moment. It was as if her mother was trying to have every conversation with her, through sight, that they were never able to have because of _him_.

‘Pack a bag. You have five minutes.’

Thank you, Lord, she thought. Her mother didn’t hate her.

She was saving her.

April schooled her features, making sure all her father could see was her hurt and disappointment.

‘Yes ma’am.’

She went upstairs with haste, knowing her mother couldn’t follow her or her cover would be blown.

As she entered her room she stopped for a minute. Looked, truly looked at all of the things in there. Memories built over years, the fun she’d had in these four walls. With friends, her sister.

Her father.

Being his Padawan.

She took a moment to reflect on how devastating it all is. How her idolised image of him had just...disintegrated, turned to dust, in a day when she found out about his transgressions. How even Star Wars wouldn’t bring that back for them.

She knew in herself that he’s the heathen. He is the unrepentant sinner.

That’s enough. For now.

She was certain that even through all this, he would not touch a hair on her sister’s head. August, after all, was the young, cute little button who didn’t have the misfortune of being told her father was a prostitute-beater. Her blissful ignorance protected her.

She was worried about her mother, at first. Seeing her tonight, taking the...initiative, to challenge him and get him on side, it makes her hopeful.

She can last just a little bit longer.

April was sure somebody in law enforcement was building a bigger case against him. Solicitation and battery was the tip of the iceberg. 

God, she hoped so hard.

Taking the letter out of the side of the duffel, she placed it in the draw in her nightstand. She knew her mother would look, somehow.

She picked up the already packed bag, after leaving some money valuing the same as her laptop and phone on the dresser; she’d saved for a long, long time, in the case that there would ever be a day like today. If April knew her father, he’d surely want that money he’d ‘wasted on her’ back.

The remaining money would last her a while. Enough to find some roots, she hoped.

Taking one last look at her childhood bedroom, her eyes shone with fresh tears as she turned the light off, closing the door behind her and making her peace.

Her father was waiting on the other side of the hallway, leaning against the pillar by the door, her mother at the foot of the stairs.

‘When you realise the dreadful sins you’re committing and you want to repent, you let us know and we’ll talk to the pastor in Athens,’ her father said, the vitriol so present in his voice, despite his attempt to mask it with a sickly sweetness. It made her feel ill.

Hypocritical bastard, she mused.

‘But until then, I don’t wanna see your face anywhere near this house. Do not come back,’ her mother declared, anger present on the surface, but pleading eyes saying so much more.

It was a warning.

Don’t come back here. You will not be safe.

It devastated her to leave her mother, and her sister, but she knew it was better than staying and making all their lives miserable. He’d feel better knowing the sinner had left the building, and that her mother had been the one to make the sinner leave. They were safe for the time being.

She resolved to live in hope that she’d return someday.

When he was gone.

‘I had so much faith in you, Padawan.’

The door slammed behind her on the porch.

Those words sealed it.

She’d made the right decision.

As much as her heart clenched in agony, she knew she was free.

~()~

She’d found a diner she knew none of the kids at Willingham frequented. April ordered her ultimate weakness, chicken biscuits, and a milkshake because what the heck, it wasn’t exactly a banner day, and she deserved it.

There were so many things she was terrified about now, she knew that.

School fees not being paid.

College applications she couldn’t afford.

A roof.

That last one, clearly, is the most pressing, but the academic obsessive in her couldn’t help but think of the other two.

She had friends. Somebody could put her up for at least the night under pretense of...of a water leak at her place. Either way.

She’d be okay. She’s a big girl.

She thought about Sterling, too. Fondly. Yes, they’d had a tumultuous month, but she could even say that she wouldn’t have had the courage to do what she’d done had they not experienced what they did.

The space between then and now had given her the time to think what all of it might mean. Whether she could live with herself if she _didn’t_ come clean.

April did not do it for Sterling.

She did it for herself because she knew that being her own person would make her life infinitely better, in the long run.

Still, Sterling had inadvertently given her a glimpse of what the future could look like.

She’d needed it.

She knew that there were still so many emotions galloping around her head, threatening to spill over, but she could deal with that on the other side.

Checking the time on her phone, she saw the hourly bus towards Hannah B’s place would be leaving in less than three minutes, so she settled up quickly and bolted with her bag.

Seeing it pull up, she couldn’t keep the distance going, and it began to pull away having not noticed her.

As it sped up and slowly vanished down the street, April slowed down a little but couldn’t control her feet, and she tumbled to the ground like a toddler learning to walk.

As if it hadn’t been a long enough fucking day.

April hoisted herself up, gritting her teeth a little as she felt a sting on her knee.

She looked down to examine the damage, deducing it was only a graze.

A grazed knee.

The memory from this afternoon pushed to the front enclaves of her mind, and the kind figure, once blurry, began to clear.

Did she dare?

Knowing it was only a mile walk, she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder.

She put one foot in front of the other, until she found herself at an extremely familiar front door.

Knowing it would change everything, she pressed the doorbell.

_‘Anything you need, honey, just let me know.’_

God, April hoped this would work.

~()~

April looks as if she’s had a weight lifted off her shoulders.

She feels it too.

She’s had the comforting hand of Debbie Wesley on her back the whole way through the story. It made it a touch easier to tell.

Anderson is having to wipe away a tear or two, while Debbie remains the motherly rock she is.

Sterling is still standing, in front of April, not so close she’s imposing on her but close enough so she could feel the warmth radiating off her. It’s a small comfort. Her face, however, is still a picture of shock.

‘I’m so sorry he did that to you.’

It’s not Sterling who says that, though.

April’s head turns to see Blair’s crestfallen face, tears shining in her eyes as she sits next to her on the couch, where she’d slumped onto halfway through the story as she listened to each and every word.

Before April can mask the surprise and confusion in her features, she finds herself enveloped in a hug by Blair, and before she can stop it the dam breaks.

She sobs into Blair’s shoulder.

_Blair’s_.

‘You deserve so, so much better,’ Sterling hears Blair whisper. It’s what finally sees her slowly kneel on the carpet, now level with April, whose eyes have opened to see Sterling staring right into them with tears overflowing that she can’t stop because _God_ , she is every different kind of furious that that _man_ would treat his own daughter like this.

Wonderful, brilliant April.

They regard each other for a minute and April, still holding on to Blair, begins to extend a hand.

It’s taken in a nanosecond.

The familiarity of Sterling’s comforting touch is more than enough catharsis for one night, she decides.

She lets herself go.

She’s safe and free here.

She only needs to look at Sterling to know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot to write, friends. Hard going.
> 
> But I think it's important to remember that this is the sort of thing that does happen to some people. As you probably all know, we still have a such a long way to go in securing our rights and acceptance. Telling stories like this one is an important part of the narrative.
> 
> Be safe everyone.
> 
> Oh, and I may be English, but that's beside the point. VOTE, VOTE, VOTE. 
> 
> I love y'all.


	3. These Are Real Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night sets in, and truths start to come home.

‘I know,’ April begins through sniffles, ‘that we aren’t all exactly close anymore but I just remembered how kind you used to be to me, Mrs Wesley,’ she said, turning out of Blair’s embrace gently and towards Debbie, who looks surprised for the first time that night.

‘And I’m not sure how you feel about...it all, but I just didn’t know where to go and then...all of a sudden, I did. I’m sorry I’m imposing.’

‘Hush now, you are doing no such thing. You are a friend in need and we always help friends in need, don’t we girls?’ Debbie declares, looking at Blair specifically, still slightly confused by her unusually soft demeanour towards the Stevens girl.

‘Absolutely, yes ma’am.’ Blair’s kind face does not change one iota.

‘Sweetie, once upon a time you were Sterling’s best friend. She had trouble coming out of her shell until you came along. I always was fond of you for showing her that side of the world,’ Debbie replies, touching under April’s chin for a moment with her knuckles.

‘And as for the...other thing? In this house, we love all God’s children. According to the twins you’re still the firecracker I remember, and a devout young lady to boot. I have no reservations regarding your faith and we sure as heck do not punish those who love differently around here. Despite what some of my acquaintences in these parts may believe.’

Sterling, unbeknownst to the rest of them, looks as though she could have a panic attack at any minute.

Thankfully, she’s saved when Anderson breathes in and lightly smacks his own knees, signalling a shift in the air.

‘Right, well girls I think it’s safe to say that April will be staying the night here. If y’all could go make up one of your rooms for her that’d be best. I think your mother and I need to have a quick chat with April about the logistics of all this, and then she’ll be up, if that’s okay with you, little lady?’ He asks her.

April knows she probably shouldn’t have a fleeting wish that her father was a little more like Anderson Wesley.

‘Yes sir,’ April replies earnestly.

Blair squeezes April’s shoulder, flashing a smile the girl doesn’t think the twin has ever directed at her, before getting up and heading for the stairs, only glancing back at Sterling.

Behind the sofa, she locks eyes with her sister.

Twin vision kicks in. She’s so, beyond glad they still have it.

' _Keep it together, Sterl. You can fall apart upstairs, I promise.'_

_'I know.'_

‘Sterl, sweetheart, could you get April a glass of water before you go? Think she might need it,’ Anderson asks her.

‘Of course,’ she manages, getting up and barely looking in April’s direction as she heads to the sink, back to the three of them, as she tries her hardest not to fall to pieces.

She breathes in, hard, and out, before turning back to the trio and holding the glass out to April, whose fresh tears shining in her eyes only makes it that much harder for the twin.

‘Thank you Sterling,’ April all but whispers, and the electric charge that they feel as their hands brush when she hands her the glass is unmistakeable.

‘Yeah,’ Sterling chokes out, before heading for the stairs at the biggest speed she can muster without rousing suspicion from her parents.

Blair is pacing upstairs in Sterling’s room, the obvious choice for April to sleep in.

When Sterling enters, Blair looks at her with uncertain eyes.

‘I know you’re trying not to freak out but the question remains. What are we gonna do, Sterling?’

She turns away and sighs, swiping a hand over her face. Sterling breathes through her nose as she thinks it through.

‘We have to tell her. The moment she comes up here. We cannot keep it from her, especially if she’s going to be sleeping under our roof, that isn’t fair,’ she declares.

‘Hasn’t she been through enough already today?’

‘Of fucking course she has Blair! Of course!' Sterling explodes, almost unable to keep her voice at a measured pitch. She takes a second, before looking back at Blair, resolve very much present in her voice. 'But she needs to know. I hope it doesn’t mean she wants to leave tomorrow, of course I don’t, but I can’t do this anymore. I...it isn’t fair to her.’

‘I know, Sterl. Could we not just... give her tonight?’ Blair looking out for April's feelings and wellbeing is new, but deep down in Sterling's stomach it settles her just a little bit. Knowing her sister can tolerate the girl she's wild about.

‘I can’t make it through another night. Either way, she knows she’ll be safe here. If she wants to hate us at the same time I’m...I can live with it if it means she’s safe.’

Blair closes her eyes, sighing again as she turns to the cupboard, pulling out a fresh sheet.

The two get to work putting it on the bed.

‘It bodes well, though, Sterl. The way Mom reacted.’

‘I dunno, she could just be saying that because she feels sorry for her,’ Sterling replies uneasily, tucking a corner under the mattress.

‘She hasn’t lied since that night, you know. I can tell. I asked her how she was the other night and she actually told me she wasn’t okay. That she was dealing with it but it was rough. She actually...told me how she felt for once. I really think it’ll be okay.’

‘I’m good with waiting until the dust settles anyway. What’s more pressing is the fact that the girl I lo-like is sleeping in the bedroom next door to me!’ She whisper shouts at her sister, who tries her best not to giggle at the juvenile nature of it all.

‘Calm down Ellen Page,’ Blair says, ‘that’s something y’all can figure out later. Right now, you can do something really, really good with this time. You can rebuild your friendship. Repair that shit that happened in fifth grade. The other stuff’ll...come later. Naturally,’ she finishes, looking pensive as she finishes making the bed.

‘Look at you, Miss Philosophical,’ Sterling says, her tone quippy but a little more measured now that she’d calmed down.

‘Ha, ha. Seriously though, Sterl. Even I’m seeing the merit to being friends with April. You know that means a whole damn lot coming from me,' Blair declares, pointing at Sterling with a stern look. 'I also still maintain that I’ll slap her when all this is over.’

‘Please do not do that.’

‘It’s a fair cop, sis.’

‘I still don’t get it though. Why are you...being so nice to her? Even when we were hooking up you...you kinda hated her.’

‘Nobody should have to suffer at the hands of that bigot, we know that better than most.’

‘Know what better than most?’

The twins’ eyes widen and their heads whip round to see a timid April, leaning on the door frame.

She offers a sad smile, a slight raise of her eyebrows. Predictably, all Sterling can think about for a moment is how her _patellas_ are _quivering._

She hasn’t seen her much in casual clothes, not for a while.

The striped tee and form fitting chinos are killing Sterling slightly inside, but she brushes away the thought.

She has to tell her now.

‘Um, come in,’ she says, moving towards the door as April advances nervously, hands patting her sides as she looks at the ground.

Sterling closes it, not before Chloe pads in and brushes against April’s leg as she goes to her bed in the corner.

She isn’t in here often, but the twins have a feeling she’s there when she knows she needs to be.

‘Sterling, I -’

‘Wait, April, we have something we need to tell you,’ Blair steadily interrupts.

‘I just -’

‘Please?’ Sterling pipes up, gesturing to a spot on the bed where she can sit and listen. ‘This is really, really important.’

‘....okay,’ April whispers, looking at Blair, surprisingly - as if it would be dangerous to look elsewhere - before sitting down on the bed.

Sterling slumps into the chair by the dresser, while Blair drops silently onto the beanbag next to it.

They look to each other, quite unsure of where on earth to start.

‘Please, guys, enough with the twin suspense. What’s going on?’ Usually April’s version of 'hurry up' would have more bite to it.

Today she just sounds so _tired_.

‘Okay,’ Sterling begins, blowing out a breath. ‘Well...’

~()~

April stares at the floor, processing. Sterling has had to wipe tears away twice. Blair hasn’t taken her eyes off the girl opposite her, who hasn’t even seemed to notice she’s petting the labradoodle’s head resting comfortably on her leg.

‘So you’re the...you’re bounty hunters?’

‘Technically speaking we are interns for a bail enforcement agent, but essentially, yeah. We’re bounty hunters.’

‘And you’re the reason my family fell apart,’ April muses quietly to herself, and Sterling has to keep herself from crying once more. She hates how weak she feels.

She knows she’s not, she would simply be expressing her emotions because that’s what people should do, but considering how well April seems to be holding herself together...Lord.

‘Well,’ Blair begins, seemingly ready to go on the defensive, before thinking about it and letting her shoulders drop. ‘Yes.’

A beat passes, and Sterling can’t help but bristle. They aren’t the reason, _he_ is. That vile man.

‘Wait, no, that’s not fair. He’s the one who beat a prostitute,’ April thinks out loud, sighing as she voices the horrible misdeed committed by her own flesh and blood. She brings her hands up to her face, swiping her hands down the length of it as she stares into space, thinking through everything

‘We’re sorry we took him away from you like that. We know this a heck of a lot more to have to come to terms with.’

April looks Sterling in the eye, piercing right into her soul. The connection makes Sterling's heart pound.

‘I don’t regret it.’

Blair utters the words quietly into no particulare space, knowing full well despite the volume that both her sister and April can hear her.

The girl tears her eyes away from Sterling in favour of the other twin, who eventually looks up to meet hers. There’s anger so very present, radiating from them.

‘He beat a defenceless woman. And he tried to beat us when we took him, we were just lucky we outnumbered him. We weren’t as experienced back then. He called us,’ Blair paused at the word, swallowing down a touch of bile. ‘ _Cunts_.’ 

April swallowed notably, hours ago playing in her mind like an old VHS tape she wished someone had recorded over.

'He told us he was going to make us pay for what we’d done. So I don’t regret it. If anything, tonight has definitively proved that he deserved it. The fact he treated his own flesh and blood that way -’

‘It makes me sick to my stomach,’ Sterling interjects, looking genuinely ill as she say the words, poison on her tongue.

‘I don’t regret it either. I’m sorry if it changes your opinion of either of us,’ she mumbles not able to school her words if she spoke any louder. ‘Or changes things with me.

‘But I'd understand if it does. I just couldn’t go on without you knowing, not when you’re here. Not when you don’t have to go back to that house.’

Blair stays silent, keeping it to herself that there are still days she worries about what he could do. Tonight they have enough to deal with.

A few moments pass, as April absorbs everything. Sterling can feel the tension in the air, and it’s only making her sicker.

‘Could...I’m really just so tired, and I think I could use a night to sleep on this. It’s been a, uh,’ she blows out a heavy breath, finally looking at Chloe as she scratches behind the dog’s ears, ‘crazy day.’

Sterling looks glum at the decision but _God,_ she understands.

‘Of course, we’ll let you get some sleep,’ Sterling says, rising from the dresser chair and instinctively reaching a hand out to help Blair up.

April rises too, presumably to go and get her bag with the few belongings she has to her name.

Blair attempts to coax Chloe away from the bed as she leaves the room. ‘Here sweet girl, let’s go and let Miss April get some shuteye, come on,’ she coos using that dumb voice she always does with the dog, but she at the ground, glancing up at April as the girl plants her bag on the bed.

The Stevens girl notices the pup’s uneasiness, and as if on cue Chloe pushes at her leg with her nose and whines quietly, making April’s heart clench.

Blair finally notices the reason for the labradoodle’s reluctance and she smiles kindly at April.

‘You okay if she sleeps in here tonight?’

April puts her hand on the dogs head, scratching softly. ‘I am all good with that. Thank you,’ she responds, offering Blair a similarly cordial smile. Sterling understands the context but this side of them both to each other is still just so... _weird_.

Something to get used to, she supposes.

Once Blair is out of earshot, April rounds on Sterling, who freezes in place.

‘Look I really, hate to ask but um, does Chloe, doe she...still have, uh...’ April asks, quietly gesturing to the dog sniffing a little at the opened bag on Sterling’s bed.

_Sterling’s bed_.

_Try not to panic, April._

Sterling looks slightly confused for a moment, before pulling that dopey realisation face April l...likes so much.

‘Oh, no no. Ella no tiene ningún gusanos, ahora está bien,’ Sterling announces, celebrating in her brain when April cracks an small, open-mouthed smile at her little antics.

‘Gracias, Carolina,’ April all but whispers.

It’d be enough to make Sterling collapse if what had transpired today hadn’t been.

‘Okay, well, um...sleep well. Text me if you need anything,’ she tells her, backing away through the ajar door and grabbing it to pull it close.

‘I will,’ April says, and it almost feels like a promise. ‘Goodnight Sterling.’

They hold each other's eyes for one more moment.

‘Goodnight April.’

She closes the door, softly letting her forehead lean against it as she hears distant rustling of Blair going through bail enforcement law papers in her room.

It’s barely 9pm, so she knows she’s unlikely to sleep for a while.

Hours begin to tick by, though. Blair eventually puts her vigorous study notes away and tries to reassure her sister as much as one can in such a unique situation, before promptly falling unconscious.

Sterling Wesley instead lies awake, sleep a distant memory, wondering how the day started like it had, and how on God’s green earth it had ended like this.

Of course she’s completely unaware April Stevens is next door, staring at the ceiling, thinking the exact same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do let me know what you think in the comments guys, your love is always wonderful and I'm always looking for ways to improve, so tell me your thoughts! 
> 
> Love y'all, and thank you for the wonderful response so far. It really is a joy to be writing again. <3


	4. Ain't No Sense In Closing The Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sterling and April spend the morning after discussing the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all! Your love for this piece is unreal, legit. Honestly couldn't be more thankful. Your comments give me life and I love that you're all loving it. Hope you enjoy this next instalment.

Sterling wakes with a start, the waning of an unsettling dream lifting her into consciousness.

It was more of a flashback, one that doesn’t seem to get easier to deal with. She just gets a little stronger every time.

It always ends with the way Dana looked at her.

She looks at the nightstand, seeing it’s 7:40. On a Saturday morning. Gosh, if she didn’t wish she had a more forgiving body clock right about now.

Groggily, she swipes her phone off the table, the only sound penetrating the room a soft snore from Blair on the other side off the bed.

It all hits her again, what happened yesterday. Who’s sleeping in her bed. Everything she went through.

All the people who disappointed her.

Including me, Sterling thinks.

Sterling snaps into focus pretty quickly as she sees the familiar name on her lock screen.

_**April:** _

_If you wake up before Blair, can we talk? Feel free to come in whenever._

She rapidly fires out a reply, a little too enthusiastic, before pausing, deleting it.

Sterling Wesley can do nonchalant. She hopes.

She quietly lifts the covers off herself, pulling herself up from the mattress and stopping only for a moment as Blair stirs behind her.

The other twin rolls over rapidly, dragging the now free comforter further over to her side.

Sterling takes a deep breath, opening the door to their shared bathroom before padding over to the other side, thinking it may be a good idea to knock. After all, she could have gone back to sleep.

‘Come in, Sterling.’

She should have remembered that the Fellowship leader could hear a pin drop.

Sterling walks in as April pulls herself up in the bed, leaning against the headboard and smiling softly at her.

‘Good morning,’ Sterling ventures, testing the waters for what she thinks might be another emotionally taxing conversation.

It’s okay, though. She knows she owes her this much.

‘Hi. Come sit,’ April tells her, lightly patting the free spot on the bed.

‘How are you?’ Sterling asks, sympathy riddled on her face even if she’s trying to contain it. She settles on the other side of the bed, cross-legged and picking at the comforter.

‘I slept surprisingly well, considering my life was upended yesterday. Clearly my body finally decided I’d earned the break,’ she muses, chuckling mirthlessly as she spins her laughably massive phone in her hands.

Sterling nods minutely, unsure of what to say. She had thought April would need more time before bringing things up again.

‘I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t about what you and Blair told me,’ April starts, twisting slightly as she focuses on the girl in front of her. Sterling has to try and look away as her pyjama top shifts when she moves.

God, she’s a puddle for this girl. It’s borderline ridiculous.

‘Before all that, I...had wanted to apologise.’

Sterling knits her eyebrows together.

‘For what?’

‘Well, I’ll start with the most recent thing and work my way back, shall I?’

‘April, you don’t -‘

‘Yes, Sterling, I do. Please let me.’

The sincerity in the girl’s eyes sealed the deal.

‘Okay.’

April looks down for a moment, collecting herself before looking back up into her eyes, staring right down the barrel. It’s heavily disarming.

‘I know that my admission and seeking out help from your parents last night probably won’t help with your plans to come out to them. I don’t know when, or if you were, but please know I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t think there was another, better way. I know that while mine didn’t go so well, coming out to your parents is a really significant moment in any queer person’s life and I acknowledge that what I did last night may impact yours. I never meant it that way. I was...I was just so desperate.’

Sterling breathes through her nose, struggling to hold back tears. April doesn’t really need to apologise for it, in her opinion; there are quite great extenuating circumstances. But she realised what sort of fallout it might have on Sterling. So she still acknowledged it.

She wonders if someone can simultaneously be growing into the bigger person and be completely perfect all of the same time.

‘I um...thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it. But to be honest there are so, so many things happening in this house right now that are more important and more pressing than me coming out, so really, while I understand how hard it is for you right now, your presence is a welcome distraction for all of us I think. Especially...Mom.’

‘Really? Should I even be here, I mean if you guys are going through stuff I can’t be another thing on your plates, I’ve done enough damage to you and the peace in this house already I-‘

‘April.’

April’s head snaps up from where it’s been staring into space, as she speaks at a hundred miles an hour and spins out. She feels the hand slip into hers, but she daren’t look down at it.

‘Please stop apologising. If we apologised for every bad thing we’d done to each other we’d be here for a while, and quite frankly at the moment I don't really care right now because all I care about is the fact you’re safe. I meant everything I said last night, and I know it’s going to take some time to repair our...friendship, but all I care about in this moment is that you are in this house and you are safe from that man.’

Sterling looks so steadfastly confident and April just isn’t prepared for it. She takes a shuddering breath, blowing it out slowly as she squeezes Sterling’s hand and lets tears drop from her eyes unencumbered.

‘I am?’

She sounds so terrified that Sterling’s heart shatters for the nth time in 12 hours.

‘Always,’ the twin offers with a gentle smile, a tear straying from her own eye as well.

‘Would you be comfortable telling me what’s going on? I don’t need to mention that I know anything to Blair, and it’s totally fine if you don’t want to, I’ll understand completely,’ April tries, trying to catch Sterling’s eye.

The twin, in turn, points at the headboard. ‘May I?’

‘Oh! Yes, of course. It’s your bed after all,’ April says, laughing a little as she scoots slightly to let Sterling settle next to her.

Neither of them mention how they’re still holding the other’s hand.

~()~

Sterling leans her head against the headboard, trying her best to gauge April’s reaction.

‘I...do not often take His name in vain, but damn,’ April all but whispers. ‘That is some heavy...shit.’

Sterling can’t help but start giggling.

‘Right? Señora O’Reilly would have a continent-wide hit with that telenovela,’ Sterling manages through her laughter, and April finds it infectious.

The laughter between the two of them begins to wane after a moment or so, and April regards the twin with a thoughtful look.

‘How are you so...’ she searches for the right word.

‘Okay about it all?’

‘I guess, yeah.’

‘We’ve all just been working through it. It’s been a rough few weeks, and knowing Levi is safely in a correctional in Alabama and that my parents...essentially chose me, chose to protect me as their own? We’re getting there. It’s slow, but yeah. We’re working on it. And as for Blair, well -‘

‘She’s awesome and wonderful and your favourite person in the world.’

The pair on the bed turned around to find Blair holding onto the door handle, head peeking out from the other side.

‘Don’t worry, I wasn’t eavesdropping. Was about to knock and I heard my name. Just had to let the truth be heard.’

Sterling rolls her eyes at her sister, and April beckons her in, telling her to have a seat.

‘Look, Wesleys,’ April beings, eyeing Blair, who has a mischievous look on her face as if she’s about to interrupt with another stellar one-liner. She shuts up quite swiftly.

‘I understand why you did what you did. Granted, it wasn’t exactly done with much thought about the side effects, the fallout on me, but we were all quite...vitriolic to each other back then. You did what any good bounty hunter would do. I believe. From my, limited knowledge but anyway, the point is you brought in the guy who was violent, misogynistic, horrible and deserving of what he got and much more. Yes, he’s my dad. He’s also a bigot who wanted to send me to conversion therapy. So swings and roundabouts.’

Blair and Sterling glanced at each other, having expected something...else? No.

Not worse, but maybe different.

‘In any case, I’m happy to close that...chapter if you two are. The only thing that concerns me is that you do it at all. You could get yourselves killed!’

Blair makes a feeble attempt to shush April as her volume gets louder, while Sterling’s just bulge out of her skull a little.

‘We know it’s dangerous, April, but Bowser always protected us. Apart from when I got hit in the head with a bible.’

‘That was one time though, Sterl,’ Blair reasons, and April just looks dumbfounded that it’s even a conversation the twins are having.

‘Besides, he’s out of town for a while and he’s told us we won’t be in the field any time soon. Which is why Blair is actually studying so she can get her license when she turns 18,’ Sterling says matter-of-factly, hoping the subject of studying will garner the Stevens girl’s approval.

‘Well. I still don’t entirely love the idea of Sterling - and even you, Blair - going out and risking your lives but...it’s your life, and as long as you take precautions it could develop, I guess, into being something that doesn't particularly bother me. Not that you need my approval or anything,' April hastens to say, holding her hand in front of her to show she's trying her best not to be the intense human she usually is. Sterling wouldn't mind, she knows that, but it's all one step at a time. 'But also if you want me to write either of you pop tests based on the material and quiz you then of course I will do that or whatever else you need help with in regards to studying for it,’ April quickly adds in, ducking her head away from the knowing smile Sterling is sporting and the exasperated look on Blair’s face.

‘Oh my god, even when you’re being nice you’re still talking about tests and studying,’ Blair says, and April would be worried if it wasn’t for Blair’s rueful smile. ‘I really appreciate it though.’

‘Yeah, we do.’

‘Thanks for understanding, Fellowship.’

April narrows her eyes at Blair minutely, but still, she can’t help but smile at the two of them. It’s a strange moment, the three of them being genuinely, if only a little, happy around one another.

It's a start.

A soft knock on the door snaps them out of their reverie, and Sterling says a quick come-in before they see Debbie cautiously step into the room.

‘Well isn’t this a sight for sore eyes, huh?’

‘Oh it’s totally like fifth grade all over again,’ Blair replies with a deadpan expression, making the other two laugh as Debbie looks on, first with confusion, and then almost...peace on her face.

‘Well. Anyway. I hope you slept well,’ she says tentatively in April’s direction, leaning her hand on the dresser chair.

‘I...I really did, thank you Mrs Wesley.’

‘Well I don’t know about you Miss April, but in this house, when we’ve had a bad day and we’re hurtin’, we heat up the pans and make chocolate chip pancakes with extra powdered sugar. Sometimes I even pip for milkshakes. Now how’s that sound?’

Sterling turns to April, who looks overwhelmed at the kindness.

Yeah. She definitely loves this girl.

_She’s so fucking screwed._

‘Well I will absolutely have to burn it off,’ she quips, and Sterling remembers she works out and has to steel herself for a moment. ‘But it sounds perfect. Thank you,’ she finishes kindly, and Blair gives an affectionate eye roll as Debbie laughs and sneaks back downstairs.

‘Okay, imma go get ready. Good talk Fellowship,’ Blair addresses April, zooming back to her room presumably to be ready as quickly as possible for pancakes.

Sterling tries to get up, but she seems glued to the spot as she looks at April.

‘I’ll uh, grab some clothes and get ready in the bathroom, give you your space.’

‘Oh, um. Yeah. Okay. Cool, thank you. Um, April?’

‘Yeah, Sterl?’

‘I missed you.’

April’s smile is blinding.

‘I missed you too.’

She disappears into the bathroom.

_So, so screwed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Girl, it's getting a lil' tense up in here... let me know your thoughts on developments. And yes. We going Kacey Musgraves on this mess, this'll be a burn. 
> 
> Of the slow variety. 
> 
> Muahaha.


	5. Brought Me Out Of My Chrysalis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April's first day back at Willingham after that night - part 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU. GUYS. 
> 
> Your comments are literally getting sweeter every chapter. You're all so wonderful and I'm dying. It's too much, oh my goodness. <3 
> 
> Seriously y'all. You are so so amazing. I don't deserve all this love. It's been a long while since I wrote so I'm glad I'm doing the story justice.

April stares at herself in the mirror, the uneasy expression hauntingly apparent.

She straightens her shirt collar one more time, knowing she can't really get it any straighter - ironic, really - but also having that tick in her head that just she just can't help. She needs something to take this nervous energy out on.

It's Monday morning in the Wesley household. The bubble that was the weekend has passed, and the fleeting hours she'd spent studying Spanish with Sterling and pouring through Blair's law enforcement notes as the twin smugly watches on feel like they drifted away in the blink of an eye.

She's still sleeping in Sterling's bed, the twins sharing Blair's room for the time being until she can find somewhere more permanent. She still can't quite believe that of all the places she'd land after her father kicking her out, it would be _here_.

In the bed of the first girl she kissed.

_Damn_.

She's snapped out of her reverie when there's a not-so-subtle knock on the door, and she turns to find Blair leaning against the doorframe, eyebrow raised and mouth screwed into a pout.

'Ready to go Fellowship?'

'I still haven't decided whether I resent that nickname, you know,' April all but snaps, grabbing her tote from the bed and sidling over to the door.

'You might as well just accept it now, it's sort of burned into my brain palace,' Blair replies with a sickly sweet smile, taking herself off the doorframe and taking a step or two backwards.

She stops when she notices April is seemingly unable to step across the threshold.

'Hey,' Blair beckons softly. 'You're gonna be okay. You have two of the most badass teenagers in that whole damn school by your side, you know.'

'That's if she wants us to be, Blair,' says Sterling, coming out of the adjoining room and offering a kind look April's way. 'We can leave you alone if you want. All I ask is you don't...treat us like the enemy.'

Sterling feels her sister's hand on her shoulder from behind. The comfort is so necessary in that moment, knowing that April may just want to not interact at school entirely.

'To be honest, there won't be a person at that place who isn't going to know. Hannah B will probably have been told to keep her distance from me, and who knows whether Ezequiel will even look at me -'

'Sorry to, um, interrupt,' Blair puts her hand up like she's at middle school, 'but isn't Ezequiel...'

'Also in the community? Most likely, slash definitely. But nobody voices it or says it, least of all him. I think his parents just sort of hope he never has the courage, it's really rather sad, actually,' April says, a sympathetic lilt to her voice as she thinks about her best friends.

'Look, either way. If you want us there, we will be. That's all. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm still going to throw any zingers I think of your way, but like, way, deep down in the pits, there is the knowledge that I will fight anyone who dares to say a word. You don't need that shit -'

'Language, Blair.'

'That shizz,' Blair corrects, sternly eyeing her sister, 'today. I think what Sterling is too nice to say is please don't be an asshole because her poor bumpkin heart couldn't handle it.'

'Oh my word,' April says under her breath, defeatedly, as Sterling slaps her sister on the arm in retaliation.

'I do really appreciate that. I could use all the company I can get, and I suppose y'all are worthy,' April says with a little laugh, Blair rolling her eyes and Sterling barely managingto suppress a grin. 'And, considering this weekend's...events, it should go without saying but, don't worry. I won't be an asshole. I promise,' April declares, catching Sterling's eyes, unable to stop the apprehensive smiles they gaze at each other.

Blair looks between the two of them vacantly, before clocking their lovestruck expressions and theatrically rolling her eyes. They're going to start aching with the amount she's done it this weekend.

'Pack it in, lovebirds, we got places to be,' she orders, pushing past the two of them before going downstairs to grab breakfast.

~()~

'Now April, honey, considering how word...travels, in these parts, Anderson and I were thinking we could come in and explain things to Ellen today. With your permission, of course,' Debbie tries, spooning blueberries out onto her plate as they all dig into breakfast.

April, mouth full, waits a second to finish it and nods thoughtfully. 'I would definitely appreciate not having to...explain all the details, some adult support would be really nice, thank you Mrs Wesley.'

'Good, great okay. I don't know what we're gonna be expecting but I think if we just go in as a united front, you know? We can all take her through it, see what she says,' the Wesley mother continues, April sheepishly picking up her coffee as she feels Sterling lean slightly her way, a silent offer of support.

'What if, um. What if she...' everyone knows what April is trying to say, and Sterling looks crestfallen at her nervousness.

'So I actually looked into it,' Anderson pipes up, hastily cutting his egg on toast and barely glancing at the four. Their eyes all gravitate towards him at the head of the table, almost surprised at his sudden entry into the conversation. 'Despite Georgia's less than pristine records when it comes to gay rights, in _schools_ , they can't specifically eject students for being openly LBGTQ+, and there are some protections in place for gay youth in the district regarding bullying. So on that front, you are all good, Miss April. The fees is something we're probably gonna have issues with, but we'll get to that,' he affirms, finally looking away from his breakfast to offer a warm, encouraging smile in April's direction.

April, quite overwhelmed at the pure thought, doesn't quite know what to say.

Of course, Blair does.

Well. It may not be the _perfec_ t thing to say, but it's something to fill a silence.

'It's _L G B_ TQ+ Dad, but that was still awesome,' she says quietly next to him, and he gives her a grin and raises his eyebrows like a kid who's just come out of a candy store with more than his mom initially said he could have.

'Thanks Mr Wesley. That's encouraging to say the least,' April finally answers him, and he gives her a wink before absentmindedly going back to the last of his breakfast.

'Right, well, then it's settled. Girls, if you just pop along to your classes as usual, we shouldn't be keeping April too long.'

April takes a shuddering breath in, and then has to mask her surprise as she feels a hand touch hers under the table.

She glances to her left to see Sterling glancing right back, a question in her eyes.

The Stevens girl takes the hand, squeezes, and lets go as she shifts in her chair.

'May I be excused, Mrs Wesley?'

'Oh honey this is breakfast, you don't need to ask at breakfast!' Debbie says, lightly slapping the girl on the shoulder as she gets up and starts clearing the table. April takes her own plate, and even reaches for Sterling's before she can take it herself. The twin offers a weak 'thank you' as she watches April move fluidly, unable to tear herself away.

'I knew she was gonna start showing us up in under 48 hours,' Blair mutters, picking up her own plate as the family and their guest ready themselves for the day.

As April gathers her things by the door, Sterling catches her eye for a quick second.

She can do this. She's gonna be okay.

~()~

There are only a few looks as she walks with the Wesleys into the school building at Willingham. They'd called ahead, the meeting approaching fast as they all stride down the corridor.

'Alright girls, see you later. April will be along to classes in a jiffy, don't worry,' Debbie announces, shooing them away with a quick hand pushing on Sterling's back as she lingers unconsciously.

She looks back again, as she and Blair walk to class, at an uneasy April. She knows it's bad cause she's doing that thing where she grips her tote bag handles on her shoulder so hard that her knuckles turn white.

God, she wants to be there for her.

'Mom and Dad really seem to have this handled, Sterl. C'mon,' Blair throws her arm around her sister's shoulder as they turn in the corridor, April finally leaving the line of sight.

Meanwhile, the Wesleys get April to take a seat in the Fellowship room, waiting to go into Ellen's office.

'Sweetie, what do you know about your financial situation when it comes to Willingham? I know it's a lot to ask, but any information we have would be helpful when talking to Ellen,' Debbie asks softly.

'All I know is my parents pay each term, so I don't know how up to date they are or what's...gonna happen,' April says, the realisation dawning on her.

This could be her last hurrah at Willingham.

What had she done?

The Wesleys and April hear the door open, turning their heads to see who they thought would be Ellen coming out the door.

She does, but much to their horror, so does John Stevens.

Her father. Her mother follows out, clearly not having expected to see April sat there with the Wesleys of all people.

'Well, if it isn't the heathen daughter,' John announces in a jovial voice, and April is frozen in place, fear rippling through her to the core.

'John, it's best if you just keep moving,' Anderson says, standing up and in the way of April's eyeline. She wonders how she got lucky enough to accepted by this family.

'I'll thank you to take your big ol' nose outta my affairs, Anderson. That there is my daughter, whether she's sinned or not. I have the right to talk to her.'

'Not when you kicked her to the curb, you don't,' Debbie says sternly, eyeing him whilst keeping that comforting hand on April's back. It's like Friday night all over again, but all the events at once.

'You thought about what I said, Padawan? That Pastor will do the world of good for ya,' John ignores Debbie in favour of looking around Anderson at his daughter, who ignores him and is actively trying her best not to go into sensory overload.

'Right okay, Wesleys and April, please do go on into my office. Mr Stevens, our meeting is over, I don't believe there's anything else you need is there?' Ellen pointedly stares in John's direction, staring John down as Debbie ushers April behind the sofa at a safe distance away from the situation. Anderson stays for a moment, almost completely blocking them from the vile man.

As April is almost in the office, she catches her mother's eye.

It's pure pain there. She looks tired.

'Are you okay?' she mouths at her daughter.

April nods once, thankful her father is still distracted by Ellen staring him out of the room.

The relieved sigh is the last thing she sees before the interiors of Ellen's office, all too familiar, come into view.

They sit on the chairs provided, Anderson soon following suit and Ellen shutting the door with a 'righteo y'all, okay'.

It would all be so normal if it weren't for the fact that the Wesleys weren't her parents.

And her future hangs in the balance.

'So, I got your daddy's side of the story, April, but to be honest, I don't particularly like the sound of...the way he told it. I want yours. As much as you're comfortable to give me,' Ellen starts, sitting in her chair and stacking her papers.

April breathes in through her nose, looking up and trying her hardest to be ready for this conversation.

'Put...simply, I came out to my parents. They um...they told me they could send me to a pastor who could...'cure me', and well...my mom decided I wasn't um,' April pauses, the tears are pooling in her eyes remembering, even though she knows her mother didn't mean it. 'Worth the money it would cost, and told me to pack a bag. I was kicked out. And I found myself going to the Wesleys house, which was clearly the right decision,' she finishes, grabbing a tissue from the box that Ellen has silently pushed to April's side of the desk.

'Right. Well, I'd like to start hastily by saying you are always, always accepted and loved as the wonderful child you are here, sweetheart. I know the culture around gay rights and that sorta hullabaloo is not particularly positive at Willingham, but I have been working to change that for a while. If you get any sort of flack while around campus, you just go right ahead and let me know, okay?' Ellen says with a kind smile. April nods a couple of times, not able to keep all the tears at bay now. She dabs at them, feeling a hand grip her wrist for a moment that she assumes is Debbie's.She won't look for fear she'll fall apart completely.

She hasn't seen Ellen this...calm before. It's comforting, but so disarming that she's thrown for six.

'Well, I really hate to do this, but as you probably may have guessed, your father and mother were in here for a reason,' Ellen begins, picking up the papers again and handing a copy each to the three of them.

'Mr Stevens is withdrawing fees and outstanding payments pertaining to your tuition effective immediately,' she recites, the letter already seared into the teacher's brain. She won't show it, but she is absolutely livid.

'What options do we have going forward?' Anderson asks, leaning forward as reads the rest of the letter.

'Well. There is a grace period for this type of thing, so until the end of the month, you will be able to keep studying unimpeded. However, after that, I'm afraid without payment of fees and such, the school board would look to move towards...ejecting you,' Ellen declares, almost sick at her own words.

'There are usually scholarships available, a very limited number, but you would only be eligible to apply for next year's scholarships for your senior year, which leaves the Spring semester hanging in the balance.'

'It's only the end of October, what about the rest of November and December?' Debbie asks, trying to crunch the numbers on the table Ellen has given her.

'Well honey, it's not even a couple months, I'm sure we can help out -'

'Please stop,' April bursts, unable to keep the conversation going any further without interrupting Anderson. 'I cannot ask any more of you, you have already done so so much for me. I know I'm not exactly in a position to do so, but I have to draw the line at that,' April pleads, the desperation apparent in her voice. She's so grateful, but she feels sick to her stomach at the position she's put the Wesleys in.

'Well I didn't mention them because they are taken care of,' Ellen says dismissively.

They all turn their attention to her, confusion written like unique manuscripts on each of their faces.

'Taken care of?' Debbie prompts.

'Oh. Yes. I paid that already.' 

'You...you did?'

'I most certainly did. Pardon my blaspheme but hell if I was going to let that man ruin your education by ripping you out halfway through a term just because he's misinterpreted some verses in our Lord's book. I can't do much, but I can get you to Christmas.'

April can't quite believe what she's hearing.

Ellen _personally_ paid six weeks of her tuition fees.

And Ellen does not get paid _nearly_ enough.

'It just means that if worst comes to worst, wherever you go next you'll be starting fresh. Won't have to catch up with so much. But I am hoping we can find a way to sort this before then, I'm talking to the board later this week,' Ellen continues, but April hasn't really been able to function since Ellen said she had _personally_. _Paid_. Her _tuition fees_.

'Okay, well, that's good to know. Give me a call when you hear what they say, if you could Ellen,' Debbie says, beginning to rise from her chair. 'April will be staying with us for the foreseeable, unless something else comes up, so being kept in the loop would be great. We'll see what we can do on our end.

'We'll see you after school, back at the house, April honey?'

April looks up from the chair at Debbie, whose kind eyes still don't cease to surprise her.

She nods minutely, whispers a thank you, and Debbie almost looks pained as she reluctantly begins to file out of the room. Anderson gives April a quick tap on the upper arm before following suit, knowing their presence cannot really do much more now. They were there when she needed protecting, at the very least.

Godsends. There is no better way to describe them, really.

April begins to gather her things, but is stopped by Ellen closing the door behind the Wesleys.

'You and I aren't done here yet lil' missy.'

April is still standing, having dropped her bag back on the floor at Ellen's order.

She looks at the teacher, who simply sidles over to her, clearly knowing what's over the hill.

'C'mere sweetheart,' she tells the girl, who simply buries her head into her shoulder and breaks, letting the tears come.

The Wesleys may have been kind to her, but Ellen has known her since she was a toddler. Ellen is the one who knew what she needs right at this moment.

'How could he do this to me?' April asks quietly through the tears, knowing that neither of them have an answer that will really make sense.

~()~

After cleaning herself up, thanking Ellen profusely for saving the rest of her winter term at Willingham and doing several breathing exercises in the staff bathrooms the teacher had given her temporary access to, April walks to Spanish class.

Outside the door, she steels herself, knowing that this moment - outside this door - may be the last she has at this school where she's the straight-laced, heterosexual queen bee. When she opens it, everything will change.

So she does it with an almost aggressive conviction.

Change is good, so they say.

'¡Abril! Que buena pudieras nos acompañes. Siéntate, ¡estamos en nuestras vacaciones!' **_(April! How could you could join us. Sit, we are on our holidays!)_** Señora O'Reilly parrots, looking far too excited, and April forces herself to look at her classmates as she crosses the threshold to reach her seat at the front of the class.

The overwhelming energy from the room is wildly nervous.

The majority of students, most notably apart from Blair, Sterling and Luke, seem to have their heads buried in their textbook.

With palpable fear on their faces.

She sits down confusedly, getting out her things and glancing to both sides to notice almost frozen bodies.

'Clase, en parejas. Vamos a hablar, en conversación casual, sobre nuestras vacaciones más recientes, ok? Y empezamos. Venga, ¡venga!' **_(Class, in pairs. We are going to have a casual conversation about our most recent holidays, okay? Let's begin. Come on now!)_**

April immediately turns round to see Sterling looking decidedly sheepish.

'As much as it's nice to have peace and quiet is there a particular um,' April glances again around the stock-still room, 'reason people look like ice zombies?'

Sterling raises her eyebrows, and simply turns to look back at her sister, who notices the glances and immediately looks defensive.

'What? They were all talking about...well, stuff, and I told them to stop.'

'I mean,' Luke interjects, clearly wanting in on the only conversation that had any flow in the classroom at the time, 'you did sort of, threaten them on pain of death if they kept, as you put it, 'gossiping about the private life of the only student in here who could smoke all of you like a Marlboro',so like...you did a little more than that,' he finishes, laughing again as he remembers the impressive insult.

April just stares at Blair with a mix of slight confusion and soft admiration.

'Oh stop looking at me like that Fellowship, you're still a nerd, that was never misrepresented.'

She chuckles in response, before turning her attention to Sterling.

'How'd it go?' the twin asked, clearly apprehensive about hearing the answer.

'I'm safe until Christmas, thanks to Ellen, but he's completely withdrawn outstanding payments for my fees. This could be my last semester at Willingham,' April explains, and Sterling's face is a picture of horror.

'That asshole, oh my goodness,' she replies, almost under her breath. 'Sorry.'

'No, that's the right word.'

'What happens now?'

'To be honest, Sterl...I don't know.'

Sterling almost moves to grab her hand, but she doesn't.

April appreciates the almost-gesture, but she wouldn't want to have to deal with more rumours regarding her and Sterling. The gay thing was enough on her plate for now.

Boy, shit was stacking up, she thinks.

For the moment though, she talks in perfect Spanish to Sterling about her trip to Mount Rushmore. They laugh as they reminisce, practice their language and April tries again in futility to get Sterling to roll her r's. 

And for a short while, April forgets.

_Thank God for Sterling Wesley._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what's gonna happen with April's schooling? The big pregunta...
> 
> I joined the Discord server that was set up for all the fans, with the same username as my tumblr - superscavenger - so if ya wanna talk to me about le fic just drop me a line on either one. 
> 
> I do have plenty of direction for this fic, but are there any lil' subplots you're intrigued by or wanna see? Lemme know down below. 
> 
> Until the next instalment friends!


	6. All The Games That You Think That You're Winning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April's first day back at Willingham, part 2. 
> 
> CONTENT WARNING: Homophobia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up y'all, what a wonderful week of #SelfiesForTBH!
> 
> Honestly, what a wonderful fandom this is. I'm so grateful for you all, even if I'm not brilliantly active on Twitter...
> 
> Mentally, I've had a rough one this week. However, I've been writing to escape, so the chapters are being readied thick and fast. Much more to come, and I've seen some suggestions in the comments I'll definitely be looking at so thank you so much! Keep your opinions and suggestions coming - your support and constructive criticism means a whole lot. Really. Thank you. 
> 
> Here's the next one - it's a lil' angsty, so I'm sorry for that, but I'm hoping it keeps y'all coming back for me - I have a whole plan for this fic now, it's really taking shape!

After a strange lunch sitting with the Wesleys and Luke - and getting almost no form of flack from Blair - April finds herself in the bathroom splashing water on her face, still attempting to calm her nerves from the events of the morning.

She remembers seeing Ezequiel at lunch. The way he eyed her up and down from a distance, before turning away and sitting at what would be their usual table with Hannah B.

Who didn't even look in April's direction.

She closes her eyes, trying to focus on her breathing.

'Hi.'

April's eyes snap open, and she jumps, hands fisted into balls in front of her and letting out an impromptu squeal.

Standing a couple of basins over is Hannah B, face a picture of nerves and sorrow.

It's a little heart-wrenching.

'You uh, you scared me.'

'Sorry, I know my face can be a little frightening when I'm tired,' she says, and April's eyebrows raise as she turns towards the girl, trying to decipher her odd comment.

'That's not - it's fine. Hannah B. Can I help you?' April asks, a little bite to her voice. This might be one of the few times she deserves it - after all, she's been ignoring her best friend all day.

'I just...I guess I wanted to explain why I've been blanking you.'

April leans her side against the basins, folding her arms. She stops short of raising an eyebrow. The girl is clearly trying to mend fences.

'I'm listening.'

'Word travelled pretty fast about what happened, your dad told my mom at the country club after golf on Saturday morning and it was spiralling from there. You know my mom can't keep a secret.That wasn't really what the um, issue was with me though. She told me that I wasn't allowed to see you anymore. Along with the fact that you're staying with the Wesleys, whom she apparently has girlcotted -'

'Girlcotted?'

'Boycott but smashing the patriarchy.'

April blinks slowly, once.'Right. Got it.'

'Anyway she has girlcotted them because of Sterling's 'transgressions', and she says that their 'heathen attitudes' are just confirmed because you've gone to stay with them,' Hannah B finishes, her voice meek and barely above a whisper. April isn't entirely surprised at what's transpired, but she's still crestfallen.

She does remember that this was never going to be easy, though.

'I see.'

'It's not that I don't want to be friends with you April, I mean are you kidding? You're like, my best friend in the whole world. You and Ezequiel.We're...the Holy Trinity, except we're all human, one of us isn't a ghost or an all-seeing being,' she says, taking a step closer to April, who's inwardly rolling her eyes at her but also understanding where she's coming from. 'But if my mom finds out I'm still friends with you she'll flip -'

'Are you still friends with me?'

'Huh?'

April looks down self-consciously at herself for a moment, before meeting Hannah's eyes sheepishly.

'I mean...are you? Doesn't it...bother you? At all?'

'What, you liking girls?'

April nods once. She's peculiarly scared as hell.

'Of course not. God loves everyone, judge lest ye be judged. Romans is definitely a book that prompts wider interpretation anyway. While the fundamentals of the Bible always remain the same,as society progresses as a whole the more specific teachings and statements can always change with the times. You still love God. He still loves you.'

April has to take a moment because _damn_ , that was informed as _hell_.

_Apologies, Lord._

'Well it's good to know that you don't despise my existence. And for the record, I'm sorry.'

'What are _you_ sorry for?'

'I haven't been fair to you. Or treated you right. I've taken you for granted and for that I am, truly. Sorry.'

There's a beat where neither of them say anything. April waits with bated breath, hoping that, before her best friend has to walk out on her, she can be safe in the knowledge they're on even footing. Or, at least, that she knows she's sorry for the way she's fobbed her off in recent months.

Hannah B doesn't say anything.

She simply surges forward and hugs April with all the strength she has.

Which is a lot more than she expected, to be quite honest.

It's not a second more before April hugs bag fiercely, remembering she hasn't really hugged Hannah all that much, throughout most of their friendship. 

She's always been selective about who she lets touch her body, in any way, shape or form.Ezequiel's always been a bit of a germaphobe, so their friendship had always been based more on a kinship of minds, and they'd liked it that way. Hannah B had always been a little like the odd one out. Not kept up with the quick thinking, the snappy jokes. But she had always been there when April needed her. Driven her to Yogurtopia on tough days. They didn't talk as much as she and Ezequiel, but in general they had each other's back.

She wonders if the reason they haven't really hugged is because Hannah never felt she could. Maybe April had just been so abrasive around her that she'd stopped trying, especially recently.

She regrets it now, knowing it might be slipping away because of judgemental adults. April knows how difficult she can be, but she also knows that she loves hard, and so ferociously.She sort of thought it went without saying that Hannah B was included in that.

Clearly she'd needed to say it.

She hasn't realised that she's been crying as they hug until she feels the girl wipe the tear off her face.

'You know I love you, right Han? Whatever. Always. I know how hard I can be to be around sometimes and I've been a real....asshole these past couple of months but -'

'I get it, April. It's been difficult for you, and while it did bum me out that sometimes you took it out on me, I know I can miss the trick sometimes, too. We all have our flaws.The Lord accepts us as we are, in his image, in our own different ways.'

'You're a really fucking _good_ person. I have never, ever given you enough credit,' April says, hugging her again while she still can.

'I know that, too.'

April laughs into her shoulder.

~()~

A quick catch-up,a plan involving a change of April's contact name in Hannah B's phone and a pact to meet at Yogurtopia once a week to keep the friendship leaves April feeling a little more settled about the whole ordeal.

Before Hannah B makes to leave, April can't help but poke the bear.

'Do you know if...do you know if Ezequiel would wanna talk to me?'

'He said to me earlier he just can't risk it. You know he's on thin ice with his parents as it is, they suspect so much and he just can't get them off his back. If he's seen with you, for them it'll basically be like him putting it up in those rayon lights.'

April's eyebrows knit together, not understanding Hannah B's little blunder for a moment before it dawns on her. 'Neon lights. Got it,' she muses thoughtfully.

'I do have one question though,' Hannah B says, her hand on the door ready to leave.

April raises her eyebrows in answer, a prompt of sorts.

'How come you never told him? If anybody was gonna get it...'

'I know. I couldn't drag him into my mess, not when he's dealing with his own.'

Hannah B just nods, sympathy written into her features.

'See you next week?'

April smiles with slight tears in her eyes.

'See you next week.'

She's alone again, then.

But her heart feels like it's a had a stitch put in.

One she really needed.

~()~

The day finishes without much more excitement, much to April's relief. She'd sat next to Sterling in Bible Study, managing to tune out any whispers behind. She could have said something, given them her trademark death glare, but she just didn't have the energy. Today had been enough as it was, and it was almost as if the constant desire to look perfect and daintily straight in front of all her classmates and melted away.

She can block out the stares she gets as she strides to the Volt after calculus.

But, unfortunately, she can't block out the boy who is sidling towards her.

'Hey April,' Oliver beckons, 'wait up.'

April keeps walking, training her eyes forward.She can't see either of the twins anywhere just yet.

'I said wait up, I just wanna talk,' he shouts, starting to run toward her.

She finally stops, ready to turn and give the guy, whom she faintly remembers from the golf team, a peace of her mind.

'What is it, Oliver?'

'Whoa, hey, no need for the bite,' he says, 'just wondered if you fancied going out with me tonight?'

April struggles to look composed, her eyebrows knitting together as she processes his dumb question.

'Okay, so, either, you haven't heard the hottest news in school or you've chosen to completely ignore it, because it would prompt you to remember that the last thing that I would do would be to go out with you. A guy.'

'Ah! See, that's just it,' he replies, clearly having been waiting for that sort of answer. 'I think I can help you out there. Alleviate the rumours. Maybe even straighten you out.'

April closes her eyes, trying to contain herself.

She doesn't need to punch anyone today.

It's _re_ _ally_ not worth it.

(Even if she wants to.)

'That's not going to happen, I'm afraid.'

'What, you really think you'll survive at this place being a fag?'

He says it loud enough that it attracts considerable attention in the quad around them.

April inadvertently takes a step back. 

She's heard it around school, like she told Sterling those weeks ago. In sparse conversations. Context unknown.It unsettled her then.

It rips fear into her now.

'I'm just trying to help you out here, April. Fellowship leaders generally don't want to commit sodomy.'

Anger intertwines with the fear.

'I am doing no such thing, Oliver. Back off.'

'What, don't you know the meaning of sodomy? Take the assistance, April, don't ruin your life by choosing to be a fa-'

Suddenly, Oliver is four, five, six steps away from her. 

In between them is an almost rabidly angry Blair, balling her fists in his lapels despite him having a good couple of inches on her.

'Say that again Oliver, I swear to fucking Old Spice!'

He struggles against her, but he's clearly a lot more weedy and Blair has had a lot of practice wrangling idiots who are bigger than her.

Sterling appears next to April, her hand wrapping round her shoulders and a thunderous look on her face, trained right at Oliver.

'You say that word again or even so much as LOOK in her direction I will end you, and don't think I won't do it, I haven't got shit to lose!' she keeps pushing him back, and a couple of steps later he trips back over a small rock in the grass and falls on his ass.

Sterling doesn't take her eyes off the altercation as she whispers in April's direction.'You okay?'

April simply nods, taking in a shaky breath.

Blair's face is like raging thunder as she roars at him on the ground. 'God loves all His children that He made in His own image, dickweed!'

Oliver scrambles up, backing away as some of his classmates watch, clearly without any appetite to involve themselves in the altercation. April faintly remembers that Oliver never seemed to have that many friends. She wonders where he got the gall.

'You're gonna regret that, Wesley,' he mutters weakly, clearly knowing as soon as he says it that it's a terrible idea to even talk at this point.

'Am I? Am I really?' she retorts sharply, almost growling, advancing a little on him again.

He all but runs away, and Blair turns towards Sterling and April.

April has a few options here.

She can turn away, walk down the street and eject herself from facing up to anything in this situation.

She could retreat back to the school, involve Ellen.

Or she could accept that finally embracing the friendship of the Wesley twins might have been her saving grace.

And accept that, she can, sometimes, let herself be taken care of, instead of constantly taking care of herself. Be defended, instead of constantly having to defend herself.

'Let's just get out of here before we do anything else, okay?'

April can't seem to find her voice, and she looks up at Sterling, who is clearly looking for an answer of some sort.

Their faces are quite close, and before, she would probably have worried it was all a little too obvious.Right now she can't bring herself to care.

She simply nods, and Blair still looks like thunder as she storms past them towards the car.

The drive away from the school is silent, and April thinks she hears that they're going to the Yogurtopia in a weirder part of town that she expects.

She just lets the world melt away as she watches the buildings sweep by out of the car window.

Sterling is the one that notices in the rearview that tears are escaping April's eyes.

She thinks better of mentioning it.

~()~

Blair is already through the door of Yogurtopia before April can think about getting out of the car.

Sterling turns in the driver's seat, reluctant to spook the girl in the back.

'Hey,' she attempts softly, and April's eyes refocus on her as she furiously wipes at her face before smiling almost cordially, waiting for a question of some sort.

'You wanna go in? Miss Cathy knows us in there, she'll give you a serving on the house. Or she'll take it out of my pay check later. Either way it's taken care of. I just need to make a phone call, okay?'

April breathes in, composing herself, before replying. 'You know you sound like a Mafia boss, right?'

'Is it hot?'

She can't help but let a teary laugh out, sniffling a little as she watches Sterling give her a lopsided smile. She's not used to seeing it.

Her whole aura right now is a little hot, if she's being perfectly honest.

It's a good distraction.

'Go get your yogurt, I'll be in in a sec. I imagine Blair is punching the cardboard lady to cool off.'

'I'm just not going to even ask.'

Sterling giggles as she opens the car door, and April watches her walk around the building before doing the same.

April walks into the shop tentatively, eyeing the space with a wary demeanour.

Along with the soft whir of the yogurt machine, she can hear the faint sound of Blair in the back, clearly punching something.

She's very thankful for that ball of fire today.

'Ah, now you must be Miss April,' says a voice behind the counter, and April whips round her head to see an older black woman, fists resting against the counter and an easy smile on her face. Her presence is strong, yet calming.

'That,' April pauses, catching her breath. 'That would be me, yes. Miss...Cathy?'

'Yes ma'am. I heard you're in need of a pick-me-up.'

April holds back a fresh wave of tears.

She's not let herself emote this much in years.

It's both cathartic and highly irritating.

~()~

Not too long after April has sat down with her strawberry frozen yogurt, piled high with an array of toppings she wasn't aware could _go_ on frozen yogurt, she looks up to see Blair coming out of the back office.

'Hey,' she lets out with a huff, stacking nothing but sugary toppings in a medium cup and plonking herself down in a chair across from April.

'You feeling better?' April asks, an eyebrow raised.It isn't like she didn't hear Blair's outburst in the back office, but she won't pry.

'Am _I_ feeling better?'

April knits her eyebrows together in question, not really understanding why Blair is so confused.

'You're so calm. That...assbucket just...ugh, I don't know how you're so composed,' she says, taking a far-too-large mouthful of what looks like Milk Duds and Sour Patch Kids together.

April tries not to grimace at the vile combination.

'Part of me thought it wasn't worth it. Another wanted me to wring his neck. I'd settled on just walking away until you galavanted onto the scene.'

Blair makes to protest, either in apology or defence of her actions, April isn't sure, but she doesn't let her get the word in just yet.

'Which I don't think you will ever understand how much I appreciated, by the way.'

Blair softens at that. 'I just...I know that out of anybody at that wretched place you are definitely one who can fight your own battles, but that word makes my blood boil. You and I may have had our differences, Fellowship, but you live under our roof now. I'm not gonna let bigots like that get under your skin if I can help it. Plus, the unexpected, added bonus is that I showed Sterling that I care. That she knows I'm always gonna be on her side. I mean, we _have_ patched things up a lot but...wait. Do you -'

'Know about the aunt slash mom slash twin not twin situation? Yeah. Sterling told me at the weekend, I hope that's okay.'

'Yeah, I guess it's all good. If we're all going to... be in the same house for a while, Sterling was going to wanna clue you in sooner rather than later.'

'She can see how hard you're trying, you know.As I once told your sister, y'all are...upsettingly close. You're gonna be okay.'

'Yeah, we're getting there.'

April smiles at that. 'She loves you so much. It's genuinely ridiculous but it's nice seeing her happy when you guys go round school together,' she thinks out loud. 

Her mind drifts to August.

Her Auggie.

She tries to rein in her emotions in front of the twin, but it's a little useless. She delicately swipes a tear away that escapes, and Blair narrows her eyes in question. 

'I know a lot's on your mind, but I got a quarter if you want an ear.'

April rolls her eyes, before looking over the door, wondering where Sterling has gotten to for a moment.

'It's um,' she composes herself, bringing her eyes back round to Blair, who's leant forward, hands clasped and elbows resting on the table. 'My sister. August. I just miss her. A lot. We definitely don't have a Wesley twin relationship, she's an annoying 12-year-old, but I'm so worried about her. She'll only have heard the wild stories going round at school, I'm not sure Mom would have said anything, or anything _truthful_. Wants to keep her out of the firing line, you know. She'll be okay, but...we'd actually arranged an obstacle course afternoon today after school, one of those tough mudder type things? She'd been on about it forever and I'd bought her the tickets as a birthday present. I keep having this recurring like, daydream of her insisting she keep her glasses on while she does it, letting them get all muddy and not even caring. Guess she'll go with somebody else now', April finishes, her voice breaking a little. She keeps it together, but it's not a fun experience trying.

Blair's heart breaks for April. It's usually a foreign feeling, but sadly it's slowly becoming more familiar.

She resolves to be part of the reason it becomes foreign again.

'I know it's gotta be hard right now, I do get that. Just keep that knowledge that she's okay, that she's safe with your Mom. Your Dad wouldn't do anything rash, would he?'

'Goodness, no, he wouldn't dream of harming a hair on her head. I was the prodigy, but she's the favourite.'

Blair nods thoughtfully.

'Just hold on to that then. Other things can be figured out as we go. It's early days right now, Fellowship,' she declares, and when April nods back, a thoughtful pout on her face, Sterling walks in.

'Hey, where'd you skulk off to, dear sistercousin of mine?'

Sterling scoffs, letting her bag fall off her shoulder as she sits at the table.

'Nowhere important. Just had to talk to someone. Everything cool here?' she asks carefully, still a little wary of Blair around April. The transformation of their relationship in a number of days has been nothing short of astounding, but she still worries a little.

April smiles at Sterling, taking her in for a moment. She looks better, more confident than she did a month ago. A soft wave in her hair frames her face in a way that's so much more captivating than any of her other looks, and her eyes always sparkled anyhow.

The Stevens girl snaps out of her daydreamy look when Blair kicks her under the table.

'Yeah,' April says, masking the slight pain in her shin and a death glare she wants to give the brunette twin. 'Better now my knight in khakis and an orange polo shirt saved me,' April says with a raised eyebrow.

'Oh yeah. She talkin' about _me_.'

The girls don't stifle their giggles at Blair being an idiot, and April thinks she'll be able to keep her head above water for now.

She's got Blair and Sterling Wesley on her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone say it with me: Fuck Oliver 2k20 x
> 
> Let me know what you think.
> 
> I love y'all <3


	7. They Say Everything That Goes Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April has a nightmare, and an interesting conversation with an unlikely party.

Sterling stirs in Blair's bed as she hears a muffled voice.

Leaning up onto her elbows, she looks with one eye open at Blair, as she gets adjusted to the darkness in the room, who's still fast asleep. Huh. 

Can't be her. 

She hears something again, a little clearer this time. A whimper. 

It's coming from her bedroom. 

She quietly rushes to across the shared bathroom and knocks tentatively, not getting much answer apart from distressed noise. 

Opening the door as quietly as she can, she sees the source of the sound - April, tossing and turning in her sleep, clearly having what must be an extremely vivid nightmare.

Sterling quickly goes over to sit on the bed, putting into practise what Blair had been doing with her in recent weeks, and what her mother had done for them both when they were children.

'April,' she says clearly, a little loudly, trying to rouse the girl. She quickly snaps her head back to check she had shut the door the door before focusing all her attention on April.

Putting one of her hands on the April's shoulder, she finds it's shaking a little. She feels awful for her. 

She shakes it gently, once or twice, and another well-timed voicing of her name seems to do the trick. 

April gasps, waking sharply and turning to the side for a moment, putting her hand flat on the sheet and catching her breath. 

'Hey,' Sterling says, and the girl's head whips round to finally notice Sterling's presence.

She's still breathing heavily, but her fearful face softens and she slowly brings herself to a sitting position, not looking directly at Sterling. She leans into the hand still on her shoulder. 

'Just a nightmare. You're all good, you're safe,' Sterling says, her voice back down to a whisper. Tentatively, she moves her hand up to the side of April's neck, a thumb venturing to swipe at her jawline. 'You're safe.' 

April closes her eyes as she focuses on her breathing, calming down with each one taken. 

Her neck is hot under her hand, Sterling feels. 

'Did I wake you? I'm sorry.''

'Don't apologise. We all have nightmares, it's understandable especially at the moment.'

'You're going to be so tired at school tomorrow, you'll be no use to anyone.' 

Sterling chuckles, not in the least bit surprised that April is thinking about school performance. 

'I will get myself a sugar free Red Bull and deal with it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.'

April smirks a little bit, blinking slowly. 

Sterling is mesmerised.

'You shouldn't have to do that, you already do enough for me.'

'I don't think I'll ever feel I'm doing enough for you, April Stevens,' Sterling sighs, stroking the thumb across April's jawline once more. The movement makes April shudder.

'You know,' Sterling continues, reluctantly taking away her hand away from April's face and shifting so she's fully on the bed. 'Whatever terms we've been on, whoever has given you grief, including me, or whichever ridiculous thing you're doing or having to do, I have  always noticed how ridiculously strong you are.' 

April leans back against the headboard, smirking properly this time, the lopsided corner smile taking shape on her face like it's home. 'Well I do lift, you know that.' 

Sterling giggles breathily, looking down for a second to compose her damn self, trying her best not to melt into a puddle. 

'You know what I mean. Not that I'm saying you're not, physically strong. Just...you're so resilient.You could get through all of this and more without anybody, just with this...sheer, unwavering steadiness. Like one of those coffee mugs you can get that won't fall over.' 

April scoffs softly. 

'My point,' Sterling continues, reaching out tentatively to take April's hand, studying it with both her own as she looks down at what she's doing. 'Is that you can get through anything, and I believe that. But you don't have to do it alone.' 

April loosens her hand in Sterling's, letting the muscles go limp, making them more pliable to Sterling's touch as she processes her thoughts. 'I've always thought dealing with it alone meant protection. Meant safety. But I suppose what it led me to understand was, well...what kind of life is it? Like you said at Mr Koontz's memorial. Being alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely. But  working through _problems_ alone doesn't get anybody anywhere. May Mr Koontz rest in peace,' April says, bristling at her own mention of the unfortunate substitute teacher.

'Amen,' Sterling says, still fascinated by April's hand. It's as if she's studying each line, each pad, each callous, one by one. 

And it doesn't bother April at all. 

'There's plenty of things I want to do and achieve on my own in this world, and I will. But I'm starting to realise there's a whole lot more I want to do with people I care about.' 

Sterling finally tears her eyes away from their hands, letting herself get lost in April's. So open and engaged and willing to share, like windows into the girl's own soul. 

'The first thing I want to do is get better. Which is something I don't need to do alone. So it's time I started _actually_ asking for help with that.' 

Sterling pouts her lips in quick thought, before nodding once. 

'Okay.Ask me for one thing, right now. What, April Stevens, can I help you with on this fine evening?' 

'If it's not too much pressure or trouble -'

'Retract,' Sterling instantly replies, shaking her head. She squeezes April's hand before letting it go, leaning forward on her crossed legs.'Start again.' 

April raises an eyebrow as she keeps a grin at bay. 

'Sterling, I'm not feeling particularly comfortable sleeping by myself tonight. After my nightmare. Would it possibly be okay if you slept next to me? If you're comfortable with it, of course.' 

Sterling's heart skips a good couple of beats. She can't say she was expecting that. She knows nothing will _happen_ , but just the thought of the idea shoots butterflies through her stomach.

'Of course. Happy to help,' she responds with a smile, and April wordlessly shuffles over to let Sterling get under the covers. 

'I know Blair and I have the exact same mattress but I am still so sure mine is better than hers,' Sterling whispers as they settle next to each other. 

'Well we can figure something out eventually, and you'll be back in your superior bed for real in no time.' 

'This works fine for me until then,' Sterling says with a giggle. 

April just smirks in Sterling's direction.

'Thank you, Sterl.' 

'You're welcome, April. Goodnight.' 

'Night.' 

'Wake me if you need me.' 

Sterling feels a small hand squeeze her shoulder. 

The smile barely leaves her face as she drifts into sleep.

~()~

Blair doesn't ask why Sterling was in April's (her own) bed the next morning. She  _does_ slap her for not leaving a note and letting her spiral for all of thirty seconds, before Sterling had entered the room to grab her phone.

April's rummaging through her locker, trying to find the calculus book she is sure she'd left in there after yesterday's class.She eventually catches sight of it about to fall into the locker below at the back.Satisfied, she puts the book in her tote and shuts the locker door only to find Luke standing there out of nowhere, a stoic look on his face.

'Luke! Oh my um, oh my goodness. Please for the love of Yoda do not do that,' she says, having to catch herself before slightly blaspheming twice. 

'Sorry, I don't usually get that reaction, I'm a little big to be stealthy and sneaky,' he quips, laughing nervously.

They're on pretty good terms since after the lock-in.April politely refused Luke's invitation to go on a date, citing personal issues 'preventing her being in a good headspace for dating'.Of course, he's very much aware of what such issues were  now , and his subsequent attempts at small talk thus far haven't been fruitful, but he knows patience is a virtue. 

'Everything okay?' 

'Fine, actually, thank you for asking, this is actually more about you,' he says, quickly rubbing the back of his neck, a nervous tick he's never seemed to notice he has. 'Sterling actually told me about what happened with Oliver yesterday, I hope that's okay.' 

'Oh,' April says, realisation slowly dawning on her face. 'That'll be why she went all mafia yesterday.' 

Luke knits his eyebrows together, his eyes narrowing innocently as he tries to decipher April's odd comment.

'She just excused herself after school saying she had to 'go make a call',it was a little Sopranos-y. I'd wondered what was going on,' April explains easily, looking up at look with a minute smile. 

'Anyway I just wanted to let you know we have an absolute zero-tolerance policy for that sort of language being used or that sort of behaviour.We've taken him off the golf team effective immediately,' Luke announces, as if he's the competent Chancellor of a university or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company actually owning up to their mistakes. 

If they even exist, April remembers quickly. 

'You didn't have to -' 

'No, April, we did. I talked to Franklin about it and he was adamant that it happen the moment he heard. Anyway, Oliver was always a bit of a jackass, if you'll excuse my French,' he says, looking around to see if anybody had heard him. 

'I do really appreciate you standing up for me like that, Luke. It means a lot that not everybody thinks...that way. I know it's a hard pill to swallow in these parts,' April says, and she begins walking to Spanish with Luke quickly taking her left flank. 

'Franklin actually was telling me, um, he gets so annoyed at you for being a try-hard, as he put it, before, but like...I think he really respects you for being yourself like that.' 

April is in thought for a moment, almost perplexed that Franklin had even _had_ thought processes at all about her 'big reveal'. 

'Can I ask one thing?' 

'Sure, of course, whatever you want,' he says, in his ever-eager puppy voice. 

'I'm not saying that you did anything absolutely god-hatingly terrible. You didn't, in my opinion, I have my own very complicated thoughts around that subject, but...Franklin kicked you off the golf team after you and Sterling, you know...did the deed. You're back on though now.' 

'Yeah.'

'What's to say that he won't...let Oliver back in after a while? After all, they're both mistakes made. If Oliver's remorseful like you were then what's the difference?'

Luke smiles knowingly, clearly having expected this. He stops and turns to face April, who eyes him suspiciously.

'The difference is, April, that he was malicious and he was a douchebag. He actively went out of his way to hurt one of the most accomplished members of the student body with horrible language that doesn't need to be voiced like that. Franklin knows that I messed up, that I haven't strayed from the light and that I'm good for my promise that I won't do anything else to jeopardise the team's standing,' he pauses, almost for effect as he looks into the distance like some hero from a western. 

April lightly smacks him once in his stomach, snapping him out of whatever out-of-this-world dream he's been having. 

'Sorry,' he says. 'Oliver, on the other hand was not. He was a complete ass, really. Most of the golf team are in agreement that they take issue with sex before marriage, people who don't go to church and a whole load of other stuff, but the one of the things they really don't have a problem with is the LGBT community. You're proof you can be both devout and out. You don't hate anyone. You're just living your life. Oliver made a point that he hates what you are when he did that to you. Nobody should ever be treated like that just for being who they are. That's why he's not coming back.' 

April composes herself as she listens to Luke's explanation.It's heartfelt. 

She's forgotten how utterly kind this giant oaf is. Always has been, even. 

'Hey um, by the way - I was wondering if you possibly wanted to like...have a Star Wars marathon at some point. I haven't rewatched them in so long and you're really cool to hang out with. Plus, bonus, my mom knows so she's not going to police it as hard as she did whenever Sterling used to come over,' he finishes nervously. He rubs the back of his neck again, and April smiles fondly. 

April senses it and brushes over his comment, knowing he means well and almost loving him for it. 'How's Friday night? Blair and Sterling both have...things going on that day so I'll be free as a bird.' 

'Awesome! That's so awesome. Do we have to watch the prequels though?' 

April sighs, looking up at Luke as they walk into the classroom.

'Well for continuity purposes we really should, but I won't tell if you won't,' she whispers conspiratorially. 

Luke holds his hand out and for a moment April's perplexed, before it dawns on her he's asking for a fist bump.

April can't actually  _recall_ the last time she did a fist bump.

Knocking her fist against Luke's, she sits down at her desk, eyes on her books, ignoring the bug-eyed Blair and the smirking Sterling. 

She smiles. 

~()~

April is in usual seat for bible study, writing some notes in her book, when it happens. 

Both Sterling and Ezequiel walk in at the same time, and she doesn't think she's ever seen him move so fast; before Sterling can even make an effort to get to their now regular table, Ezequiel has sat down next to April, and looks up at the twin clearly expecting a tense standoff. 

Instead, he's met with Sterling smiling at him sweetly and taking a seat beside Hannah B instead. 

April watches the whole exchange with complete confusion, not even flinching when Ezequiel glances her way before the lesson begins. 

Ellen assigns them their task but if April's entirely truthful, for once she isn't listening. 

She's just sort of taking in the fact that Ezequiel has not only acknowledged her presence, but sat by her in class. 

Trying to snap back into life, she looks at the board with a laser-focus. Something about Old vs New Testament interpretations.

It lasts all of two minutes before she feels an elbow hit her arm. 

She whips her head to the side to see Ezequiel gesturing with his head to the notebook in front of him, beautifully calligraphed words on the top left corner of the page. 

**_My parents are on me like hawks right now_ **

****

**_I'm so sorry_ **

April doesn’t even look at him, for fear she'll break. She decides to just write a reply as quickly as she can, not wanting to show weakness in front of a class full of students. 

**_Don't apologise. Are you safe?_ **

She doesn't wait for him to write. Instead, steeling herself, she looks at him hoping for a yes. 

He nods once, minutely. 

She writes again. 

**_That's good. Let's keep it that way._ **

****

**_I miss you_ **

He smirks a little at that. The reply he scrawls is, once again, beautifully written.

**_You too, Queen_ **

She almost laughs at that.Looking away from the notebook, she sees Ellen clock the little note fest the two are having.

April's worried for a moment, but when Ellen smiles to herself and turns back to the whiteboard, her heartbeat slows and she finds the courage to go back to her work. 

When he leaves class the moment the bell chimes, Hannah B hot on his tail, April feels a weight lift. 

She only just catches the lightning fast grin from Hannah B as she trails out fo the classroom behind him.

Packing up her books, she chances a look at Sterling, who's barely made a move to leave the classroom. She offers a sympathetic smile and whips out her phone. 

April's eyebrows furrow as she feels her own vibrate in her pocket. 

**_Sterl_** :

_Follow me_

As the other people file out of the room Sterling slinks out between them, and April almost begins to run to catch up until she realises how eager she looks. 

Finding that she's been led to an empty hallway, it's only through sheer chance she spots the slightly ajar janitor's closet door at the end of it. 

Tentatively, she pushes it open, only to find Sterling unceremoniously dumping her bag and turning to face April. 

'Is everything okay? This feels oddly familiar,' April quips, and Sterling smiles as she closes her eyes and remembers for a second or so. 

'All good. You,' Sterling says pointedly, walking towards the Steven's girl who has shut the door behind her. 'Just looked like you could use a cuddle.' 

April is about to look surprised, but she schools her features, putting on her best lopsided smirk and pointedly raised eyebrow. 'I don't  _cuddle_ .’

'Sure,' Sterling agrees absentmindedly, stepping into April's space and wrapping her up in a warm hug. 'No cuddling. Got it.'

April wordlessly wraps her arms around Sterling's middle, letting her head drop into the crook of Sterling's neck. 

It isn't really a 'friends' cuddle. 

It's that sort of hug that makes you feel butterflies, ones that hit every corner of her stomach. For April, it's almost overwhelming. 

That intense urge she had all those weeks ago - granted, she never really stopped  _having_ it - is rumbling deep within her again, and she's having a lot more difficulty pushing it down. 

Sterling is doing a wonderful job of simultaneously being a well-rounded support system and the very thing that might undo her completely. 

April shudders lightly, finally blanking out her thoughts and letting herself be held by the girl she can't get out of her head. 

The girl she  _loves_.

It's enough for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all.
> 
> I’m seething. The fact Netflix really think they can just cancel good, honest queer rep because the viewership isn’t perfect just makes my blood boil to the core. 
> 
> Ratings were through the roof. Media love was coming from all sides. 
> 
> They made a mistake.
> 
> Let’s save this damn show. The rep is too important. 
> 
> Even if you’re not active on Twitter, there are petitions to sign, emails to write and so forth. If you have any questions please drop me a line, my tumblr dms are open. We also owe it to a wonderful cast to try.
> 
> Please hydrate, take care of yourselves and keep pushing for representation in all walks of life. We are here, queer, and deserve better. 
> 
> Love y’all. 
> 
> Your comments, as usual, make my heart burst. Please keep ‘em coming. The love is definitely needed at the moment, it’s been a tough ol’ week. 
> 
> #SaveTeenageBountyHunters


	8. Must Come Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April spends some time bonding with Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I apologise for the very late update. 
> 
> I've been on set for a short film all weekend, which was extremely taxing but wild fun. It's actually about a girl who begins to have lovey-dovey dreams about her best friend and is discovering her sexuality, and it's wonderfully sweet. We're currently trying to crowd-fund to finish off production and post-production, and while I know there's a big ol' campaign going on in the realm of TBH saving, I would adore y'all if you could signal boost our Indiegogo. The film is called From A to Q, it's sweet as hell, and we are so excited to share another lil' nugget of good representation on screen.  
> https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/from-a-to-q-help-us-finish-production#/
> 
> ANYWAY - back to the story.
> 
> I really hope it's worth the wait for you guys - again, I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting. <3

_Thursday_

The next few days, thankfully, pass without much issue.

April still gets the odd look in the hallway, but with Sterling unabashed at her side and Blair glaring at anybody who dares be in any way strange in her direction it fizzles out pretty quickly.

She has lunch with Luke a couple of days in the week, too. Turns out their nerd-bond goes much deeper, with the, both enjoying Marvel and DC, but heartily disagreeing on which is better.

April insists cooking dinner for the Wesley family, citing it as the least she can do. She makes enchiladas rojas. It's from the list, in her head, of all the foods her father never really liked the family eating because it was a little too 'ethnic' for his tastes.

It's divine, of course. Debbie insists that April cooks once a week when she's able - hastening to add that it's not because she needs to 'contribute', which April is adamant she should be doing anyway - and it makes her heart feel full.

It's even more so when she thinks of the connotations. That they want her to be around that long.

She sheepishly asks Debbie after dinner for permission to be home late on Friday night, telling her about her planned Star Wars marathon with Luke.

'Well sweetheart, we ask you're home by eleven and I'd say leave room for Jesus, but well, it's not like we need to worry about that!' she quips, chuckling at her own little jest.

April's eyebrows raise for a second, before she schools her expression and smiles, having been quite surprised at Debbie's ability to make a joke about it all.

'Wait, sorry, that probably wasn't the best thing to say -'

'No, Mrs Wesley it's...it's nice to hear things like that. Makes it all feel, um, a little more normal.'

Debbie's worried features soften, and she squeezes April's upper arm before moving to pick up the laundry hamper.

'Oh, wait, I can do that - it's mostly mine anyway,' April said, cutting Debbie off and picking up the hamper, smiling easily as she heads to the utility room.

April hears her quietly whisper to herself in the kitchen.

'Can you teach my daughters to do that, Lord?'

She giggles.

_Friday_

If there was anything April is _supposed_ to be expecting, she didn't think it would be Luke showing up at his front door in his full Jedi robe.

'I thought I felt a disturbance in the force.'

April stands on the step, mouth agape, watching look as he stares heroically into the distance again.

He has a real penchant for doing that.

'Um...hello, you absolute giant nerd.'

Luke points his lightsaber directly in April's face, almost taking an eye out with it. 'And proud of it. Come on in,' he beckons, putting the lightsaber down and taking the robe off before gesturing with his head toward the kitchen.

'Mom you remember April Stevens?'

'I most certainly do, Miss April,' Lynn Cresswell says, coming round the island which April has found her hands have clasped themselves on top of.

'It's lovely to see you again Mrs Cresswell, it's been a while,' April remembers, recalling the last time she really saw Lynn Cresswell. 

She sees them every week, at church. From a distance, of course - especially after the debacle with Sterling's family, her father hadn't really wanted to mix with the folks who'd produced a 'heathen' child. Even before that, they hadn't much interacted.

April does remember the last time she them properly - Luke's birthday party in fourth grade.

Everybody was invited for the massive pool party - one of the most exciting of the year - and April mostly stuck herself to Sterling's side all day, playing some high-fiving game.

Her mother had come over and told April to get in the pool, have some fun - after all, it was a pool party - but April knew Sterling didn't want to go in - she'd just gotten her period and didn't want to tell anybody except April - and well, April simply didn't want to go in without Sterling.

So she stormed off on her own, knowing Sterling had found herself talking to Luke while April and her mother had been having the 'discussion'. 

Lynn Cresswell found her sitting on a log at the bottom of the garden, not particularly wanting to pay attention to anyone.

'You not feel like getting in the pool April sweetie?'

'I don't want to. Sterl doesn't want to go in, so I don't want to.'

Lynn sat down next to her, leaning forward and letting her elbows rest on her knees.

'Well is that the only reason you don't want to go in?'

April looked up at Lynn, slight fear in her eyes.

She'd never been that fond of water.

'No. I can swim, I just don't really like it.'

'Okay.'

'Okay? That's it?'

'That's all I need to know, honey. You don't need to do _anything_ you don't want to do. Ever. You understand me? Sometimes, it's good to try things. In fact it is always good to try things. But you've tried that, and you don't like it, so there's no need for you to put yourself through things you don't wanna do.Okay?'

April smiled for the first time since Sterling had left her.

'Okay. Thank you Mrs Cresswell.'

Lynn put her hand on the girl's head for a minute, flashed a smile and got up, heading back to the thriving party.

April went back over to the party a few minutes later, her eyes lighting up as she found Sterling armed with two slices of birthday cake. One for her, one for April.

April shakes the thoughts out of her head, and makes small talk with Lynn as Luke puts nachos in the oven.

'Oven-cooked, huh? Being treated like a queen over here,' April quips, and Luke smiles sheepishly.

'So, Blair actually told me it was the best way to do them. Also that she has learned very quickly that you can't stand -'

'Guacamole,' April says, her eyebrows knitted together as the pair say the word in unison.

'Yeah. Wanted to make sure I catered properly for the occasion,' he explains in a feigned posh voice.

April laughs easily, and takes a seat on one of the barstools by the island as Luke pours them both sodas.

'How is life at the Wesley household, April?'

'It's definitely different,' April replies to Lynn, looking down at the counter as she processes the question. 'They're really kind people, taking me in like they have. I imagine you have a um, gist of the story.'

'I do. Despite the fact that Sterling and Luke split amicably, shall we say, Debbie and I talk a heck of a lot more now than before. I hope it's okay, she told me what happened last weekend. I'm so sorry, sweetie.'

'I appreciate it. There's not a lot to be done, really. I just have to take it one step at a time. My father is my father, there's no two ways about it. The fact that Mr and Mrs Wesley have given me somewhere to go is a real godsend. I can't actually get over it, to be honest,' April muses, and she catches Luke's eye as he smiles thinking of the family that has become so dear to him.

'I can't say I know many better ones in this town,' Lynn agrees, and Luke puts the soda in front of April. She takes a sip, her face contorting in surprise and excitement as she realises what it is.

'Diet Dr Pepper?'

'Sterl said it was your favourite. I'm telling you, I know what I'm doing,' Luke declares with a chuckle.

April feels very cared for. It's odd.

Coming from Luke of all people.

'Right, well, I'm gonna let you kids get down to this marathon. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.'

'So don't watch the prequels, mom?'

Lynn points back at her son without even looking his way as she leaves the kitchen. 'Exactly.'

April suppresses a cackle as she gets up to follow Luke into the TV room.

He puts down his drink on the table, rounds the couch again and leaps over it like a diver, landing heavily on the cushions and narrowly escaping rolling back over onto the floor.

'You're an imbecile, oh my God,' April says, not suppressing her laughter now. He's just too hilarious.

She's almost bummed she didn't know this side of him before.

'Hey! Lord's name in vain!' he counters, pointing at her in a warning, and she holds her hands up in defence after putting her drink down, and unceremoniously lands on the sofa not too far away from Luke.

'My relationship with Him is all square, Master Luke, don't you even worry,' she says smugly, picking up her dr pepper and taking a swig.

'And with that, let's watch a whole franchise about a galaxy He did _not_ create,' Luke says, grabbing the remote.

April's heart gets fuzzy again.

She definitely didn't expect that feeling so often after leaving her home behind.

She's so, so glad it's there.

~()~

They're halfway through Return of the Jedi, nachos and soda long gone, when April catches Luke staring.

April eyes him a couple of times, hoping the return glances might shoo him away, but no joy.

'What are you lookin' at?' she asks quietly, the rumble of Darth Vader's lightsaber looking for Luke in the lair of the Emperor.

'I wanna ask you something.'

'Okay weirdo,' April affirms softly, chuckling affectionately at him and shifting slightly so she's facing the boy.

'Please don't be mad, and you don't have to like, tell me anything you don't want to,' Luke begins.

April looks at him, suspicion creeping into her features.

'Just spit it out, buddy.'

'Okay, so...do you...do you like, have a crush on anyone?'

April clasps her hands and puts them between her thighs, just above the knees, curling in on herself a little.

'I mean. I do. Why do you ask though?'

Luke shifts, almost uncomfortably, in his spot.

'Is it...someone I know?'

'You know everyone.'

'You know what I mean, Yoda,' a smirk on his face as he attempts the nickname.

Which April decides to ignore for the moment.

'I do. Why does this feel like middle school all of a sudden? We're high school juniors, man,' she says, moving to pick at the mostly empty nachos tray on the table.

'I just need to hear it, that's all,' he says.

'Luke...'

'April this isn't about you owing me anything,' he starts, leaning forward as April looks at him with pain cementing in her eyes. 'Of course you don't. Neither of you do. I just need to know I'm not crazy.'

April's eyes cloud over. She certainly hadn't expected to have a full heart-to-heart with Luke during a Star Wars marathon.

She puts a hand on his forearm, and gives him a teary smile.

'You're not.'

Luke raises his eyebrows through his own misty eyes.

'So you...'

'I like Sterling, yes. I think I'd never really thought about it like that before. I've known about myself for a very long time, but we'd had such problems before that I never really thought about her like that.Then recently...it clicked.

'I'm sorry, Luke. I know how much you love her, but I can't stop my feelings. It's not like I can do much about them at the moment anyway.'

'What do you mean? She clearly* likes you back,' he says, and April lets her hand go limp on his arm as her surprise at his genuine reaction shines through the few tears that have escaped.

She doesn't know how much he knows. What Sterling might have told him.

She errs on the side of caution.

'It's not about that right now. We can't act on any feelings either of us might have, we're living under same roof. For who knows how long,' she explains, letting herself fall against the back of the sofa. 'Both of us have enough going on without throwing that into the picture. Has she...said something to you?'

Luke wipes his eye with the back of his hand hastily,any fleeting tears seeming to disspate. He smiles, even.

'She doesn't need to.'

'I really am sorry, Luke. I know how hard this must be for you,' April says, truly meaning every word.

'No, it's really okay. I'm learning how to be friends with Sterling, like properly. She's a pretty awesome one of those,' he thinks out loud, smirking to himself.

'She is. I remember.'

Luke narrows his eyes, before the realisation hits him.'Oh yeah, you used to be like, best friends, didn't you? What happened?'

April looks back at the screen, a minute smile itching to take hold. 'A misunderstanding. We're getting past it now, regardless of everything else.'

'Man, everything really _is_ so _nuts_ right now, huh?'

'Sure is, Master Luke.'

There's a beat, as they watch Luke Skywalker fight his father.

'Does that mean I can call you Yoda?'

'Jury's still out.'

'Got it.'

Luke beats down Vader on the television, and April's eyes are trained on the flatscreen.

'Yoda.'

A cushion hits Luke square in the face.

~()~

It's getting late, so while Luke is snoring away on the sofa, the clock on the side table showing 10:35pm, April swipes her phone off the coffee table and rises from the couch.

It's a bit of a trek back to the the Wesley household, but she knows she can make it in twenty minutes.

She's snapped out of her musings about her journey home when she hears a faint knock at the front door.

Before she can react, Lynn has reached the hallway and is opening it to find Sterling standing there, somehow looking more attractive than ever.

She's wearing a massive chunky knit dark cream cardigan, a plain white tee, her darkest blue skinny jeans and burgundy converse. It's clearly thrown together, simple, but looks so freaking _good_. Her hair is half up, half down, soft waves billowing through it.

She should really wear her hair like that more often, April thinks.

She whispers a jovial hello to Lynn, who points conspiratorially at the still dead-to-the-world Luke.

April only catches Sterling's eye for a second, before knowing exactly what she needs to do.

She throws Sterling a cushion, and picks up her own.

The twin mouths at April, who barely contains a snigger, a countdown.

'3, 2, 1...'

Both of them chuck their cushions at Luke's chest with full force.

'Awwwww, ow,' he moans, and Sterling is in bits trying not to fall over from laughter. April can't say she's doing much better herself.

'Sorry, ya big lug, that was just too tempting to pass up,' Sterling reasons, looming over the back of the couch and squeezing Luke's shoulder.

'Hey Sterl,' he mutters, his voice an octave lower than usual in a pitiful attempt to convey annoyance.

'Guess you didn't feel any disturbance, Master Luke, your radar is off,' April jokes, putting her phone in the back of her jeans.

Luke perks up at that, rubbing his face heavily before pointing up at April, clearly read to lay down the _facts_.

'Jedis, do not use a rada-'

He stops when he sees April's deadpan expression.

'You know that,' he utters, rubbing sleep from his eyes and rising so he can show the two them out.

'I'll be in the car, April,' Sterling tells her, and she nods once with a tired smile.

She and Luke sidle over to the now slightly ajar front door.

'Well I think I can deduce that this went pretty well, Master Luke.'

'I would say it was not half bad at all, Yoda.'

'Jury is, it seems, _still_ out on that one.'

'You're small and wise! It's the perfect nickname for you.'

'Your say that as if you don't get off scott free. Yours is literally your name, but as if a victorian butler was talking to you,' April counters with slight exasperation lacing her tone.

'...You make a point, but mine for you is still apt.'

There's a beat, as Luke grins down at her, waiting.

'Fine, whatever,' she mumbles grumpily. 'Just not in front of school friends. I've taken a social hit as it is.'

'Understood, Master Yoda.'

'Luke, I think you're a stand up guy and everything, but, and I mean this in the most affectionate way possible - fuck off,' she says, and Luke pretends to look offended as she walks onto the front porch and he grips the door behind her.

April turns, and regards him for a moment.

What a kind and gentle soul this boy truly is, she thinks.

'Thank you. For tonight. It really was fun.'

'Sequels next time?'

'You know it.'

He waits to close the door until April has reached the Volt.

Getting in, she finds Sterling scrolling through the music on her phone for the ride back to the house.

'Hey sweetie,' Sterling begins in an exaggerated Southern drawl. 'How was your play date?'

'Ha, ha,' April jeers. 'It was really pretty awesome. He's such a nerd, but he's really sweet. I never gave him enough credit.'

'You definitely didn't,' Sterling snickers, and April reaches to smack her lightly on the arm as she puts the phone in the central pocket.

'Also, thanks for telling him.'

The flash in Sterling's eyes indicates she might have not been thinking what April is thinking.

The Stevens girl chooses to brush it off. A conversation for another time, she muses.

'About the soda,' she clarifies, tilting her head slightly as she smiles sheepishly in Sterling's direction.

Sterling's heart skips a beat.

The twin, covering her tracks, plasters a shit-eating grin on her face.

'Diet Dr Pepper, always and forever.'

April snorts softly at Sterling's silliness, letting herself settle further into the car seat. She's almost as tired as Luke clearly was, now.

'I um, I hope you don't mind, by the way.'

'Mind what?'

It's at that moment April registers the song that's milling softly through the car speakers.

'I haven't really been able to listen to it in a while. I missed it.'

April closes her eyes, remembering the notes.

What they _made_ her remember.

'Me too.'

_I'm alright with a slow, burn, taking my time, let the world, turn_

April doesn't see Sterling glancing at her from the driver's seat every chance she gets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi April and Luke bffs pls and thank you x


	9. You Can Have Your Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wesleys and April go to to church. 
> 
> It doesn't entirely go to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, think updates might be a little less frequent at the moment - it's been a bit of a hectic month. Hope y'all can understand, and I adore you and your ridiculously kind comments, I really do. Enjoy this chapter - it is a little bit filler but you know, there's tension in there too...
> 
> Stay safe, stay hydrated, vote Biden/Harris and get some sleep. <3

_Sunday_

Church starts in half an hour.

April's mind is absolute _overdrive_.

She's just leaning against the kitchen island in the Wesley home, staring into space. Letting her thoughts run away from her.

'Hey,' she hears behind her, snapping out of it and turning to find Sterling standing there in the prettiest dress she thinks she's ever seen.

It's pretty plain, again, just a knee length, strappy white dress with a navy cardigan over it, some conservative pumps to finish the ensemble. She really never gave her enough credit for this way she can render April speechless with such...almost boring* fashion choices.

God, she's a _goner_.

'You can skip another week if you want to, my parents would definitely understand.'

April sucks in a breath, walking towards the girl she's slightly head over heels for and smiling dejectedly. 'There's no point postponing it again. The longer I stay away, the longer _he_ can spread lies and horrible things about me. If I'm there, at least he won't have the spine to do it in front of me.'

'Motherfucker,' Sterling lets out, not even aware of her own language as she mutters it through a heavy breath.

'Sterling!' April says, almost laughing at the audacity. She appreciates the support, though.

'Sorry, I just can't help it. I will never _not_ want to sock him in the face after what he's done to you,' she declares, her eyes stern and jaw set.

April reaches out a tentative hand, squeezing the familiar spot on the twin's upper arm.

It sends shockwaves through both of them.

Separately, unaware, they both muse how they'll never understand how one simple touch can even do* that.

'I know.'

Sterling unconsciously steps closer, and her smell floods April's senses. A hit of Libré, but also just her. Comforting. Homely.

Like pine trees and cinnamon, she notes.

'Listen, I know we've not really talked about what...happened.' Sterling murmurs. 'At the lock-in.'

April feels her heart travel straight up into the back of her throat, the sudden discomfort almost making her eyes water.

'I didn't think it would be a great time to bring it up Sterl, we have enough going on,' April whispers rapidly, blinking hard to control her emotions.

'I know we do. April -'

'Please,' April interrupts. 'Not today. Not right now,' she says, as if she's forcing the words out of her mouth.

She is, really.

Of course she wants to talk. To repair.

To _love_.

But she knows she'll fall apart and she's about to see her father for the first time since that awful day in Ellen's office.

She has to stay strong.

She has to.

April squeezes Sterling's arm where she's holding, not looking at her as she sidesteps her and walks past her to join Anderson at the front door.

She doesn't turn around to see Sterling softly grip where her own hand had been, screwing up her face to try and stop the tears flow.

Blair thinks it's probably best not to push why the Volt is the epitome of silence as they follow behind her father's truck.

~()~

'I'm pretty sure he's like, scared of us. Stick close, you'll be okay, Fellowship,' Blair says with an air of absolute authority.

April can't do much but nod as she stands next to Blair, the twin protectively standing just in front of where she is.

Sterling rounds the car, clearly having attempted to shake off the interaction at home, a stern eye trained right on John Stevens.

Blair's clearly right.

He can't even look either of them in the eye.

They walk to join their parents, where Debbie is walking toward the entrance and the pastor with a renewed determination in her step.

Anderson can barely keep up.

'Pastor Booth, oh my goodness what a week the Lord has blessed us with huh? The sun is out for us today!'

'Wesleys! And a Stevens. Good to see you, April, we missed you last week.'

'My apologies Pastor Booth, I wasn't feeling well,' April says with a signature smile.

'Not at all, the Lord throws us curveballs every day. We must take them as we can,' he says, glancing minutely at John Stevens, who is just within the entrance of the church.

'April will be sitting with us for the foreseeable, Pastor Booth, if that's all swell,' Anderson says, flashing the Pastor a million watt smile.

'Of course, yes, that's no problem. If I could have a quick word with April alone?'

April looks slightly taken aback by the request, and Sterling and Blair almost instantly move to flank her, instinctively protective.

She takes a breath, looking at both twins before smiling back at the Pastor.

'Of course.'

Blair is reluctant to take even a step away.

'It's okay,' April reassures her, and the family slowly step away and leave her with the Pastor.

Pastor Booth puts a hand on her shoulder, walking her a little away from the entrance of the church. John Stevens is looking ever more impatient, milling around the arch while making small talk with one of the junior ministers, never letting his eyes drift too far away from April.

It's putting fear in her very soul.

And it's just so fucking sad*.

'Now, April, as you can imagine I've been hearing the rumours. I've had an...account from your father.'

'Yes, I'm sure you have,' April mutters, trying her best to avoid her father's prying eyes.

'Now he has...suggested a route forward to me.'

April's alarms blare in her head.

'Which I have fervently told him I do not support. He asked me for my guidance on the matter, and I gave my opinion. That opinion is that while I do not profess to understand this way of existence that God has selected for you,' Pastor Booth explains, and April's alarms turn down a little, the warning light waning as his words end up kinder than she expected. 'I do not see why you would be unable to simultaneously live a full, devout Christian life.

I also do not see it as a wise idea for either of you to...let's say...make a fuss regarding the matter. Mostly him, to be quite honest. But I would appreciate discretion in general; this community, while it is an actively reverent one, has a tendency to gossip. You're still a child, April, and I don't think you need to be in the firing line there, you understand?'

April nods thoughtfully.

Sure, one day she would love to be out and proud in a loving church community. There's enough going on at the moment that it doesn't really come close to being a priority.

And from a slick, southern belle-type church like this one in suburban Atlanta, it's not like she was expecting much. This isn't far from a win, considering.

'Alright, well, if you ever feel as if you need to talk, I know you do seem have a good support system in the Wesley family but if you ever need a friendly ear not in the household - it's exactly what I'm here for.'

'I appreciate that, Pastor Booth.'

'Okay then, well you get on up in there young lady, it is good to see you back,' he says, a signature thousand-watt smile gracing his face, going back to the front of the church to greet the last few people filing in.

April steels herself, not letting her eyes drift in _his_ direction as she begins to walk back into the church, past the very arch he's been standing at for a while.

She thinks she's made it, when she feels a hand on her elbow before passing the backward-most pew.

'Whoa, whoa whoa. Slow down there, Padawan.'

April wordlessly snatches her arm away from him, eyeing him cautiously so as not to make a scene.

He deserves a scene, but Pastor Booth is right. April knows this community won't exactly keep their traps shut.

'I just wanna talk.'

'Yes, I think I'm aware of what you'd like to talk about, Daddy.'

'Have you thought about it?'

'Would you prefer the answer you want to hear or the answer I have?'

'I see. Not even trying for your old man, huh?' he says, taking a step closer. She instinctively leans backward, trying her best not to draw attention, but his looming demeanour doesn't help matters. 'You could be so much better than this, Padawan. And staying with the Wesleys of all people? They're heathen to the core. You'll never get better that way. Please consider coming with me. We can make all of this go away.'

'There isn't anything that needs changing. I don't need to get better. The only thing that's wrong is you.'

His eyes flare up at that, and April worries she's said too much. That it's all going to fall apart in the back of the damn church right before Sunday service.

'There will come a time, April, that I will grow tired of waiting around. I will get impatient.' he says, his voice quiet and gravelly and like it's scraping nails down the sides of her head.

It's terrifying.

He dares to speak again.

'Don't let it get to that. Just because your mother isn't willing to try doesn't mean I'm not. I am. And I will.'

'Hmm, we'll see about that, I guess. You know, it is just _so_ silly of me, how much of a goofball am I? I got all the way down to my pew and forgot to grab a Bible!'

The both of them realise neither is talking, until they look to see Sterling at the rack not a metre away, grabbing two of the holy books before sauntering over to April's side.

'Such a glorious thing, this book, huh? Can be interpreted...used, in so many ways. For so many things. You know, I read that in some instances, it's even been used as a weapon before!'

Sterling laughs to herself, staring John Stevens dead in the eye. He doesn't move a muscle, his jaw set and anger seeping through every orifice.

'The world is just so nuts, right? I think I'll just stick to my guns... and stay in school. You know?'

He gulps. April is slightly floored by the confidence rolling off Sterling in waves.

'The brain after all is the most powerful weapon,' she continues.

Having been thrown off by the allusion to the _incident_ , John looks around, noticing more and more people glancing in their direction.

He throws a cordial smile their way before briskly walking down to the family pew.

Sterling watches him the whole way, handing one of the Bibles to April who just watches her in awe.

Suddenly, Sterling snaps out of the confident demeanour, looking down at April with worried eyes.

'Are you okay? I'm sorry if I overstepped. You looked like you could...use some help.'

April nods curtly, once, offering a weak smile before ambling down to the Wesley pew.

Sterling, the worry set deep in her stomach, follows not much further behind.

~()~

She feels them.

From every single angle.

Prying eyes staring at her as Pastor Booth gives today's sermon, on the 'true meaning of loving all God's children'. 

Apt, but it doesn't stop the faint whispers and the people staring at the Wesley pew.

She has, of course, also noticed the blindingly concerned look that Sterling can't seem to wipe away from her features, Blair's not much better.

April does understand they both care. Sterling does, ever so deeply.

It's all just so overwhelming.

She feels her heartbeat pick up, despite not having moved a muscle, her body almost rigid in her seat.

She hears the whispers; she doesn't know what they're saying, but it's seeping into her ear and she cannot focus on much else.

Everything is overloading. Her senses just cannot _cope_ any longer.

Faintly, in the background, she realises people are moving in their pews, the service seemingly over for the day.

'I need some air,' she says to no-one in particular, and Sterling would move to follow her if it weren't for Blair grabbing her forearm, keeping her in the pew.

'Give her some space, Sterl.'

April doesn't notice how devastated Sterling looks.

Briefly, on her rapid retreat out of the church, she knocks shoulders with a girl not two inches shorter than her, and as she turns round to apologise, she sees it's no stranger.

August.

Looking tired, crestfallen. Missing her sister.

April knows she is going to fall apart if she doesn't extract herself from the situation _now_.

So she has to get away.

She rips her eyes from her sister's gaze and strides out of the church, not stopping to talk to a soul. She doesn't notice her own mother, who watches her crossing the road to get away with a despondent stare.

Briskly walking up the road on the other side, operating on complete tunnel vision, she turns the corner and begins to jog.

Then run.

Then sprint.

She runs like hell until she finds herself going down a road lined with trees, realising she's gone so far she's ended up in Briarwood Park.

Slowing to a lacklustre stroll, she breathes heavily, gulping in the cool air around her. She almost wishes her brain weren't so wired; then maybe she'd actually be able to enjoy the colours of the leaves.

A strong red cedar stands alone in a small field, sticking out like a sore thumb amongst all the thinner trees around it.

Dumping her stuff at the trunk, she lets herself almost fall to the ground, sitting heavily on a soft patch of grass near the foot of the tree.

_Concentrate on your breathing, April._

_In...._

_....out._

She counts her heartbeat, next. Able to to feel it pumping in her chest, she focuses on the beats.

She reaches the number 72 before she feels able to open her eyes again, the brightness seeping in as the field gradually comes into view.

Much to her surprise, so do two figures, walking towards her at a rapid pace.

'April? Are you okay?'

'What happened?'

She doesn't think she's ever been more relieved to see the pair.

'Was it that church? Gosh, I despise that place. People there are such gossip freaks, it's the worst.'

'Hey, like half my family goes to that church.'

'I rest my case.'

'Guys,' April mumbles weakly, attracting the attention of them both.

'Sorry.'

'We have a little time before our parents start to think we've gone AWOL. Tell us as much as you want.'

She's never been more thankful for Ezequiel and Hannah B.

Or maybe, there was one other time...

**_END OF PART ONE_ **


	10. INTERLUDE: All My Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at the Holy Trinity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, hope you're well. Feeling better today, and bringing you the interlude between parts of this fic. I will be aiming to update it weekly, maybe even every five days. 
> 
> This one's title is from the LCD Soundsystem song, All My Friends - I feel like it represents the Holy Trinity somewhat, especially in this fic - the fact that at the moment, they're not together, but they want to be, and how it's always an idea to focus on the good times. Go give it a listen if you can. 
> 
> Anyway, back to the piece. Hope you enjoy. Thank you again for all your comments, they make my heart warm. I love y'all.

**_5th Grade - Recess_ **

_That's how it starts_

April manages to keep it at bay as Jessica tried half-heartedly to include her in the conversation. She keeps letting her eyes flick over to Sterling, playing lacrosse with Blair and the others and completely oblivious to the impending meltdown in April's head.

She'd just _dumped_ her.

_Dumped_ her on that swing set and in Jessica's group.

Who didn't even want her there.

Her world is crumbling and nobody even has a clue.

The chatter begins to penetrate her skull.

It's starting.

It's only happened twice before.

Once when she got a bad report card in third grade and her father shouted at her.

The other time, they were on vacation. She doesn't remember a whole lot.

This time she knows what's coming and she doesn't know how long she can hold it at bay for.

Abruptly, she stands, traipsing away at a brisk pace to the other side of the lacrosse field, keeping her eyes trained on the grass.

The sun is so bright that it doesn't matter.

It's just too _bright._

She notices then she's holding her sleeves, the cotton scratch pulsing through her fingers.

Ripping her arms away from them, she puts them at her side as she goes into the small wood at the back of the field, finding a corner to drop her bag like a sack of bricks and sit, balling her fists and tucking into herself on the ground.

She rocks, unknowingly. The tears are flowing, running down her cheeks and dropping down in her shirt. The sensation makes her shudder, makes it worse for a moment.

With her eyes shielded from the bright Georgian sun, and the incessant chatter of Jessica and her friends a distant memory, she eventually begins to breathe a little easier, each gulp taking in more air and eventually calming the jitters.

She can feel the tracks of moisture down her cheeks, damp now after she managed to quell her meltdown. Tentatively opening her eyes, she gently wipes her face, staring at the lustreless, brown colour of the dirt under the tree. The dullness calms her, if for a moment.

Breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, she closes her eyes again, just to be safe, and feels her heart rate slow a little more. The air smells almost fresh here, among the foliage.

How she wishes she could stay here forever. Not have to face anything.

_Anyone._

She doesn't think she'll ever be able to face _her_ again.

Suddenly, she's snapped out of her reverie when she hears rustling not ten feet away.

Her heart rate quickens again, and she silently curses whoever has made her anxiety leap out of her chest once more.

A shade of light blue pops out from behind a tree, and April looks up to see dark hair and a kind smile.

Hannah...something, she believes she remembers. Didn't transfer here all that long ago, her parents from the hellfire state that is California. April had been too busy with...well.

She omits the name from her brain.

'Hi! It's April right? Are you okay? You don't look very okay,' she says, a tuneful high pitch to her voice, and it both grates on your brain and soothes your worries at the same time.

A curious being, this one.

'Hannah B. Oh my God. Leave the poor girl alone, she clearly needs some space,' says another voice. Male, not in any way deep for a ten year old, but authoritative. Almost...stoic, she wants to say?

April can't seem to find any words for a moment or so, just watching the boy grab the girl's arm and barely listening to their hushed tones of bickering like a married couple.

She fleetingly thinks it's cute.

'Um,' she begins, and the two whip their heads round to listen, clearly having been waiting for her to pipe up. A lump takes its place nice and comfortably in her throat.

'Don't worry about it. It's okay. Just, uh,' she continues, suddenly becoming acutely aware of the tear tracks she'd missed, wiping them away quickly and hoping the two wouldn't notice. 'Having a bad day. Is all. Nothing serious.'

'Look, girl, I don't wanna be rude or anything, but it has to be kinda serious if you had to come...' he trails off, clearly not having the right words to politely say what's painfully obvious.

April has almost given up caring. She supplies him the words.

'Cry in the middle of the woods to calm down?'

The boy is slightly open-mouthed, for a good few seconds, a hand on his hip and the other one having stopped mid hand-gesture.'Yes. Sorry.'

'It's okay. Seriously,' April says, looking at the girl who has plastered a very worried look on her face. She feels a weird, almost primal instinct to try and calm her down. 'I just...my best friend...she um...'

'Wait, you're Sterling's friend, right?'

The boy looks at Hannah B, who has put two and two together and thought it was a good idea to mention such things. The boy, clearly disagreeing with her questionable methods, moves his head to look her in the eye with fire in his own. It's damning.

'Yeah. I was, I guess,' April replies, and she can feel the meekness in her voice.

The weakness there makes her feel _sick_.

'Sorry about her,' the boy says, 'she's still learning to pick up social cues,' he finishes, a stern tone to his voice as he pointedly turns his head towards the girl.

April feels like she should says something to diffuse the tension, but she just doesn't have the energy anymore.

It's as if she used her whole social battery on Sterling. 

Now she's gone, it's just...not recharging.

April doesn't let herself wonder why that might be.

'Doesn't matter anyway. She decided that I wasn't worth her time. She clearly wasn't worth mine,' April declares, steeling herself and standing up, dusting herself off and looking pointedly at the two.

The boy looks taken aback, in a good way; a surprised, sly smile creeps onto his face.

April holds his gaze, fighting to raise an eyebrow as the two regard each other reservedly, clearly sussing the other out.

The boy is the first to hold out is hand.

'I'm Ezequiel.'

'April,' she says, giving him the firm handshake her Daddy said she never needed to have.

She surmised a while ago that Daddy didn't know _everything._

Once she lets Ezequiel's hand go, she turns to Hannah B, who shoots her a thousand watt smile and sparkling eyes.

She's pretty, April thinks.

She offers her hand to the girl, who decides to awkwardly high-five the outstretched limb.

April makes a decision to embrace the quirkiness as best she can.

These two aren't half bad.

~()~

_**Seventh Grade** _

Another Adele Meisner has upped and left her.

Elsa Franklin, from the hockey team.

Her parents had decided, for some reason, that bitterly cold, snowy Midwestern winters in Illinois surpassed that of the temperate ones in Georgia.

April scoffs at the preposterous ideology in her head.

Ezequiel had been the first to notice April seemed out of sorts the day after Elsa left. He hadn't added two and two together, as far as April knew, but whenever one of them was down they would go to the Yogurtopia on Clairmont, taking the corner booth and wiling away their afternoon until April, in most instances, abruptly left after getting a text from her father.

She processes her thoughts absently as Hannah B and Ezequiel bicker about the best yogurt topping opposite her.

'It's clearly strawberries. They add a tart sweet flavour to anything!'

'Yogurt is tart by itself! You put chocolate in there that smoothes it out, everyone knows that.'

'But what about...strawberry chocolate?'

'Well that doesn't technically exist Hannah B, but novel idea,' Ezequiel shakes his head, exasperated.

'Raspberry brownie.'

The two notice April, absently staring out of the window at the cars rushing past.

'Excuse me?'

'Raspberry brownie,' she says again, shifting in the booth and looking at Ezequiel with tired eyes. 'The chocolate of the brownie smoothes out the tartness of the yogurt, raspberry adds a fruity sweetness that doesn't get too tart and make the yogurt overpowering.'

The two take a beat, thinking through the logic.

'She makes a point. But what about a crunch?'

'Pretzels.'

'Hannah B you and I are gonna fall out, I swear,' Ezequiel says, continuing to be exasperated but still keeping an eye on April.

Hannah B excuses herself to go to the bathroom not moments later, and Ezequiel clasps his hands on the table as if he's a counsellor at the school at not just an audacious 13-year-old.

'Illinois is a garbage state, honey,' he declares, and April looks away for fear of breaking her stoic demeanour. 'It won't know what hit it. That Elsa is a fireball.'

April simply nods, looking decidedly meeker that Ezequiel is used to seeing her as she plays with her fingers in her lap.

Ever since he met her, this girl has been defiance. Determination. Wit. A staunch protector, but terrifying when angry.

Best to be avoided when in a biting mood.

Seeing her like this is unfamiliar, only ever reminding him of the first moments he laid eyes on her.

He's always sworn he never wanted to see her look that way again.

She isn't far off, and god forbid he let the departure of a friend that wasn't in her control get her down.

'I know they say it's always good to branch out, have contacts, other friends ecetera,' he starts, pointedly looking April in the eye. 'But whoever comes and goes, you always have us. You can't get rid of us, sorry girl.'

April fights a smile trying to force its way out. Ezequiel can see right through her, and that's okay.

The party's broken by Hannah B returning from the bathroom.

'Another small cup?' she offers, smiling at April with that thousand watt smile she remembers like it was yesterday.

April grimaces in thought for a minute, wondering whether she should start exercising. All this froyo will probably go somewhere if she isn't careful.

'Screw it, why not,' she says, handing the dark-haired ray-of-sunshine her empty cup. She looks into her eyes as she does it, hoping that the heartfelt thank you she's conveying with them gets the message across.

She never truly knows, but she thinks it does.

Ezequiel looks up at Hannah expectantly.

'Not you, you've had too much sugar,' she parrots authoritatively, tapping him on the nose with her finger. His offended look as she wipes it off makes April giggle a little, and it's a sound she doesn't hear herself make often.

It makes her heart feel a touch better.

She looks between her friends for a second, filing the moment away in her head.

_There's always this._

Always.

~()~

_**Wednesday, five days after Lock-In** _

She had sort of, just...floated out of school.

It had been a hard fortnight. April had been able to block out any mention of Sterling Wesley, any whispers. The lady herself hasn't made an appearance at school since that night; April could understand why, although she thinks there may be more to it (which she hasn't thought about extensively. Not at all.). She'd even managed to ignore most of Blair's side-eye glares, which seemed to have gotten even more aggressive than before the lock-in.

Sterling will have told her what happened.

April is unsurprised. Hopeless.

And so very tired.

And so, she wonders as she sits on the bench, whether it was really a good idea to abandon hockey practice early, leave the truck at school, find herself on a MARTA train from Brookhaven all the way to Midtown, and walk almost twenty minutes until she hits Lake Clara Meer.

She doesn't particularly care. It isn't dark outside, not yet. The sun isn't setting for another hour or so.

It's only now that April realises she hasn't been playing any music through her earphones. They suddenly feel intrusive in her ear, but they're blocking out the background noise that would possibly make her feel even worse right now, so she opts to leave them in, reconnecting the bluetooth and opening her Spotify.

She dutifully ignores the Lock-In playlist, which she hasn't been able to bring herself to delete.

Noticing a song in her likes that she hasn't played in a while, she absently taps play and leans back, listening to the almost monotonous first thirty seconds. The drum build up gives her something to focus on.

The melody starts, the voice singing away with an _almost_ reckless abandon. It's still uniform, but it subverts from the norm just enough.

She watches the skyscrapers across the lake turn their lights on, one by one, as the sun begins to creep below the horizon in the distance.

_And if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up_

_And I still don't wanna stagger home_

April closes her eyes and breathes in, the lake a little stale but the trees blowing the first fresh, autumn leaves coming off their branches sweetening the air just a touch.

_Then it's the memory of our betters_

_That are keeping us on our feet_

In her peripheral, she hears faint bickering.

_Wait._

Turning to the side, she sees Hannah B and Ezequiel, the latter with her head buried in her phone, the former looking around frantically as they argue over where they should be looking.

For April.

Taking out an earphone and turning down the volume, letting the song continue, she leans forward, raising her eyebrows and giving a cocky little wave in their direction.

Ezequiel, spotting her, looks almost furious.

Hannah B just looks heart-wrenchingly relieved.

'Girl, oh my god, you cannot do that to us!' Ezequiel exclaims, sitting down quickly next to April, Hannah B quick to take the other side.

'Yeah, April, we thought you were like, dead or something,' says Hannah, stroking April's back as Ezequiel looks to the brunette, asking in a look why the hell she'd say something like _that_ right now.

'We were worried, let's just say that.'

'I needed some space. It's,' April takes a deep breath, looking back out at the lake. All the skyscrapers are lit up like Christmas now, she notices. The sun is all but gone. 'It's been a shitter of a week.'

Ezequiel even seems a little taken aback by the language.

'You don't need to tell us, you know,' Hannah B says, shrugging as she thinks through things. 'We can just be here.'

April looks at Hannah, her guard up but unstable.

She can't keep it up forever.

'I really fucked up, you guys.'

Ezequiel scoffs and touches one finger to her leg, pushing a little before pulling it back again. 'I doubt that very much. It's probably not as bad as you think it is.'

April has desperately wanted to tell them both before.

About her.

About the person she truly is.

Let her walls crumble and actually take the comfort they're offering, fully.

She feels like she doesn't deserve them.

Right now, she wishes she could tell them more than ever.

But she's so scared.

So, bitterly scared.

April looks down at her lap, the telltale sign of something wrong coming off her in waves as she plays with her fingers there. She tries desperately not to cry.

'Hannah said it. You don't have to tell us. But I will request that we go somewhere with light and maybe food? It's getting pretty dark and y'all know I'm not gonna be able to defend you two in a fight.'

'As if I couldn't defend myself,' April retorts quietly, and it illicits a sly smile from Ezequiel.

'There she is,' he sing-songs to them, and April chuckles mirthlessly as they all rise to leave the park. 

April takes one last look at the lake beside them, the skyline stunning in the water's reflection.

Flanked by her two best friends, they all walk back to face today's music.

April knows she'll have to face the real music soon, but for now, she'll take it one step at a time with Hannah B and Ezequiel on each flank.

_Oh you always knew you were tired but where are you friends tonight?_


	11. And I Think We've Seen Enough, Seen Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the church service. 
> 
> It all gets a little rocky. 
> 
> TW for homophobia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL! We are in part 2! I'm planning maybe about 25 chapters in total, so there'll be another interlude and things and hopefully I'll get a good headstart this week on a few more chapters (this is the first time I haven't had a complete chapter written for the next one before posting and it's giving me hives lol I'm sorry it's been a busy week) 
> 
> This is a really heavy chapter so please don't read it if you think it may trigger you in any way - I want you guys to be taking care of yourselves, especially right now. Always, but yeah. <3

_**PART TWO** _

April hasn't surfaced from Sterling's room since arriving back at the house, over an hour after the twins did.

Sterling even asked Blair to check on the Stevens girl, worried she would be smothering her if she kept asking if she was alright after this morning.

Inside, she's sick with pain. Not knowing how to help April. Not being able to give her the reassurance she needs that it's all going to be okay.

Not being able to let her feelings show, because other things are too important right now.

Sterling, picking at her cuticles nervously as she leans over the counter, snaps out of any thoughts she may have been having when Blair comes down from her room.

Alone.

'Sorry dude,' Blair offers weakly, not really knowing herself how to help the situation.

'What did she say?'

'Not a whole lot of anything. Just 'I'm fine, please go away'. It's the most polite she's ever been to me.'

'Well then something is like, super wrong because we all know she's never polite to y-'

'Hey, hey,' Blair interrupts Sterling's spiral, putting a hand on her forearm and gently turning Sterling to look at her. 'She clearly needs some space after seeing her Dad this morning. You just have to give her some time.'

Sterling sighs, going back to furiously picking at her nails, and Blair grimaces as she watches the self-destructive act.

Stopping abruptly, Sterling fails at stopping herself from breaking.

'I just don't know what to do, Blair,' she whispers through the tears, letting her sister pull her head into her chest and hold it there, hoping the slow heartbeat would provide some semblance of comfort.

'You have a woodshop project, right? It's like, the only thing you're not on a group project on right now.'

Blair feels Sterling nod into her chest.

'Go and just work on that for a bit, get your head together. You're gonna be okay.'

'Thanks,' Sterling offers weakly, plodding in the direction of the patio doors and heading down the garden. 

Blair does notice her looking up at her room, clearly still very worried about April.

She blows out a breath, waving at her Dad as he comes down the stairs from the parents' bedroom.

'Hey sport,' he greets her, offering a smile she just doesn't have the energy to match. 'What's going on?'

'Um, I don't know if you noticed but April saw her Dad at church today.'

'I did see that. I was wondering why she disappeared so immediately after sermon,' he wonders, tapping his fingers absently on the counter.

'Yeah, she phoned me to ask to get picked up from Briarwood Park. She clearly needed the space.'

Anderson nods thoughtfully, looking around the house. 'Where's Sterl?'

'I sent her down to the woodshop. You know, get a project going to focus her mind on something else, she's so worried.'

'Yeah, I've noticed that. It's good to see y'all are really becoming good friends again. You need each other at this age.'

Blair doesn't really know what to say; the situation so much more complicated than he knows. She simply offers a nod and a sad smile.

God, at least he's _trying_.

'Right well I'm gonna go just get some admin done. This new job doesn't do itself,' he declares, grabbing an apple before heading to the office with a slight spring in his step.

It was nice, to see him enjoying life for once. Instead of being aimless, or worried, feeling emasculated by her pig of a grandfather.

At least _someone_ in the house was having a good fucking day.

Blair plays on her phone for a while, wasting away the time playing on her phone.

Fleetingly, her thoughts wander to Miles.

She wonders how he is, _where_ he is.

His mother is all set to be re-elected next month, leading the polls by almost 20 points.

And yet Miles still thought she wasn't going to 'fit' in.

As if she believed the dumbass things some of those in her family believed.

As if that should _matter_.

It made her so angry that it came down to that.

Sure, she dropped the ball when they were dating - it was a pretty tumultuous time in her life.But _fuck_ , she could have used some outside support in the weeks that followed.

Right now, she's still in the 'fuck him' stage.

That's where she's staying for now.

Blair is snapped out of her wandering thoughts by the doorbell ringing, and she springs up to answer the door and escape from her thoughts.

'I'll get it!' she announces to no-one.

Fun party of a Sunday.

She looks through the peephole, seeing two men in sharp suits standing cordially on the step.

Tentatively, she opens the door halfway.

'Good afternoon, how are you today?'

'Awesome. Thanks. We already to go a church, we don't need a leaflet or anything,' she tells them with a tight smile.

The two look to each other for a beat, before the other grins warmly.

'We're not here with the local parish, we're actually here to talk to April Stevens? We have reason to believe she's at this residence.'

Blair's smile disappears.

'Who's asking?'

'We're from the Evangelical Church of Athens. Her father sent us to come and get her. She's been enrolled into our divinity finishing school,' he tells her with a jovial tone in his face.

Fat fucking chance April Stevens is going _anywhere_.

'Yeah, she's not been informed of that and knows nothing about that. She's not going anywhere. Thanks for stopping by,' Blair says, grabbing the door and moving to close it shut emphatically.

A hand stops her from going any further.

Her heart begins to race.

'Sorry, young lady, I don't think I made myself clear. That's not a request, Miss Stevens is coming with us. If you'd kindly let us know where she is.'

Blair's face is like thunder as she grips the door with both hands this time.

'No.'

She tries to slam the door, but it's no use. The man is too quick, pushing the door completely open so they can let themselves in the house.

'Hey, what the hell, get out of my house man!' Blair says, grabbing one their suit shoulders from the back.

He rips his body away, traipsing into the house before instructing his adversary to check the shed.

She would try to take them down herself, but for once, she reasons with herself. She knows deep down it's probably not the wisest move to take on two fully grown men on her own.

'Dad, oh my God, Dad!'

Anderson finally surfaces from the office, his eyes widening at the sight of two men sniffing around his home.

'Gentlemen, would you care to let me know what the fuck you think you're doing in my house?'

They both stop for a moment, slightly dumbstruck at the heavy language.

'Completing our holy mission, Mr Wesley, if you must know,' one of them parrots, looking round the corner of the staircase into the kitchen.

'Well you can complete it somewhere else until you tell me why you've barged into my home, bypassing my daughter, without any permission or announcement,' Anderson warns them, the stern look on his face much more threatening that Blair was expecting.

She joins him.

'We are not leaving without Miss Stevens.'

'The hell you aren't,' Blair rages, baring her teeth as her anger gets almost unmanageable.

The man in front of Anderson holds his gaze, staunch and terrifying.

'Check the shed,' he says to his buddy with resounding force, his eyes never leaving Anderson's.

Much to Blair's astonishment, Anderson walks away, back into the office and she doesn't quite know what to do with herself.

All happening in one moment, she watches helplessly as the men both go down to the basement, just as she sees April traipse down the stairs.

She runs towards the stairs, putting a finger to her mouth and grabbing April's wrist.

'What?' the Stevens girl whispers, and Blair frantically points downwards.

The first thing April sees as she looks in the direction that Blair is pointing is Anderson walking with a renewed purpose out of his office.

Holding a shotgun.

She didn't even know Anderson Wesley _kept_ a shotgun in his office.

'What is going on, Blair,' April murmurs, looking back at the twin with wide, panicked eyes. It doesn't fill her with confidence that Blair's are in exactly the same state.

'There are men here. From that church in Athens.'

The colour drains from Aprils face.

'They're looking for you,' Blair continues weakly.

'Fuck,' April whispers, and she absently tightens her grip feels the girl's hand take hers.

Blair's whole demeanour changes the moment she sees the fear sweep April's features.

She is not letting this girl go anywhere.

For April.

For Sterling.

Hell, maybe even for herself.

'You're staying right here, April. I promise, okay?'

'Don't make promises you can't keep,' April pleads meekly, as they tiptoe down the stairs hand in hand.

'I don't, Fellowship,' Blair immediately fires back, trying her absolute hardest to convey her sincerity.

And _fire_.

They make it down the stairs as they briefly see Anderson going out into the garden to follow the men to the shed.

'Basement, go, go go go,' Blair whispers, pushing April in that direction as she sees them enter the woodshop where Sterling is working.

She would feel for them if she weren't so disgusted by them.

Blair and April scurry down the basement stairs, the room plain and almost cosy warm.

It remains largely empty save for a few bits of broken furniture. They're quite nice, and all they need is a little love, April muses for a second, trying to forget the dire situation she's in.

She seems to be doing that a lot these days.

Coping 101.

As April takes the room in, she notices Blair has pulled out a baseball bat from a pile of old belongings by one of the empty cabinets. April can't really seem to move, standing stock still and steadfast - yet terrified.

_Worst case scenario._

'Okay, hopefully Dad and Sterling have managed to get them out. Let me go check,' Blair says, walking back towards the stairs with a renewed determination.

'Blair,' April blurts out, unable to stop herself from sounding scared shitless. 'Be careful.'

A small smile and a surprised raised eyebrow sweeps across her face for all but a second, and she's about to take the stairs two at a time when the men come bursting through the door at the top.

'Fuck!'

She barrels back down the few stairs she had climbed and puts herself between the advancing pair and the Stevens girl.

'Do _not_ come any closer.'

'Step, aside, Miss Wesley,' one of the men says carefully, enunciating his words as if he's talking to a four-year-old.

It's infuriating.

'I swear to the almighty I will bash your brains in and He will forgive me for it, don't fucking test me,' Blair rages, her voice surprisingly quiet but every ounce of anger she can muster alarmingly present in its tone.

Finally, Anderson and Sterling descend the staircase, Anderson finally having loaded the shotgun and Sterling having picked up her own pistol.

There are definitely too many guns in this house, April thinks.

'Gentlemen, I am done being polite. If you do not leave this house I will use my second amendment rights to protect my family.'

'Miss Stevens, as I recall, is not your family, Mr Wesley, she is coming with us,' the same man speaks, the other standing threateningly still, not far enough away from Blair and April for Sterling's liking.

'She is going nowhere,' Sterling growls, grit present in her voice and thunder crossing her features.

'She is coming to Athens to the divinity school her father has enrolled her in. The girl is his charge, not yours, and you do not get a say young lady,' he parrots back, seemingly unable to find anything more constructive or convincing to say.'

'Actually, _sir_ , I think you'll find I am not.'

The entire room's eyes gravitate towards April, who has stepped out of the cover of Blair and her baseball bat, exhibiting some fear but, for the most part, quiet confidence.

Sterling is more than a little proud of what comes next.

'According to Georgia state law, it is illegal for a parent to kick out their child until they are the age of 18. I am 16. Not only has John Stevens broken the law, but he's abandoned his child. He made his choice the moment he told me to leave. Not only that, but he repeatedly psychologically abused me and the rest of my family. There is plenty reasonable evidence to suggest just being in his care or under his jurisdiction would result in more harm coming to me. I am not safe anywhere near him, or any decision he makes. Now unless you want the police involved, which I doubt you do considering the rather unsavoury things I've read about your little establishment, and yes, there are many, I suggest you leave this house and tell John Stevens you have been unsuccessful in...procuring what you came for.'

The men are seething.

'She is under my protection, and you will be served with a restraining order if I see you again,' Anderson says, lowly, and it's the most threatening he's ever sounded.

They begin to retreat, the Wesleys' various weapons pointed at them the entire time.

'And gentlemen?'

Both heads turn as they are halfway up the stairs, almost as if they're a little scared of what April might say next.

'Please tell my father that if he ever attempts something like this again, I will tell the police everything. All of it.'

Shock apparent on their faces, the make their way out of the house, leaving the four in the basement reeling from the hour's events.

The foursome don't move a muscle until they hear a resounding slam of the door.

'Are you okay?' Sterling asks weakly, hardly expecting a positive answer but also just... _needing_ to know.

'I don't know how long that excuse will work for, but it'll have to do for now. And, no,' April answers, looking Sterling right down the barrel with kinder eyes than she'd set upon her earlier in the day. Sterling's heart constricts. 'I'm not okay. But I will be.'

Sterling just nods, her lips screwing up a little as she fights back tears she almost feels as if she doesn't have the _right_ to cry.

'You are family, by the way, April.'

Anderson shocks the three of them, his hand on his hip with the shotgun perched against the banister.

'I know you haven't been here long, I get that. But you're in this house, and you are under our protection. Whatever else happens. We can figure it out as we go, but for now, all you need to remember is that you're safe here.'

April's chest gets tight. It's like when someone you adore hugs you so hard it hurts, but you just don't even care because it makes your heart feel full.

And the only person remotely near her is Blair, a gentle hand on her upper arm.

'Thank you, Mr Wesley,' she replies, a few tears escaping as Anderson smiles back, laughing off the name.

'Please call me Anderson. I feel like it's high time,' he says, and walks over to gently squeeze her shoulder and take the bat out Blair's hand, who hasn't taken herself away from April's side just yet.

Sterling, meanwhile, is still standing at the bottom of the staircase, almost staring into space with a pained glare.

April notices, but she deduces it's probably better not to press in front of the others.

'Okay, um...how about you girls go get your sweatpants and whatnot on, and we will have ourselves a movie afternoon? I think we're all pretty spent out so, I'll um...clean up down here, and then I'll get some nachos in the oven, popcorn in the microwave, all that jazz. Ok?'

All three girls nod absently, April offering a tired smile as the trio ascend the stairs.

Anderson picks up the various knocked over items, and takes a moment around the expanse of the room, the dishevelled furniture.

The cogs in his head begin to turn as he slowly trudges out of the basement.

~()~

The three finally make it to the top of the house, Blair rubbing April's back before retreating to her room and getting her most comfortable clothes.

Sterling and April wordlessly follow each other into the former's bedroom, not really looking the other's way if they can help it.

It's only when Sterling catches April silently letting tears flow on the edge of the bed, and April finds Sterling wiping her own away as she rummages through her drawers, that any façade that was between them just....collapses.

April gets up from the bed, Sterling abandoning the drawers, and the two meet in the middle in a bone-crushing embrace.

'I'm sorry, that, that I pushed this morning, you didn't need that,' Sterling sniffles after a moment or two, her head on top of April's in the hug.

'No, please don't apologise,' April says, sniffing loudly as she grips onto Sterling's waist even tighter. 'You have every right to explanations, a talk. I get it. I'm just -'

'Let's not. You're right. You don't need that right now, neither of us do. You need your friends. So I'm here. I'm just gonna be here. For you.'

April sobs into Sterling's chest.

After a while, they faintly hear Blair going back down to the kitchen, and they know they don't have a whole lot of time left until Anderson comes knocking.

April pulls away slightly, not letting go of her tight grip of the twin.

Looking at her, the tear-smeared face, puffy eyes. Those, gorgeous, impossibly blue eyes.

April cannot help herself. She doesn't think Sterling can either.

She consciously tilts her forehead against Sterling's, whose eyes just close in response.

Neither of them really know who leans in first, but it doesn't particularly matter.

It's a little like when it's been a long day of hiking in the freezing snow. You're cold, your partner is cold, and you both immediately strip yourselves of your clothing and get in bed, purely just to warm up. That first slow, short kiss as you finally get warm enough to move again. When you really just _appreciate_ being home, warm and _with them_.

Sterling and April bask in it.

It's salty, soft, yet painfully fleeting.

They both pull away slowly, knowing that it's probably not going to happen again for some time.

'Someday,' April whispers. 'There doesn't have to be a maybe anymore. Just someday. Okay?'

Sterling nods tiredly, contentedly, already affirming in her head that it was more than enough. Knowing what had to be the priority now.

Supporting this wonderful girl.

And keeping her safe.

They hug for a few more transient moments, savouring each and every one.

Minutes later, they descend the stairs together, April accepting an errant hand thrown over her shoulder by Blair as they argue about which popcorn flavour is better, the latter getting mad at Sterling picking at the too-hot nachos 'before they are ready for earthly consumption'. 

Sterling thinks she can live with someday, if this is what right now is.

~()~

_One Month Later_

Debbie knocks gently on Sterling's bedroom door, and she hears a faint 'come in' from April on the other side.

'Hi there, missy. Sleep okay?'

April is dressed in the familiar orange polo, the khakis cutting a great figure on her despite being slightly dire on the average joe.

'Yes ma'am,' April replies, and she finishes making the bed as Debbie closes the door behind her.

'I um...I got a call from Ellen.'

April's eyebrows knit together as she tries to think of what Ellen might think is so urgent on a Thursday morning.

'She wants us to come in, have a meeting with you and her.'

'...oh.'

Debbie almost nods, but she thinks better of it.

'Now we don't know what news this is, honey, it could be all manner of things.'

'We both know that's not true, Mrs Wesley,' April murmurs, picking up her tote slowly as she lets her mind slip into worry a little.

'I will not tell you again, young lady.'

'Debbie.'

'Mmhmm. Anyway, as I say. We don't know the...exact subject matter. So let's just go and see what's going on and we can figure it out from there. The meeting isn't until just before the end of school, so just put it out of your mind and enjoy your day. You and Sterl have forensics later on, don't you?'

'Yeah,' April concurs, coming closer to Debbie as they both move to leave the room and descend the stairs.

'Just put all your energy in that, and really...go for it. Use that....classic April Stevens fire.'

April has to school her reaction at the weird, motherly attempt at encouragement.

She really appreciates it, though.

'I will, um...I will do that.'

Debbie points at April's face with a stern, yet playful look.

'No um's. It makes people think you're not sure of what you're saying.'

'Yes ma'am.'

Debbie winks, and even _boops_ her quickly on the nose. April is taken aback as the older woman skips down the rest of the staircase, charging into the kitchen.

'Alright. Breakfast, folks!'

April doesn't seem to be able to move, still a little struck by the domesticity of it all.

As if it's been years, not just over a month that she's been staying at the Wesleys.

_Living_ at the Wesleys.

She feels a shoulder check her roughly.

'Don't block the fire exits, Fellowship, c'mon now,' Blair says, racing down the stairs in search of the croissants that are filling the air with their pleasant aroma.

'Morning daydreamer,' April hears, turning her head to see Sterling slowly coming down the stairs, looking tired but generally content.

'Hi.'

'Everything okay? You're very um...skittish. This morning.'

'No I'm not,' April fires back, looking up again at the twin, and then darting her head back to her nails, which suddenly look very interesting.

'O...kay, I won't ask. Just...I'm here if you need anything. Okay?'

April takes a deep breath, steadying herself.

Debbie's right.

There's no point in worrying until she knows for sure.

'Yeah. Sorry. Just a little tired, that's all.'

'God, I hear that,' Sterling says, blowing out a breath dramatically as she trudges down the rest of the staircase.

'Excuse me! No taking His name in vain we have been _over_ this,' April exclaims, half serious, half too content at the warm feeling she gets around Sterling to care.

Get through your day, April, she thinks.

She's got this.

~()~

Sterling and Blair are lounging in Blair's room, the brunette twin furiously scribbling in her bounty notebook and Sterling absently sketching for her next woodshop project.

She seems to be doing a lot of those, but _damn_ , is she enjoying it.

Maybe she's the next Ron Swanson.

Either way, she's living up to _some_ type of stereotype.

It doesn't bother her in the slightest, though.

What does is that it's been over two hours since the end of school.

After a recon-catch up with Bowser, who'd gotten back from a surprisingly cleansing trip to Florida a week prior, the girls had both texted April to see where she was. She didn't normally go radio silent for this long, even if it was just a 'I'm fine, loser, go away' to Blair or a 'stop worrying x' to Sterling.

'Mom and Dad didn't have anything on today as far as I can remember either,' Blair finally says, clearly having thought about this in great detail.

'Blair, please don't start this again, if there's another can of worms like the last one we uncovered I really don't wanna open it,' Sterling replies, not taking her eyes off her chair design.

'No I don't mean it like - ugh, but do you think maybe...April got some news? Today?'

That catches Sterling's attention.

'She would have told us, right?'

'Not if Mom and Dad asked her to wait.'

'I mean... but it's me, though,' Sterling murmurs, not really to Blair, but to herself.

Unless it really was urgent, or she didn't really _know_ , April would have told her if something was going on right?

_Right?_

Suddenly, the twins hear a faint key in the front door downstairs, and look in each other's direction, perplexed, if a little concerned.

Sterling swears she hears a faint sniffle.

Murmurs continue for a moment or two before a pair of feet trudge up the stairs, even the steps taken sounding heavy, dejected.

Devastated.

The door to Blair's door opens, slowly.

It's April, of course.

Red-eyed, face tear-stained, and another sob already seeming to bubble in her throat.

It's horrible to watch. Sterling's heart cracks in two.

Blair gets off the bed, standing but not getting too close to April yet. Not knowing whether she _wants_ to be touched. Sterling puts down her iPad, moving closer to April but not crowding her.

She clearly needs some space to get this out.

'So,' April sniffles, 'there is nothing more that can be done. No money, no bursary, no scholarship. It's over.'

'What?' Blair whispers, mostly to herself. Sterling's eyes just close for a moment, sighing and feeling her own tears start to form in the pit of her stomach.

'As of December 20th, I will no longer be a Willingham student.'

Somehow, astonishingly, she hasn't cried any more. Her voice is hollow, broken, but she's standing stock still in the middle of the room and Sterling can't take it anymore.

She steps forward, tentatively, and wraps her arms around the shorter girl.

Who just can't keep it together any longer.

She's only cried in front of Blair like this a couple of times. Normally, she would retreat; even Sterling wasn't privy to such moments sometimes. But she's just so empty that she doesn't really care about stopping herself.

All the work. The hours, the hard graft, the extra-curriculars.

Her whole life.

It was at that school.

And now it was gone.

A month to the day that she did it the first time, April sobs into Sterling's chest again.

So much for 30 days without incident.

~()~

After a lacklustre takeout dinner, a half-hearted watch of Schitt's Creek (Blair thought it was wonderful, but even right now she couldn't bring herself to enjoy it) and a tub of ice cream finished in record time, the girls are getting ready for what will probably be a heavy sleep.

They all need it, anyway.

April is just getting herself settled in bed, skincare routine done to salvage a look that doesn't scream that she's been crying on and off since 4pm, when there's a rather furious knock at her door.

'So,' Blair announces, not waiting for an answer after knocking and being followed by a rather uncomfortable-looking Sterling.

'When we are sad in this family - and now that I have found over the past month that you are not the soul-sucking sea witch I thought you were -'

'Thanks?'

'You're welcome,' Blair fires back, before continuing rapidly, seemingly unaffected by the sarcasm. 'We do a thing called the Wesley Sandwich.'

Sterling's eyes drop to the floor, wide and embarrassed as she sucks her top lip between her teeth and tries not to look as if she wants the ground to swallow her up.

'Oh no,' April mutters under her breath.

'I will only initiate this if you are remotely comfortable with it, because you know, even if it's platonic, consent is sexy and whatever, but trust when I say it does wonders for one's serotonin levels, both Sterl and I have proved it.'

April raises an eyebrow.

'Is this true, Sterling? Does it help?'

Sterling still can't seem to bring her eyes to April's, sorely embarrassed at her sister's painful lack of tact.

'I mean, yeah. Definitely um...got me through a couple tough days. It's just a big, dumb hug.'

April looks away again, pretending to ponder hard on it and process her thoughts. It's hella weird, don't mistake it, but God, she could really use a cuddle right now.

'Well despite my...prickly,' April begins, bringing her knees up to her chest under the duvet as she sits against the headboard. 'Exterior, I am known to enjoy a hug from time to time. Depending on the person, of course.'

Blair doesn't wait for anything else, star-fish jumping onto the bed like an excitable four-year-old and climbing in on the other side of April, who might have pulled a muscle from the chronic eye-rolling she's been doing around the twins. Sterling, meanwhile, takes a few more moments to get in, clearly just getting over her embarrassment at her sister's wild crassness around April. 

Sterling rarely gets embarrassed about Blair's antics, fully endorsing her sister being the wonderful person she is.

It's a little different when Sterling is like, _in love_ with the person Blair is being _Blair_ around.

The brunette twin throws her arms around April's midriff over the duvet, and the girl even manages to muster a laugh.

'Y'all are ridiculous,' April mutters, letting her own hand rest on the arm. Blair chuckles a little as she wiggles to warm up under the duvet, at the girl's side, and it really _is_ a little weird.

But hell, is it _comforting_ to know she's got this firecracker sticking by her.

Suddenly, April feels a hand take hers, where it has been resting on her collarbone. Her eyes drift briefly to the side, only to find Sterling's head resting on her shoulder, cuddled into her other side.

Between the sheer strangeness of her current predicament, sandwiched as promised between the Wesley twins and feeling a touch smothered but also quite loved, April can't help but smile contentedly.

As the other two talk a little over her, her mind wanders.

She is absolutely gutted that she has to leave Willingham.

But knowing she has these two, a roof over her head, and a brain absolutely stuffed to the brim with knowledge (she's a nerd and she is proud. Try it.), it's not the end of the world.

It can be a new beginning, if she puts her mind to it.

She grips Sterling's hand a little tighter, as and she feels hers being squeezed back, she takes a breath, knowing whatever happens next, she can do it.

Tuning back into the room, she hears Blair's comments about how David's character development in Schitt's Creek is so pure and real that it makes her feel fuzzy. Sterling cannot abide, citing Alexis' journey as much more profound.

If I can get through _this_ , I can get through anything, April muses.

'I think you'll find Moira's character journey was a lot more earnest than people are led to believe, actually,' she decides to chime in.

She full on belly laughs as the chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can y'all let me know how you feel about that last scene? I personally don't really know if it fits wonderfully well, I tried my best, but I thought it was organic considering all the development. Lemme know.
> 
> Also,
> 
> To my American friends. The next time I update (hopefully this time next week) will be after the US Election. I truly, sincerely hope that that awful, piss-poor excuse for a man is voted out. From the outside, the division looks impossibly deep but the voting fire has been lit so brightly it's being seen everywhere. I really think it could happen. I'm praying for all of you, hell I'm praying for Joe and Kamala. Despite all its flaws, the States is a country I love so very dearly. I have family there and there are multiple places across the country in which I feel like I've found second homes (figuratively, y'all KNOW I don't have enough dosh to make that happen literally). I sincerely hope this time next week it will feel for you all that maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel. 
> 
> Keep safe, stay well, and by God, VOTE FOR BIDEN/HARRIS. 
> 
> I love you all. 
> 
> <3


	12. Don't Need Ribbons And Bows To Cure My Woes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April's last day at Willingham, and Christmas at the Wesleys. 
> 
> PLEASE READ THE NOTES x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys.
> 
> I am very, very aware of how long it's been since I updated. Truth is, after the election I had a massive spate of writer's block that threw me for six. Election anxiety, and some things to sort out here at home just sort of allowed me no time to get out of my funk, and I didn't want to force myself to write something I wasn't happy with, so here we are, almost a month later. Maybe over a month later. But either way, I'm sorry it's taken this long. It is, however, a corker of a chapter - it may be the longest single chapter I've written, actually - I may check that. 
> 
> I hope you're all doing okay. I'm doing a lot better than I was a month ago. I think the break away from writing has really helped. I won't make the mistake of promising you another chapter by a certain date, but the next chapter's plan (they're all planned out, re content) is a lot less plotline-heavy than this one so I think I should be able to churn it out in less time than this one took. Again, no promises, but yeah. Please don't abandon me and my lil fic - I AM writing it and seeing it til the end, I promise that. It just might be a while, and I will endeavour to make every single chapter worth the wait. 
> 
> I love y'all, and tell me what you think of the Wesleys' cute family Christmas. I could use the serotonin and I miss hearing from y'all. 
> 
> Peace and love. <3

_December 20th_

Blair shuts off the ignition, blowing out a heavy breath as she glances at Sterling, then into the backseat.

April is staring into the central console, clearly processing what the day is going to be like.

'Hey,' Sterling murmurs, and April's eyes shoot up to meet hers, a slightly pained look on her face.

There's a beat, and Sterling holds her eyes, trying to keep April's head above water.

'It's gonna be okay,' Blair says, leaning her head on the headrest as she looks back at the Stevens girl, who's ringing her hands as she glances out of the window, the prattle of the student body filing into Willingham ever present on the other side of the car doors.

'And if it's not,' Sterling continues, reaching to grab April's tightly bound hands, gently disentangling them and grasping them softly. 'We will be here.'

The almost imperceptible nod that comes from April does little to quiet the worries in Sterling's mind, but she has to be strong for her.

Sterling squeezes her hands once before letting go, and April says nothing, simply offering a weak, unconvincing smile as she shuffles out of the car with her bag.

The door doesn't slam, but its closure still makes Sterling flinch.

She's very aware that April doesn't want to be followed, and it's taking every bone in her body to not get out of the car and follow her.

'You need to keep it together Sterl.'

'I'm trying, jeez.'

Blair sighs, lightly slapping her hand onto Sterling's leg, rubbing it slightly as she hears Sterling audibly grimace. If that's even possible.

'You know, private school education is a lie and ultimately pours more division into society, so if you look at it that way April is getting out of a corrupt system.'

'Whether it's a corrupt system or not, April thrives here. It's always gonna be difficult for someone to let something go that...shaped so much of their life.'

'And she's irritatingly headstrong enough that a month into her time at public school she will be taking over forensics, captaining the lacrosse team we will inevitably beat because I will* win that war, and maybe even be running the GSA,' Blair lists off, trying her hardest to quell her sister's concerns. It's probably not working, she surmises, but all she can do is her best.

'And every afternoon,' she finishes, 'she is going to come home, and she can hang out with us, it's not like she's like...gone. She's still gonna be annoying me and fawning after you.'

'She does not fawn after me.'

'She absolutely does, you're just too much of a gay -'

'Bi.'

'Gay mess, it's a figure of speech, I am not in any way trying to erase your wonderful bisexual identity - GAY mess - to actually see it.' 

'Blair, please stop,' Sterling says tiredly, resting her elbow on the car door and putting her head in her hand.

'Seriously, Sterl,' Blair replies, grabbing her sister's other hand and forcing her to look in her direction once more. Trying her absolute hardest to communicate how much she means this.

'Things will work out. Maybe not right now, but eventually, they will.'

There's a beat, Sterling closing her eyes and processing Blair's heartfelt words. She needs to hear this now more than ever.

'Someday.'

'Exactly.'

Blair offers her a kind smile, one that she's so ardently familiar with. That brings her more comfort that pretty much anything else in the world.

The brunette twin quickly leans forward, kissing Sterling on the temple, before languidly gathering her things and getting out of the car.

Sterling looks over where April has just gone through the large double doors of the school, noticing Luke is following her in.

She pinches the bridge of her nose, collecting her muddled thoughts and finally getting out of the car, rushing a little to catch up with Blair.

_Get through today._

_For her._

~()~

April is a little stunned, if she's honest.

People from all over the school have been coming up to her throughout the day, telling her they're sad she's leaving. That they wish it could have been done another way.

She knows a lot of them are probably doing it because they feel like they have to. Because Ellen has been upping the anti-bullying policy, and preaching so much love and acceptance all their hearts might burst.

However, April also knows that some of them really just want to say their goodbyes. There were times she was liked at this school, and despite being a little prickly at times, she'd done a lot of good here.

She has to hold on to that, she muses.

Ellen has asked to have a meeting in her office after school - she's not sure what else is left to be said, but she finds herself weirdly apprehensive about the situation, which is odd when Ellen is involved.

She's barely seen the twins all day, surmising that she'll be able to spend some time with them later. She and Luke have been hanging out over lunch, gossiping about the newest episodes of Legends of Tomorrow, letting her forget the whole situation for a hot minute.

She appreciates him so much, now. She knows they wouldn't have been in a good place to be friends before all this, so April sits content in the fact that they'll still be friends despite not being at school.

Plus, Lynn Cresswell, like Debbie, has welcomed her with open arms.

Today is hard.

But she still has so much to be thankful for, despite everything else.

She smiles to herself as she opens the door to the fellowship room.

'SURPRISE!'

April jumps out of her skin.

A select crowd of people surround a cake, _we'll miss you!_ written on it in big and bold blue frosting.

The twins, Luke, Ellen, a couple of others from forensics that she knows well - and admires - because they had her same firecracker spirit in debates, look on with dazzling smiles.

Even Ezequiel and Hannah B are there, grins wide and comfortable and _wonderful_.

'Miss ma'am, I'm afraid we could not let you go without having a lil' party in your honour!' Ellen squeals, and she patters over to give April a hug, who accepts with a gobsmacked expression. 'We got pop, we got cake, and most importantly, we got friendship.'

April laughs at Ellen's obsessive positivity, barely able to stop the grin from being plastered on permanently.

They pull away from each other, and Ellen immediately points at Luke, who stands to attention. 'Let's get some music on party people!'

As Ellen walks back over to the table to fiddle about with the rest of the snacks, April notices the rest of the Holy Trinity walk over.

'That was a face for the ages, girl, I wish I'd had my phone out. I'm so dumb sometimes, ugh,' Ezequiel comments, and April chuckles.

'I think it's probably for the best. Are you guys sure you're okay to be here? I don't want you to get in trouble over me.'

'Our parents think we're at an extra hour or so of Bible study,' Hannah B cuts in, and she weaves her arm around April's waist, who returns in kind by letting her arm rest over Hannah's shoulders. 'We've got time. And everyone here knows this is a safety space.'

April tries her hardest not to roll her eyes, but her mercy is drowned out by Ezequiel.

'Safe space, baby, come on,' he corrects, and the deadpan look on Hannah B's face only makes April giggle harder.

'C'mon, let's go get you some cake!' Hannah B pipes up again, walking them in the direction of the table.

'As if anybody needs that many e-numbers,' Ezequiel despairs, and as they sidle over to the snacks April looks around, catching the eye of a certain beautiful blonde talking to Luke.

She smiles, earnestly, conveying something words couldn't really say.

In return, she gets a wink.

~()~

An hour so into the party, a few people have had to take their leave - not least Ezequiel and Hannah B, who didn't want to make their parents any more suspicious. April understands, and she loves they came all the same.

April walks with purpose over to Ellen, who's still replenishing snacks that simply don't need replenishing, and she has to stop herself shaking her head at the woman's wonderful, almost bullheaded need to keep the party going.

'Hey.'

'Well hello there slugger! How you doing, you enjoying your party?'

'Of course, that's a given, you had a hand in it,' April says, raising and eyebrow as the teacher chuckles.

'Well I did do some of the legwork, that's true, but still.'

'...still what?'

'Oh honey, you don't know?'

April's still a little stumped. Is she missing something obvious? April never misses anything obvious.

'Know what?'

'This was never my idea. I mean, I'm gutted it wasn't, and it should have been because y'all just know how much I love a party,' Ellen explains, eyes flashing with dangerous glee. 'But alas, it was not, it was young Sterling's,' she reveals, glancing over happily at the taller twin.

April can't do anything but follow Ellen's eyeline, watching the girl laugh at something goofy Luke has clearly said.

She's radiant in the light streaming through the stained glass window of the fellowship room.If she was to try and focus on anything else, she isn't sure she'd be able to keep it up for long.

'Oh,' she says quietly, and in her staring she misses another obvious thing.

The knowing smile of one Ellen Johnson.

~()~

April stares at the spire of Willingham Academy as the twins get in the front seats of the Volt.

She's sitting in the small central seat. It's a little uncomfortable, but at the minute she can't quite bring herself to care.

'You ready, Fellowship?'

She tears her eyes away to meet Blair's. They're kind, but not pitying. April appreciates that right now.

'I'm not really sure you can call me that anymore, you know.'

'You're always gonna be Fellowship to me.' Blair smiles lopsidedly, and Sterling starts the car, catching April's eye in the mirror.

The silent conversation ensues. _You okay?_

_I will be. Let's go._

~()~

_December 25th_

The knock on the door is so soft that April doesn't think she would hear it had she still been asleep.

'Yes?'

The door opens, and a bleary-eyed Sterling appears on the other side of it.

'Can I sleep for a little while in here?'

'Sterl it's 6:25am, why are you even up this early?'

'I could ask you the same, but I won't. I just need one more minute of peace before Blair wakes up.'

April's eyes narrow, even with the sleep impeding their movement slightly. She cocks her head back, signalling Sterling can come to the bed.

'I'm not following.'

Sterling trudges over to the bed, tucking herself in the other side and immediately closing her eyes before replying.

'If you think excited Blair is a lot, just wait until you meet _Christmas_ excited Blair. I love her but every year is a trip,' Sterling mutters into the pillow, already half-asleep.

April is a little too groggy herself to make a usual sarcastic comment, simply settling on a chuckle before letting her own eyes drift closed once more. She feels the faint brush of Sterling's hand against hers on top of the duvet.

The smile stays for a moment longer.

They only get another four-and-a-half minutes before the door bursts open.

'CHRISTMAAAAAAS!!'

'Lord have mercy on my soul,' April whispers as she opens her eyes to see Sterling staring fondly at her, knowing there's mere seconds before they're both attacked.

As expected, Blair bounces heavily onto the bed, smacking both girl's legs furiously through the duvet, eliciting grumpy teenage groans from the pair.

'Blair is this really necessary? Can't you harass your parents?'

April, eyes still sleep-ridden, doesn't quite catch the utterly offended look on the twin's face.

It's probably for the best.

'How very dare you, Fellowship! Don't make me change your nickname to Grinch for the day, I'll do it!'

'Don't they both mean the same sort of thing?' April hears Sterling mumble in a sleepy voice, and she lets her hand smack to the other side of the bed without much aim, still hitting her square on the side of the face.

'Owwwwww.'

'You -'

'Yes, I deserved that, I know,' Sterling says, rubbing her face as she sits up, a tired smile gracing her features.

Meanwhile, Blair is positively _vibrating_ with excitement.

'Come on come on, let's get started on the before-breakfast stash!'

Sterling moans tiredly.'Blair come ON, you know that just makes you feel sick every year, you get a stomachache when mom serves the ham and cheese croissants,' she chastises.

April just carefully watches the whole interaction, torso against the headboard and duvet comfortably tucked above her chest.

'And as I tell you every single year, it is MY stomachache! Plus we got another body this year, she may be small but she is mighty!'

The pair turn to April, one with a look of exasperation, the other with a look as if she's truly, truly won.

'What? What's the stash, you can't make me take anything I don't want to!'

She's only half joking.

'No, dumbass, it's chocolate. We have a cousin in England who sends the family the GOOD Cadbury chocolate for the holidays every year, and she always sends us a separate package with a little extra because she knows how partial Mom is to it. It's our secret stash.'

The silence endures in the room, the twins waiting for the answer to the hallowed, unspoken question.

'I do like those ones with the honeycomb.'

Blair's eyes light up like a Christmas tree.

'Finally, they're like, my least favourite!! I always suffer through the Crunchies and that's what gives me the stomachache! Oh my God, Fellowship, you're the best,' she declares, surging forward and wrapping the smaller girl in a furious hug.

'You're a big softie really, aren't ya Blairbear,' Sterling says, a shit-eating grin on her face as she begins to get out of the bed and shrug on her big fluffy robe, a monstrous pink thing covered in red hearts.

April notices her put it on while she's still in Blair's arms, smiling minutely as she sees Sterling almost cuddle herself into it.

She's so adorable, _fuck_.

'Shut up Sterl, I am to be feared.'

'Tell that to the tiny bundle of human you're gripping onto.'

Blair immediately pulls away from April, holding her at arm's length for a minute before cracking a smile and letting go, bounding out of the room on the lightest of feet.

'Gonna get my Daim bar on,' she mutters as she crosses the landing.

April looks over at Sterling, who's finishing off tying off her robe.

'Welcome to the House of Fun, Stevens,' she giggles lightly, and the smile she gets in return makes her heart flutter just a little bit.

~()~

As the trio descend the stairs after ingesting far too much sugar for the first eight hours of the day, they meet Anderson halfway as he hurriedly closes the basement door.

'Oh, hey hey girls! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays how are we all?!'

'Merry Christmas, Anderson!'

'Merry Christmas, Daddy,' Sterling says sweetly as she goes in for a hug.

'Happy Holidays Daddy! Aw, you said it this year!'

'Well, if there were any year to start pulling my socks up regarding um...inclusivity this is the one.'

'Is everything okay, though?' April asks, looking slightly concerned.

'How do you mean, Miss April?' he says, looking increasingly...skittish. It's not unlike the Wesley patriarch, but it's a bit more exaggerated than usual.

'You were coming up from the basement,' April points out, and she notices the twins tense up out of the corner of her eye.

'Oh! Oh, um, nothing to worry about, just um...checking the uh...boiler. Checking the boiler.'

April's eyebrow goes up as her mouth falls open a little, not believing it for a second.

Not least because she knows the cupboard for the boiler is literally at Anderson's left-hand side.

'Okay, as long as you're all good, Anderson, just want to be of help if...if needed,' April says nonchalantly, going to the kitchen to start the coffee brewer for everyone.

She decides to turn a blind eye to the scolding looks directed at the poor man by his daughters as she sidles away.

~()~

They're all sitting in the lounge, having opened up most of their presents.

April had gotten Anderson a beautiful portrait of a real duckling - just to match his wooden ducklings, she said. It almost made him well up.

For Debbie, a gorgeous vase, perfect to display exactly where the Wesley matriarch had been looking to replace the glass sculpture Blair had managed to break.

'Miss ma'am, you are 16! You don't need to be buying all this for us!'

'I actually found them both at a flea market down by the public school when I went to explore the area.'

The Wesleys have to hide the shock that passes briefly over their faces.

'I know, I know. But really, there were some absolute gems down there. I got the girls' gifts there too, you'd be surprised what you find in these sort of places.'

Blair and Sterling look towards their parents, ever the little children that wait for Mom and Dad's permission on Christmas.

'Well go on,' Debbie encourages, quite eager to see what other wonderful things April's managed to find at the sale.

Blair furiously rips at her wrapping paper, a small box revealed which she opens to find a brooch.

'Oh my God,' she whispers under her breath, running her fingers over it.

'What is it honey?'

Blair doesn't seem to be able to answer her, so April decides to supply one.

'It is a vintage brooch of Joan of Arc. The guy said it was Art Nouveau? So it's from like, the 1900s, but I got it for so little it just seemed to good to be true. Just thought, strong woman who led her people, it was your kinda thing.'

Debbie gasps softly as they all look back at Blair, who's struggling to contain her emotion.

'I um...it's...it's awesome thanks,' she concludes quickly, clearly not able to articulate her immense gratitude for such an amazing, and _thoughtful_ gift.

April just smiles knowingly. She's happy she got it right.

'Am I okay to open mine, A?'

April glances over to Sterling, a softness gracing her features as she smiles a private smile, only for the twin.

'Of course, go for it. I hope you like it.'

Sterling deftly opens the wrapping paper, much more measured than Blair, as if she's going to save it. 

Maybe she is. It is beautiful, and April _did_ pick it out.

Again, a small box.

She opens the magnetically sealed box to find a gorgeous sterling silver necklace, complete with a pendant of a butterfly, the wings silver and the body rose gold. A small blue gem sits atop the body, glistening in the Georgian sunlight pouring into the living room.

'April,' Sterling says, tears already welling in her eyes as she looks up.

'I just thought...it would suit you,' she says, but Sterling knows exactly what it means.

It's not their* song, but it's a song on the same album. The album that means so much to the both of them.

_You give me butterflies_

'It's gorgeous, thank you,' Sterling mumbles back, taking it out of the box and holding it out to the Stevens girl.

April goes to put it on her, nobody else noticing the slight tension in the actions as they begin to clear up all the paper and organise the gifts.

'Now Miss April, it's time for your gift,' Anderson says, clapping his hands together and rubbing them, walking out of the room and beckoning the family along.

April finishes fastening the clasp on the necklace, letting her fingers linger on the back of Sterling's neck as she begins to follow Anderson.

'What's going on?'

Anderson opens the basement door, holding his hand out towards the stairs.

'After you Ma'am.'

April raises her eyebrows, chuckling a little as she looks back at the twins and Debbie before tentatively stepping into the...decidedly _brighter_ stairwell.

As she descends the staircase, her jaw drops.

Her eyes can't seem to find what to focus on, it's all just so... _beautiful_.

The room is transformed from when they were down here last.

A big double bed sits in the corner of the room, the walls painted a gorgeous, featherlight green, one accent wall with the wooden panels from the old banister of the staircase, which has been replaced with a smoother wooden pole down, installed on the near wall.

Over the bed, a wooden frame encases a breathaking piece of art. 

Star Wars art.

An X-wing fighter just as it jumps into hyperspeed, sketched in a soft black and white.

A chest of hand-painted drawers, a bookcase and a wardrobe are dotted across the room, a space conspicuously vacant but, _God_ , it's...it's stunning.

April can barely believe her eyes.

'What is....what is this?'

Anderson walks a little in front of her, and she feels an arm wrap around her shoulder. It's Sterling's - she knows that before she even looks, the shape of the hand on her so familiar. It's grounding.

'Well honey...this is your room,' Anderson says, having become noticeably nervous.

'Wha...' April looks around again, barely able to contain herself.

'We thought that, although yes, it's good for Sterling to get her room back,' Debbie begins, bumping her hip against Sterling's. 'You need your own space. And this was the perfect space to make it in. I know there isn't a ton of natural light in here, but Mr Bowser is going to come and repair that lil' window up there and give a bit more on it, so that should make it a bit brighter. And it is all safe, warm, cosy and dry. This is probably now one of the nicest dang rooms in this house, my husband has done a wonderful job,' Debbie finishes, glancing at a beaming Anderson.

'We don't know, how long you're gonna be here, sweetheart. But you're always, always going to have a home here now. This is your space. Your sanctuary. Except for when Blair is bothering you.'

'Hey!' the twin chastises, and the parents laugh a little as April stands stunned, taking it all in.

'This is...this is incredible, it's...it's too much,' she says, the words almost tumbling out of her mouth.

'Now Missy what have we said? You are here for as long as you wanna be here. You need a place that isn't your friend's bedroom, that gives you your own space from us. This is what that is, that's all.'

Tears begin to spill at Anderson's words, April not even bothering to stop them as she sniffles.'Thank you so much, I can't even begin to...express...'

'I know honey, I know. You're so welcome,' Debbie says, coming to wrap April up in a motherly hug.

Sterling smiles at the cute interaction between her mother and the girl she's head over heels for.

Blair pipes up, clearly excited for her part in the new room. 'So, you'll notice a couple of things. Firstly, that there is a bit of a gap in-between all the other stuff,' she begins and April's eyes drift over to the pace opposite the bed. She had been wondering that.

'I am _almost_ done with it - it's gonna be a desk and chair for you. The desk is done, but the chair still needs a couple finishing touches, so I thought we could do that together. Sterl is gonna go on a walk with Mom and Dad so, we have the spare hours -'

'And adult supervision,' Debbie interjects. 'While I know Sterling knows her way around a toolbox I'm not so sure about this one sometimes,' Debbie quips, and Blair doesn't seem to have the energy to look offended anymore, just settling for a lone eye roll. 'Mr Bowser will be milling around, anyway.'

'Yes ma'am,' April says, her voice still a little wet from crying before. 'This is incredible, really. I couldn't be more grateful.'

Debbie simply kisses the girl on the forehead. 

'Right, we'll let you have a little explore around, the girls can give ya the full tour,' Anderson says, squeezing April's shoulder as they both begin their ascent of the stairs.

April's arms wrap around herself, watching the parents go, and she still can't quite believe what she's seen this morning.

'So that Star Wars art up there,' Sterling begins, just pointing at it quickly and looking back at April nonchalantly. 'You might wanna go check the signature in that bottom left corner there.'

April locks eyes with Sterling, confusion etched into her face as she gets up onto the bed carefully, before checking the writing.

'L Creswell?'

Sterling simply nods, a knowing grin on her face as Blair busies herself with the nook under the stairs opposite her.

'Luke drew this?'

'That he did. Turns out he's quite the artist, and has been hiding it from, well, all of us,' Sterling explains, letting herself sink down to sit on the end of the bed in her comfy robe. 'I still can't quite work out if I'm bitter about it or not.'

'Well however you feel, dude should _really_ go to art school,' Blair supplies, plumping a cushion.

April can barely process that _Luke_ drew that frankly awesome sketch of an X-Wing before she sees what Blair has just finished under the stairs.

It's not a lot of space, but it's been made enough. A soft grey beanbag sits with cushions plumped up around and on top of it, a smaller one opposite with a blanket folded next to it. In between them, on the under the stairs just above Blair's head, sits two small shelves, enough for five or so books on each one. Some have already been put there.

'Ta daaaa,' Blair says theatrically, stepping away from the space and letting April see it in its full glory. 'Cute, right? I wasn't sure whether to string some fairy lights around or just go with the wall lamp, so I'm gonna leave that up to you. Hannah B insisted on picking out all the different cushions, she said she knew your _aesthetic_ or whatever, so I let her do that. Ezekiel picked out the shelves and the beanbag, he said it was an understated look compared to the cushions so it balanced shit out, which is fair. I agree with him a lot more than I thought I would these days. Sterling installed the shelves, everyone thought that was for the best.

'But yeah,' Blair finishes abruptly, looking up at April with wide eyes and a beaming smile. 'If you can relax in here, which I think even you will be able to, anybody can.'

April doesn't even acknowledge the veiled insult.

'Thank you you guys. I really, cannot even get over this. Who knew the Wesleys could hit it out of the park like this, huh?' April quips, her trademark fire coming back just a little and making the twins chuckle along with her. She catches the cushion Blair throws in her direction.

'Aight Fellowship, sister of mine. I still have room because I didn't have to eat the Crunchies this morning, so Imma go upstairs and have myself that second breakfast. Peace,' Blair offers absently as she jogs up the stairs.

'That girl is going to be sick,' April says, shaking her head with a chuckle.

'Like I said, happens every year,' Sterling says, screwing her lips to the side before letting herself giggle at her sister's numb nut stupidity.

God, she loves her though.

'So I actually also, uh, have one more thing for you,' Sterling says, walking back over near the nook.

'Oh my Goodness, no you do not. You've already given me way too much!'

'Shush now you. Barely. Anyway,' Sterling deflects, turning to an outline in the wall April had neglected to notice. How had she missed _that_?

_Sterling, obviously._

'So, there _used_ to be an air vent here, but they mostly filled it out when the had the basement redone a couple years ago, and now it's over the other side, better air flow or something,' she begins, and April has to rein in herself because Sterling sounds _way_ too hot talking about building work.

God, she is a _mess_.

'So there was this small hole in the wall, and I know you really love your music. So,' she says, pushing a button on the outline, which springs out to reveal a small knob, which she then turns to open the small door.

April is already wildly impressed, but it's clearly not over yet.

Sterling puts a finger on a board inside, pulling slightly to let it open out on a rolling mechanism underneath, another small plank of wood revealing itself undeneath to slot diagonally against the wall, seemingly to support the weight of what was on the board.

A small case, which she then opens to reveal a record player.

'I do not say this lightly,' April mumbles, 'but holy shit.'

Sterling giggles brightly at the comment, and goes over to the nook to pick out one of the records in narrow slots, which have been built beside the bookshelves.

Again, April just _hadn't_ noticed.

'Oh my God,' April lets out, not able to keep her blasphemy inside in her absolute shock.

'Now I know this song is a little sappy but I think the vibe is chill. It's a nice first vinyl to have.'

'Sterl...how on earth did you do this?' April stalks over to the record player, looking underneath the board to look at the simple panel keeping it in place, the slot inside with two small wheel tracks where the board fits back for when it needs to be rolled back in. The spring mechanism on the door to keep the doorknob flat in the wall when it's not being used.

The several small but mighty feats of ingenuity are astounding for a sixteen year old, April thinks. 

And that's _coming_ from a sixteen year old.

'I tinkered with it for a while. When Dad told us his idea about you having the basement, I saw the hole and saw an opportunity,' Sterling nonchalantly finishes, waiting for April to break.

April looks up at her, eyebrow raised, holding her eyeline.

They both burst into fits of laughter.

'Well,' April says, still giggling a little, 'it's amazing. Really. And I couldn't ask for something better.'

'The inside is also insulated, so that should keep any moisture out and nothing should damage the player,' Sterling supplies, putting the record on the turntable and lifting the needle onto the vinyl. 'Care for a Christmas Day dance?'

April watches Sterling, sidling into the centre of the room and holding her hand out as the familiar song begins to play. A sly smile spreads onto her face as she follows the twin, letting her hand rest on the front of her shoulder as she clasps her other hand in Sterling's, the twin's other arm wrapping gently around her waist.

_We can leave the Christmas lights up 'til, January_

_This is our place, we make the rules_

'Taylor Swift? Really?'

'Come on now, you know you love her.'

'Oh I absolutely do, but folklore is much superior to Lover in my humble opinion.'

'Humble? You? No offence, Miss Stevens, but give me a whole dang break,' Sterling says, and April lightly slaps where her hand rests on the girl's shoulder as the sway to the music.

'And besides, I know you just love folklore because it's her sad gay album.'

'The genre suits her better, okay! I have my opinions, let me live,' April says with a chuckle, letting her head rest under Sterling's chin. 'Not that I'm ungrateful for the record. It's really nice.' 

Sterling lets out a breath from her nose as she smiles, tight-lipped. Content.

'You know, A, I...I am really enjoying being friends with you. It's not like old times, in fifth grade. It feels more...balanced. Equal.'

'Better,' April murmurs, letting her eyes drift closed as they keep swaying to the music.

'Yeah. Merry Christmas.'

'Merry Christmas, Sterl.'

_Take me out, and take me home_

_You're my, my, my, my_

_Lover_

~()~

Georgia winters aren't exactly cold.

They're a little nippy, sure, but Sterling doesn't need more than a the Christmas sweater and faux leather jacket she's got on - besides, she's running ice cold for a whole different reason.

She spares a glance at her parents beside her, walking arm in arm along the trail near their house, the traditional Christmas walk that only Debbie and Blair usually partake in - Sterling and her father usually make a Christmas ornament together in the woodshop, but if there were any good moment to get them both together, alone, now is the time.

She doesn't _think_ she's about to ruin Christmas, but if the swirling in her stomach is anything to go by, it could well be a possibility.

In her head, anyway.

'So um, guys,' Sterling begins, and she feels her throat close up a little bit. She forces herself to keep going.

_Now or never, Wesley._

'I have something to tell you.'

Debbie and Anderson slow slightly, both looking decidedly nonchalant on the surface. Sterling wonders how concerned they are on the inside. After all, it's been a rough year.

'What is it honey?' Anderson asks, hoping to coax along the conversation a little bit, seeing Sterling's nervousness in her wide eyes.

'I don't really know how to say this, but if I don't do it now I never will, and I think that given...recent...events? Maybe you'll be okay with it, I don't know -'

'Out with it, pumpkin,' Debbie interrupts softly, an encouraging, meaningful smile on her face. Sterling relaxes a little. It's unexpected.

Welcome.

'I'm bi.'

The three of them stop in the middle of the trail.

First, it's mild shock. Then, deep thought.They look at each other, and she swears she sees Anderson nod, just a little bit.

She waits with bated breath.

Debbie steps tentatively away from Anderson, unthreading her arm. Now in front of Sterling, she cups her daughter's cool cheeks, looking straight into panicked eyes.

'As long as you are happy, my girl, that is all I care about. I am so proud of you for telling us, especially given what's going on with April. I don't want you to feel that your journey is overshadowed because of that.'

Debbie's thumb swipes over one of Sterling's cheek, wiping a tear the girl didn't know had fallen.

'Are you sure? Because I know we've been through a lot already this year and -'

'Are you happy?'

There's a beat, as Sterling realises that this _really_ is what her Mom cares about.

She could be anything she wanted.

She didn't think this day would come with her mother.So much expectation, so much encouragement - there had always been standards in the Wesley household, high ones which she'd almost always met.

Those standards are still there. Debbie just knows that the circumstances are a little different these days.

And that's okay.

'I really am, Mom. I'm me now.'

'That's all I need.'

Sterling hiccups without being able to stop it, and she's pulled into a bear hug, and she sees her Dad's knowing smile as she rests her chin on her mother's shoulder. She reaches out her hand, and he grabs onto it, squeezing and not letting go.

This could not have gone better.

_Thank God._

'That's the one where you like both, right?'

'Great goose, Anderson, come on,' Debbie says while still hugging her daughter, who laughs throatily.

'Yeah, Dad, that's what it is.'

'C'mon Debbie, I'm just trying to be down with it!'

_Yeah, thank God._

~()~

'Ooookay, I think that's it,' Blair says, putting down the paint brush that she'd been making finishing touches with.

'That, most certainly, is a job well done. Who knew you had it in you, Wesley?'

'Shut up, Fellowship, or I'll take the mallet to it right now,' Blair says, not able to keep a straight face while issuing such threats.

'How's it going in here, girls?'

'Bowsie!' Blair exclaims, launching herself at the poor man as April sidles over, a coy smile gracing her features.

'How are you, Mr Bowser? Happy Holidays!'

'Hey now, I told you not to be callin' me that. It's Bowser or nothin.'

'Sorry, yes. Bowser.'

Bowser nods with a sly smile on his face as he puts Blair down, and he holds out two gift bags out. Another is in his back pocket, ready for the twin yet to arrive home.

'Happy Holidays, kids. Please be careful with these damn things.'

Blair snatches hers out of Bowser's hands, eliciting an exhausted head shake from the long-suffering boss, while April takes hers gently and smiles at him, mouthing a 'thank you' as she dismantles the tissue paper inside to get to the gift.

'What?! No way! That's so cool!'

'Don't make me regret giving you that damn thing, Blair. I'll take it off you if I have to,' he says quickly, a warning finger in her direction.

April examines the baby pink taser in her hand. She doesn't imagine it's very strong - Bowser knows not to give such firepower to a sixteen year old, much less Blair Wesley.

Blair's is a neon orange, so bright one couldn't miss it - but it's her sort of colour, so April gets it. The baby pink suits April too, she thinks.

'Thank you, you didn't need to get this for me, you're already helping out with my room,' April says, giving the man a quick one-armed hug.

'Now now, y'all need protection that isn't guns, it worries me when I see Sterling handle one so easily. Y'all still too young, really. This is more your speed. And you room window is done, definitely getting a little more light in there. Should be good to go.'

'That's brilliant, thank you.'

Bowser's about to say you're welcome, but is almost winded off his feet by Blair launching herself at him for another hug.

'You're the best, Bowsie,' Blair says aggressively, and April rolls her eyes as she begins to take off her overalls and put her Christmas sweater back on. The white and baby pink jumper, with a fair-isle print and a row of skiers on the chest, suits her well.

It _was_ pulled out of Sterling's closet, after all.

'Are you staying for dinner?'

'Yeah, the twins' mama invited me. Yolanda gonna come along too, her family are down in Miami.'

'Oooooh, Yolanda,' Blair says in a mocking voice, making kissy faces at the poor man. April slaps her lightly on the shoulder, a warning look Blair's way. The twin just responds with an eye roll, sticking out her tongue at the Stevens girl.

'That's really lovely, Bowser. I'm looking forward to meeting her,' April says, a sincere smile directed at the bounty hunter.

'See you're more like Sterling,' he observes, and April's smile is coy again, crooked and almost sly. 'And there are times when I prefer Sterling. Why can't you treat me like that?' he asks Blair, who gives a shit-eating grin in response. Bowser gives up, shaking his head and picking at the share box of chocolates the girls have open on the table.

'Oh my goodness, please eat all of them.She's been on a sugar rush all day and I need her to crash and take a nap,' April says with an exasperated twinge, and Blair's face is like thunder.

'Right Fellowship, that is it!'

She picks up the paintbrush, still wet from having not long been used on the chair, and runs towards April at full speed.

The Stevens girl simply squeals and runs out of the woodshop.

'Run like the wind, church girl,' Bowser says to himself, chuckling as he pops another chocolate into his mouth. 'Damn kids.'

~()~

They've almost finished their Holiday feast when April suddenly stands at the table.

She demurely, almost jokingly taps her glass with her knife, grabbing everyone's attention. She tries not to fixate on the fact Sterling's head was easily the first to turn.

'I know that, well, speeches are usually for Thanksgiving, but given that we were all a little distracted then, I think maybe I could be forgiven for wanting to say something now if I may?' she looks at Debbie, seemingly for permission.

'Of course, honey.'

'Thank you, um. So. Yes, it's been uh, a tough couple of months, hasn't it? A lot's happened, bad and good, and I guess I don't really have all that much to say, I don't wanna dredge anything up, but....I did just want to say this,' April begins, and she feels Sterling's hand grip hers fondly, squeezing before letting go.

'I am so, so thankful for you all. I would be destitute, without you, and I mean it both figuratively and literally.You took me in when, frankly, I least expected it, and you've welcomed me into your family without much issue at all. Despite everything you have going on without me getting the way. And I've never wanted to step on anyone's toes, but I know I was in danger of that for a while. For that I am sorry,' she says, glancing at Sterling who just shakes her head once with her eyes closed. _Don't worry._ 'But in any case...I am okay. Although not everything is different, I'm ready for what is, what's going to be, because of all of you. Anderson and Debbie, you've welcomed me into your lives with such ease, and I know another mouth to feed can't be wonderful for anybody's bank account, so thank you so, so much.And Sterl, Blair, well...it's been. um. It's been a joy, to be able to get to know you both again. I'm sorry for how I acted at school before, for everything. I'm just so glad we're getting this chance, I really am.

'So, if I may, a toast. To the Wesleys.'

Everyone holds up their glasses.

'The most thoughtful, giving, and generous chosen family a girl could ask for. Cheers.'

Everybody clinks glasses, cheersing, and Anderson winks at April as Debbie dabs at her eye.

'Damn, Fellowship. Not such a hardass after all, huh?'

Everyone looks at Blair, who is incredulously fighting back sobs. She furiously wipes her face with her napkin as April smiles.

'I'm definitely less of one than I used to be.'

'Still badass, though,' Sterling pipes up, heavily letting her hand land on April's leg, patting it a couple of times before pulling it back towards herself, smiling knowingly all the while.

'Oh, I can attest to that,' Bowser says, and Yolanda smiles and grips his hand a little tighter.

'Dessert, anyone?'

'Yes please, Mrs. Wesley,' Bowser says, even beating Blair to the punch with his enthusiasm.

'I'll get it!' she says, scrambling from her place to go and grab the dessert - seemingly so she can steal a little extra for herself.

'That was quite the speech, Miss Stevens. You made a great point,' Sterling whispers in her ear.

'I do believe I did,' April fires back, and the beaming smiles they share don't go unnoticed by the rest of the table.

Their own little world is big enough for them for now, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, aren't they all adorable? God I miss them


	13. Thought I'd Seen It All Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April starts at the public high school, and Sterling wonders if 'one day' is really a good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys...sheepish here....I'm sorry it's been so long, I promise I haven't abandoned this fic. I do. It's just that life takes over some times, and I think it's just better I don't promise chapters in a certain time frame. Either way, I have an outline and I WILL finish this fic. Not for like, ten chapters at least, but I will. I hope you can forgive my prolonged absence and that you actually want to continue reading.
> 
> Also, the orange turd has gone, time hold Joe Biden and Kamala Harris accountable while also celebrating having a little normalcy back in the White House!!
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter. Things about to get real spicy up in here...drama imminent....

April lies in her bed, staring at the ceiling.

Today, she starts a new chapter.

Her first day at the public school in the city.

She knows she shouldn't be that worried. People go to public school all the time. Her cousins in Illinois go to public school, and they're fine.

It's quiet down here, the basement room that's been transformed so gorgeously into her own little sanctuary. Right now, it's probably a little too quiet.

It has been in this house for a little while, in all honesty. In the week following Christmas, Sterling all but withdrew completely. April and Blair talk more than April and Sterling; she hasn't a _clue_ what she did to piss off Sterling. She thought that after they talked, that they'd agreed on a 'friends' situation - for now, at least - it would just be a little better from then on.

She wonders if Sterling isn't as okay with being friends as she thought.

April pushes the thought out of her mind, sitting up in her bed as she hears a knock at the top of the stairs.

'Entrée,' she says tiredly, raking a hand through her bedhead.

'Hey there Fellowship,' Blair says softly, walking down the stairs, followed by a sheepish Sterling.

'Hey, guys. You know that doesn't really apply anymore right,' April replies as Blair plonks down on the side of the bed, Sterling awkwardly leaning against the base of the banister. The distance, again, is palpable. It unsettles April more than she'd like it to.

'Okay no but it's like, a state of mind, not a position, ok, and whatever damn school you go to you're gonna have that state of mind, like it or not,' Blair declares with a finality April is too exhausted to argue with, so she grins with a droopy set of eyes and lazily punches the girl's shoulder.

'You're gonna have an awesome first day,' Sterling pipes up, attracting April's surprised attention. She doesn't really know how to respond, so she smiles meaningfully at her while Blair races towards April's wardrobe.

'Oh my gosh, what the f are you even going to wear? I really think uniforms are underrated, it takes the endless guessing out of what's on trend when you're in school, I dunno. Maybe try a cute dress? Wait no it's the middle of January, that's dumb. Don't go too formal with like a dress shirt, you don't need that. Maybe like, jeans and the band tee, but with the peacoat? Oh God, now I'm stressed and I'm not even wearing it.'

'Yeah, I see where it's coming from, that's really helping me out,' April muses sarcastically, and she sees Sterling smile out of the corner of her eye as she approaches the wardrobe.

She gently pushes Blair away from the closet door, looking through and mulling it over.

April knows that while yes, it's just an outfit, it also signals a new start. She can wear whatever the _fuck_ she wants. No consequences, no father telling her that band is sinful, that dress is a little short, nothing. (Well, within reason, but she's not one to wear super short dress anyway. She likes to leaves some things to the imagination.)

She can carve her own path, and be herself, _truly_ herself, for once in her life.

'Okay, run along, private prissies,' April says, and Blair has the audacity to look offended by the obvious joke. Sterling just raises her eyebrow at the Stevens girl, and April's shit eating grin says it all as she coaxes them up the stairs.

As they reach the top, April sees Anderson at the other side of the door.

'April, sweetie, I know it's a little early but um...you have a visitor.'

~()~

Having thrown on a robe, April reaches the front door to find...well.

Her own sister.

'August,' she mumbles, and the thirteen year old waves awkwardly, and their neighbours - well, April's _former_ neighbours, sixteen-year-old twins Tristan and Jasper wave from behind her on the drive.

'I can't stay long, Dad will know if I hang around here for too much time that I've been talking to you. I just, wanted to say that I missed you and well...give you this.'

August turns around, pointing at....April's truck.

Which is now a completely different colour, number plate and headlight shape.

'He wanted to get rid of it, but Mom asked Jasper and Tristan to take care of it on the down low until she knew what to do with it. I suggested we spruce it up, make it different enough that it wouldn't be noticeable as your* truck anymore.'

April padded down to the truck - once a glossy white but now an understated forest green - in her slippers, running her hand along the side of the vehicle, the darker colour gorgeous in the soft winter sunlight.

'Everything should be in tip top shape,' Jasper says, lightly smacking the hood. 'If you have any issues, just let us know. After all, we go to the same school now.'

April doesn't know a whole lot about the boys. They weren't to be much, associated with*.Their father was black, and mother white, and despite living in the lovely neighbourhood and being no different to anybody else, her father avoided ever bringing them over for dinner, or associating with the whole of their family unless it was absolutely necessary. Which was a shame, because they were both really good kids.

'Thank you guys, so so much you don't...you don't know what this means.'

'That's okay. Your Dad doing that to you was awful. We have your back. Whenever you need it.'

'I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you more, April.'

She turns around to find August near tears.

'Mom is devastated too, we miss you like crazy. She doesn't care about any of it, she just wants you home. We want him _out_.'

April rushes over to her, taking her sister's hand in between her own.

'Are you safe? Has he hurt you?'

'No, we're okay for now. I worry about Mom though. She's starting to talk back to him enough that he gets angry. She pushes him and I know he'll snap, I just -' her voice cracks, and she stifles a sob. April can't bear it, and she envelopes her in a fierce hug, kissing her temple.

'If he ever lays a hand on either of you, you call the police. I don't care what Mom says about keeping the peace, he broke that the moment he started controlling all of us. I'm just sorry I can't get you both out now.'

'It's not your fault. He took you out of the picture.'

'I know. Just remember that you're both so much stronger than you know, and I love you so much.'

'I'm sorry I didn't reach out before, April, I really am. I'm so okay with it. With all of it. I'm just glad you're happy.'

'Thank you baby,' April says, stifling her own tears. She gives her sister one more squeeze.

'We'll get her to school, and then maybe see you there April?' Tristan says, offering a kind smile.

April smiles, tight lipped, and nods at the twins. Jasper wraps his arm around August as he brings her to their car.

Before April can go back inside, reeling from the last few minutes, August turns back.

'Check the glove compartment,' she says, and before April can respond August is in the twins' SUV, and they speed away so as not to be seen for too long.

She decides she needs a bit of an emotional rest before even thinking about the glove compartment, and goes inside to find Blair and Debbie waiting on the other side of the front door.

'Guessing you don't need to carpool with us then?' Blair says, offering a quip in this time of emotional turmoil.

April doesn't want to cry _again_ in front of the twin, but she can't really help herself at this point. She all but collapses into Blair's embrace, Debbie rubbing her back as Sterling and Anderson look on in sympathy.

Sterling is barely holding back her own tears.

Fabulous start to the day.

~()~

April stares at her phone.

An unopened text from Sterling lies in the notification line - reading, simply, 'you got this'

She's not really sure how to respond; her head is a little fried at the moment, and confused as all hell, so she slides it away and files it in her head for later. Looking up, she sees the throng of students heading for the slightly battered buildings of the high school. It's not a bad school, by any means, with one of the best sports programmes in the state and a very respectable table score in academics, when it came to college admissions. She figures while what mattered was excelling, they were really focused on updating the decor.

Or, at least, she tells herself that.

Taking a deep breath, she flicks open the glove compartment. Inside, an envelope with her mother's writing, clearly not just with a letter in it. The lump in her throat grows tenfold.

She swipes her thumb over her mother's lyrical script, the tears already threatening to fall. April steels herself, opening the letter and letting a little present fall out with the piece of paper, monogrammed with her mother's initials.

Her composure falters further as she unfolds the letter, beginning to read.

**_'My dearest April,_ **

**_I suppose I don't really even know where to start. I think the best place would be with some simple words, which I say with more meaning that I've ever meant before._ **

**_I am so, deeply sorry._ **

**_For so many things, really. For how your father acted, even though he should answer for his own actions, for how I acted, for not reaching out sooner. For not being able to take care of you. First and foremost, I need you to know I do not want you anywhere near those camps your father talked about. I was shocked, that much is true, but I don't believe the Lord will be smiting you down just because you don't like men._ **

**_If anything, he may believe you're onto something. He made you in his image, so who are we to judge his plan? You are my gorgeous, fierce, clever, charming and wonderful little girl. Whoever you bring home - at the moment, at least, I mean this figuratively - will not only be someone who can protect you when you are less prone to protecting yourself, but somebody who excels in everything they do, just like you. Despite your father's stupidity and narcissism, you have always had a good, level head on your shoulders. Don't let what's happened in the last few months stop you from being yourself, not ever._ **

**_I tried to stop him from taking away your Willingham fees. He wouldn't budge. He figured it would bring you back to us, with an agreement to go to that ghastly therapy in Athens so you could stay. He's getting worse, though - every time I disagree with him, I can tell he suspects I'm not as vehemently hateful as he is (except, he would never call it that). August and I are safe, for now, and I'm not in a financial position to get away from him just yet. I'll try to keep you updated. The boys from next door have been lifelines for August, so now that you're going to the same school as them I hope that will be the case for you too._ **

**_Please give my heartfelt thanks to the Wesleys for taking you in. I knew that Sterling wasn't as all-hell-heathen as those mad moms at the church say. The way the whole family have helped you warms my heart no end, and one day I'll repay them for all the good they've done._ **

**_Now I know you're probably sitting there, trying not to cry. Normally, I'd say let it go. But right now, young lady, I want you to be strong. Whether you're reading this before or after your first day at that school, I want you to go in with your head held high. Keep your brain sharp. Make some new friends, and dress how you want to! I know how you used to keep that Fleetwood Mac hoodie at the back of your closet. It's not here, so you must still have it. Wear it with pride. Be yourself, with all the pride in the world. Whoever said it was a sin clearly didn't want to be themselves._ **

**_I've enclosed a couple of little things that I hope will give you a spring in your step._ **

**_April, my darling girl, I hope one day you can forgive me for all but abandoning you like I have. It weighs on me every day, but for Augusts' sake we have to wait until the time is right. I love you with all my silly little heart. Forever._ **

**_Keep safe, and don't let anything get in your way. You're magnificent._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Mom_ **

**_xoxo'_ **

A tear is about to fall, but April blots it away quickly, trying her hardest to do what her mother says. As she looks down, composing herself as she reels from the emotions, she catches the logo on the hoodie she's wearing; Fleetwood Mac, the penguin logo from the 2019 tour.

She remembers how devastated she was that she wasn't allowed to go to their tour last year. Her father called them miscreants and heathen rockstars. Said she shouldn't be listening to them, let alone wanting to seem them live.

She came home from school one day, in the week or so that she was still moping, to find a wrapped gift on her bed. It was the black hoodie, tour dates on the back and the penguin logo on the front. Turns out, her aunt and cousins had gone to the show United Center in Chicago, and having heard that April hadn't been allowed to go, they'd sent her mom the tour hoodie for April. The thought was touching, and she didn't wear it much, but knowing she had it was always comforting.

Now she can wear it and not worry that her father will rip that away from her too.

She smiles to herself, picking up the small present and deftly unwrapping it, only to find in it a car air freshener.

In a rainbow shape.

Not only that, but a pin badge fell out, and April almost gasps when she picks it up. It's a pair of crossed flags - on one side, the progress flag, and the other the community lesbian flag.

April is _really_ trying not to cry now.

She pins it onto the lapel of her black denim jacket. Her jeans are a denim blue, and her converse hi-tops white, and she feels a little out of herself.

But she knows it'll take a while to get comfortable in this almost...new skin. The false one, shed.

She laughs out loud.

Quickly remembering that she hasn't replied to Sterling, she feels more sure of herself now as she texts a quick 'Thank you' before shoving her phone in her backpack.

Spotting the twins, she gets out of the truck, that spring in her step her mother hoped for bounding along with her.

~()~

Sterling is now the one who can't take her eyes off her phone. She and Luke are eating lunch on a bench - the Richard Koontz Memorial Bench - on the edge of the football, watching the jocks try and out-square each other like the idiots they are.

'She's gonna be okay, y'know,' Luke says, and Sterling's head snaps up from the screen so fast she might have given herself whiplash.

'I...ugh.'

Luke smiles sympathetically.

'I know she will be. I just...I know I've been distant, because this whole 'one day' thing just...it just isn't working for me. I can't do that to myself. I wanna be there for her it just...kinda hurts, y'know?'

Luke chuckles, taking a bite of his sandwich.'I think you know I know.'

'Sorry.'

'Nah, you're good.'

'Yeah, I kinda figured. You and Hannah B haven't stopped texting in like a week.'

'Shut up, man, how do you even know?'

Sterling throws him a shit-eating grin as Luke pouts.

'You don't exactly conceal your himbo crush, dude.'

Luke responds by tapping his feet against the floor, making a discontented sound and looking away from Sterling, only to find that Hannah B is staring at the pair. She nervously waves at Luke, who reciprocates awkwardly.

'Case in point.'

'Sterl!'

Sterling giggles, and she's glad for this silly boy. They may have dated for as long as they did, but he's such a good friend now, and she needs that.

'Maybe you should just...see what else is out there. _Who_ else is out there.'

Sterling shifts uncomfortably.

'You guys are living together right now, so like... even if it was possible, it wouldn't be a good idea. You still deserve to be happy, Sterl. Even if she can't be the one to do it right now.' 

She smiles, a sad tinge to it, but enough for Luke to smile back.

'How can such a dumbass make so much sense?'

'The world is mystified, trust me,' he says, chuckling again as his attention slowly shifts back to Hannah B.

Sterling sighs, knowing just how good a point he's making.

Maybe.

~()~

April walks out of her last class with the twins, feeling more at ease than she thinks she ever has at school.

There are definitely more students in each class than at Willingham, but she's almost enjoying the segue into mild anonymity; getting on with her work and concentrating unimpeded is much easier when the teacher doesn't want to use her as an example the entire class.

That isn't a brag, of course - it was just her experience. Even if she was a little up herself at Willingham, sometimes.

The influence came from the more narcissistic part of her lineage, after all.

'I think having you around here is gonna be super useful, I'm not gonna lie,' Jasper says, and his brother punches his shoulder.

'She's not just a brain on tap man, come on,' Tristan chastises, and April laughs at the antics. She definitely thinks she will be glad for these two.

She looks past her locker, which she's opened and already had wild thoughts about how to decorate, before catching the eye of a familiar face.

'Hey, it's...it's Miles, right? Miles Taylor?'

He approaches her cautiously, his face the picture of confusion.

'April Stevens? Okay, I have like, a million questions.'

April laughs, shutting her locker and facing the young man.

'I'm sure you do, please ask away.'

'One - you, April Holier than Thou Stevens, know my name? Um, two, how come you're here and not at Willingham? What kind of country club father sends his kid here?'

April purses her lips in a thin smile, nodding.'Well, it's kind of a long story, but my Dad isn't really in the picture anymore. I'm um...sorta living with the Wesleys, now.'

His face changes sharply at that, brows furrowing at the mention of the Wesleys.

'For real?'

April can only offer him a shrug and a smile, and as he processes the twins appear behind her.

'Hey man, what's up?' Jasper greets Miles, offering him a hand and a bro hug.

'You know this chick?'

'Yeah man, she's our neighbour. Well, kinda,' Tristan says, and Miles doesn't pry, knowing there's clearly more to the story than he originally deduced.

'Either way, be nice,' Jasper says, slightly joking, but also with a hint of warning. 'It's her first day and nobody needs shit in their junior year.'

'I hear you man, I hear you. You'll get no trouble from me, April Stevens. In fact,' he says, pulling out a pamphlet from his pocket, 'I'm going to this thing tomorrow night, I know you two would hate it,' he says, and they nod and step away a little as they see the pamphlet, 'but from what Blair used to tell me about you it might be your sorta thing, Stevens. A couple of my other friends are coming too, I think y'all would hit it off so, yeah.'

'April we're gonna split, but today was awesome. See you tomorrow?' Jasper asks, Tristan waving as he begins to make off.

She nods at them with a smile, and Jasper returns it before catching up with his brother.

She turns back to look at the pamphlet, and granted, it's just up her street. A lecture at Spelman College, of all places - a repeat of a lecture series from a few years ago, open to ages 16 and up - **Phi Beta Kappa Visiting Scholar Hazel Carby, Spelman College Faculty and Students Explore Empire, Nation and the Citizen.**

She looks at Miles, and she wonders if she's misjudged him to harshly in the past. He clearly knows his stuff, and he's also willing to disregard any past grievances with people around April to welcome her into the fold.

'I'm sure Blair told you I was a dragon lady.'

'She did tell me that, but she also told me you were the cleverest person in the school by a country mile. Think she always admired you, despite you being, as she put it, 'the worst'.'

April bites her lip, thinking of the fiery Wesley twin. 'She told me how you guys split. I'm sorry.'

'Nah, don't apologise. I fucked up hard, man. Really hard.'

'She did tell me what happened. While yes, you did...fuck up, and you hurt her, you seem to know that you made a mistake, which is the first step. It doesn't entirely sound like all is lost, if it's not too forward for me to say.'

'I mean, it kind of is, but to be honest, I feel like I kinda need to hear it. I'm always looking for honest folk in my circle. It's refreshing.'

'Well, if I'm admitted into your prestigious circle,' April begins with a sly grin, 'I can promise I won't judge you on what I've heard from Blair, as long as you just don't hurt anyone like that again. Clean slate, all that jazz. I know I've said my fair share of bad things, and I've misjudged you and a...a lot of others before. So...if you could possibly do the same with me, does that...sound good?'

She's very much going out on a limb here. Funny thing, courage, when it wants to be.

'You know what?' Miles replies, looking around as a smirk slowly appears on his face. 'I think that I can handle that. I mean, anyone who likes Fleetwood Mac already gets a plus vote in my book anyway.'

April looks down at her hoodie, and back up as she sees Miles now sporting a full grin.

'That's very encouraging,' she says, before sticking her hand out. 'Hi, April Stevens. I just transferred here from private school, so bear with me, it's all a little new for me around here.'

He chuckles, and shakes the offered hand.

'Miles Taylor. Don't worry at all, I'm pretty sure we can make you feel welcome here. As public high schools go, it's a pretty good one.'

'It looks it.'

The two giggle at the exchange, and April thinks that she really might be okay here after all.

~()~

When April gets home, she sees the three ladies of the Wesley household waiting around the island.

'Hey, missy, how are you?! How was school?' Debbie asks, barely letting April walk in the door before launching an excited tirade.

'Mom, let her take a breath,' Sterling says, turning her attention sheepishly back to April.

'It was good, yeah. Lot more people, but it was refreshing. Turns out not being the centre of attention can actually be a good thing,' April quips, and Blair and Debbie laugh while Sterling smiles minutely.

'Well, I made brownies because first day is always the hardest, but it seems like maybe you don't need 'em...' Debbie says, raising her eyebrows as she handles the baking tin full of the delicious treats.

'Now hang on Debbie I would still say it was a difficult day, settling in and whatnot,' April follows along with the joke, and Debbie winks before beginning to plate the brownies up.

'Blair, can we talk for a second?'

Blair's smile dissipates, concerned. She looks over at Sterling for a moment, who smiles at her a little before turning her attention to her mother.

The twin can't say she isn't worried about Sterling, but there's not a lot she can do when she won't talk to her.

'Sure, Fellowship, what's up?'

'Well, at the end of school today, I kind of bumped into...Miles.'

'Miles? My Miles? Well, not _my_ Miles but -'

'Yeah. That Miles.'

'Right. Is he...are you...okay?'

'Yeah, we actually...kind of, hit it off. He invited me to a Spelman lecture tomorrow, I think he might be quite a nice friend to have around. He knows he messed up with you, and I made sure he knows I wasn't letting him off the hook for that but...yeah. Would it be okay, if I was to start hanging out with him more? It's not like I'm dating him, obviously, but if he's off limits you just say the word.'

Blair isn't exactly blindsided, but she's definitely surprised. The old April in this situation wouldn't have even considered Blair's feelings on the subject, and what's more may have even tried to hurt them, using him.

She decides in that moment that she really, like, _loves_ the person April truly is.

'April, you don't have to ask permission to be friends with my ex. Whatever problems he and I have shouldn't affect your friendship, or what could be one. Besides, he's an idiot when it comes to girls, but it doesn't mean he's not a...a good person. Because deep down he is. He's just a guy who can't express feelings properly and assumes shit about people. But things sound promising, so hopefully he doesn't assume stuff with you.'

'Don't worry, he's not assuming anything. We agreed on that from the get go.'

'Good. Well in that case, friendship away. I'm glad you have someone we know looking out for our lil' Fellowship, how are we surviving without you oh my _goodness_!' Blair wails jokingly with a pouted duck lip, throwing an arm dramatically around April's shoulders.

'Fuck off, Blair,' April says quietly, giggling at the stupidity of the twin.

'Rude, madam! Oh my gosh, that school can't be good for you if you're learning language like that,' Blair says as they re-approach the table.

'Brownies up, ladies!' Debbie announces, and they each take a plate.

April looks up only to catch Sterling's eye.

'You okay?' Sterling mouths at her.

April nods, a smile conveying more than she can say gracing her features.

She's still transfixed by Sterling as she takes a bite of the brownie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys. If you've come back, I appreciate ya, if you're a first time reader, enjoy, and I appreciate you also. Please stick around, I promise I'm not abandoning this fic. Love y'all.<3

**Author's Note:**

> Let a gal know what you think!
> 
> Also at superscavenger on Tumblr if yall have questions or extra comments. 
> 
> Peace, friends.


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